THE SPORTS JEW

The End of the Melo-Drama

2011-02-22T01:23:00.008-05:00

As I sit hear. Contemplative. Eating a bowl of Cap'N Crunch. I process the trade that's bringing Carmelo Anthony to the New York Knicks. I knew it was coming (95- percent sure a deal was struck before Thursday's deadline), which curbed my excitement for the official news; but also, I mourned the loss of three players who brought me a lot of joy this first half of the season. So RIP (as of now) the NYK careers of Ray-Ray, Gallo and Will the Thrill. And to Timofey Mozgov; we hardly knew ye. Thanks for the dunks and early signs of promise.

Granted, getting a talent like Anthony for a group of players who, collectively, in all likelihood, will not equal his number of All-star appearances, should make even the most cynical Knicks fan giddy. Nonetheless, I feel uneasy. I worry that we are now built around two guys that demand the ball, and aren't known for their passing. I worry that GM Donnie Walsh, who has done a wonderful job of rebuilding this current Knicks team, from the bad contract abyss he inherited; was not on board for this trade. Finally, I'm downright puzzled that the Knicks, a team with all the power and leverage as the deadline approached (with the Nuggets in risk of having nothing to show for its inevitably bolting superstar), giving into Denver's demands like the world's worst hostage negotiator.

Still I digress, because the last thing I want to do is eat my words by bad-mouthing this deal, and because all it will take is a string of wins to make me forget the names Felton, Gallinari and Chandler for good. Still it's important to break down the players and scenarios in a basketball sense, since that is what it all comes down to - the play on the court. First a rundown of what's gone from the Garden...

Danillo Gallinari - Some people may lean towards Felton, but this was clearly the toughest loss in my opinion. Aside from being one of the best long-range shooters in the league; Gallo is also a deceptively good athlete, who's made amazing strides at getting to the basket in his first three seasons (avg. six ft attempts this season, at a stellar 89 percent clip). He's also averaging close to a steal per game, highlighting his aggressiveness on D, and never turns the ball over. Plain and simple, Gallo is not a one-trick-pony (ie: a 3-point specialist), and has a bright future in this league at age 22.

Raymond Felton - I will spend limited time on Felt for two reasons; 1) we are replacing him with Chauncey Billups, a proven veteran and better shooter (albeit slower than Ray-Ray) and 2) if the master plan is to get Chris Paul or Deron Williams running the point next season, then Felton had to go. Still, he was playing his heart out in D'Antoni's system, and the team will have to adjust without him pushing the ball up the court with such tenacity.

Wilson Chandler - When you consider that Carmelo is literally his replacement on the wing, this loss is very easy to take, even for Knicks fans that grew quite fond of Chandler; myself included. Will is a versatile player who can shoot, contest shots (still averaging an impressive 1.4 blocks per game), and does it all in an efficient manner (46.7/35.1/80.7 in FG/3PT/FT, and only 1.3 TO, in a fast-paced offense.)

Timofey Mozgov/Anthony Randolph/Eddie Curry's expiring contract - Mozgov was a late add to the deal, and the part that could burn us. He can go down as a soft big man with an offensive touch, or the next coming of Vlade Divac, a finesse center with just enough mean-streak to endure a starting gig for years to come. Randolph's alleged potential took a big hit in New York, so he was clearly expendable. As for Curry, it feels liberating to finally rid his contract, even though another team will get the gratification of shedding his $11 million from the books after this season.

As for what we are getting...

Carmelo Anthony - Probably the most versatile scorer in the league right now, other than Kevin Durant. The "Durantula" is a better shooter, but no player matches Melo's ability to shoot over man-to-man coverage, drive to the basket, and post-up forwards. Still, Melo needs to play his best ball ever in New York. He needs to play inspired defense (like James and co. are doing in Miami right now), and make the scoring pass if greater opportunities present themselves.

Chauncey Billups - Likely a rental, but possibly more, Billups will have to be our guy from the outside now with Ray, Gallo, and Will gone. (Gulp. We really lost a lot of treys.) While he may lack Felton's lightning speed, it's probably a good thing we slow things down a tad, considering how strong Melo and Amare are in the half court (hopefully together).

Corey Brewer/Shelden Williams/Renaldo Balkman/Anthony Carter - Considering all the talk on how the Knicks were giving up "role players" in this trade, their roles clearly included scoring points; something these four don't do a whole lot of. Still, they are able-bodies, who will provide defense and energy off the bench; with the exception of Anthony Carter, who has no luck in cracking D'Antoni's short rotation behind Billups and Tony Douglas.

What it means for this season - The Knicks are expected to improve from this trade (I would have to imagine so), but how quickly is the question. A team that had fantastic offensive chemistry has been made over, and while Billups, Melo, and Amare is enough to keep the box scores full, an adjustment period is expected. I can see this team making a push for 50 wins, but it would take a miracle run from our top two to hide this team's weaknesses (ie: the center position, second unit scoring), and make noise in the playoffs. Still, my convictions are flawed, since I have no idea how the Melo-Amare tandem will really work. Stay tuned.

What it means for the future - It's huge. That's the overriding factor here - this trade makes New York the most desirable place for a guard to play basketball, with small and power forward locked up for years. Considering that the endgame to this saga is signing either Paul or Williams in the off-season, barring complications from the new CBA, the Knicks are in position to rival Miami's Big 3, and become a serious title contender. And that's all that matters in the end.

THE SPORTS JEW'S 2008 MLB PREVIEW

2008-03-03T00:59:00.004-05:00

The Florida Marlins:

Are the Marlins on the rebuilding road to a third World Series ring?

The Florida Marlins are quite the anomaly of Major League Baseball. While like the Athletics, they employ the policy of parting with their top producing players, the team has still managed to win two World Series titles in its 15 years of existence. That’s something Moneyball has yet to accomplish. The team gutted its roster after both titles, most recently following the 2003 championship, and is now coming off a three year record decline. This winter the trend of saying goodbye to All-Stars continued, when the fish traded 3B Miguel Cabrera and SP Dontrelle Willis to the Tigers, for a prospect package headlined by OF Cameron Maybin and SP Andrew Miller. To their credit, Marlins management always seems to get the best return value when trading away their top players. Don’t forget, this is the team that netted Hanley Ramirez in the Beckett/Lowell deal. Maybin and Miller will not immediately compensate for the loss of Willis and Cabrera, and potentially, never will. But it’s not like Willis’s 5+ ERA was helping the team last year anyway. While perception would suggest that the team lost its best player again in Cabrera, it’s safe to say that Ramirez has been just as dominant offensively in his first two seasons, and just as detrimental defensively. The team is now left with the question of where their best player will go in the lineup, since he is clearly their best run scorer and, potentially, run producer. Other than that, the rotation was lacking with Willis, and didn’t really address that this off-season other than adding Miller. Unless you consider Mark Hendrickson, a starter/reliever hybrid, a hot pickup. The team is not well-rounded enough to compete in a division with two teams filled with diverse talent in the Mets and Phillies. Still, the Marlins have proven twice that they know how to rebuild, and by picking up a top offensive and defensive prospect, there are a lot of other teams to point fingers at before you bash the 2008 Florida Marlins.

The Bats: Young. With the exception of guys like Lowell and Delgado, the Marlins usually employ a very young lineup, including the departed Cabrera, who is still just 24. The team’s oldest starting player is projected to be Josh Willingham, who is 29. A young lineup won’t hurt you necessarily – the Diamondbacks somehow made it work – but in the case of the Marlins, it leaves a lot of questions for a team that simply can’t fall back on its starting pitching. Ramirez is a rare player who can hit for average, power and speed, and while I don’t foresee a huge production drop-off, I do worry about his ability to lead a team into success considering his shaky persona on defense. He definitely isn’t hurting the team, which his 244 runs over the past two years can attribute to. After him, Dan Uggla provides more power, but took a nosedive in average last year, batting .245. I suppose this year will tell if Uggla is that type of hitter, or the guy who batted .282 in his rookie year. I hear a lot of hype surrounding Jeremy Hermedia in fantasy circles, but he has yet to breakthrough, and there is uncertainty on where he will hit. Josh Willingham is a nice player, who improved in RBI and runs last year, and will be asked to do the same this season. Outside of those guys, the Marlins lineup is weak and unproven. Mike Jacobs can hit for power, but wasn’t seen much on the base pads last year with his .317 OBP. Maybin is an elite prospect, but it is uncertain how ready he is, considering a lot of scouts still think he needs more seasoning in the minors.

The Rotation: Unstable. When you consider number one starters for every team in the league, Scott Olsen is as volatile as they come. He is coming off a horrendous year in which he lost 15 games, had an ERA of 5.81 with a WHIP of 1.76, and even got arrested for DUI, resisting arrest and assaulting an officer. This will make Miller’s job in emerging as the team’s ace all the more easy. The Tigers top pitching prospect has not impressed in his two years in the majors, especially last year when he struggled in 13 major league starts – his 5.63 ERA and 1.75 WHIP was just as bad as Olsen. He does have a dominant fastball, and clean slate in Florida, where he will be inserted into the rotation albeit a truly horrible spring. After them, Sergio Mitre is a groundball pitcher who was stable during the first half of last season, but went on to get injured and produce inflated, uninspiring numbers (4.65 ERA, 1.48 WHIP and just 80 Ks). Hendrickson was a serviceable guy in the pen last year for the Dodgers, but struggled in the rotation, with an ERA over six. The problem is the Marlins are fairly set at bullpen this year, but very needy for starters. Rich VanderHurk will probably lock the fifth spot due his impressive K rate, but had an ERA bordering on seven last season. This team is literally jammed with swelling ERAs and it would literally take a pitching miracle to expect all or enough of them to get those averages down this season. When it comes to rotations, the Marlins probably have the worst staff in all of baseball.

Fantasy Favorite: Hanley Ramirez. I can’t really get too creative with this team, so I might as well state why I still think Hanram is the number two choice in drafts this season. I will start by saying that the young shortstop’s emergence last year shouldn’t have come as such a big surprise. This is a guy who hit .292, with a .353 OBP and .480 slugging percentage in his 2006 rookie of the year campaign. He also belted 17 homers, scored 119 runs and drove in 59, without a set spot in the lineup. His speed is nothing less than elite, swiping 51 bases in each of his first two years. Last year, of course, Ramirez raised every single stat possible except triples, and a lot of people are weary of his chance to repeat that. The truth is Ramirez will not have to repeat that line this year to validate a number two selection. The number with the most potential drop-off is average, but Hanley will still be able to solidify the category by batting around .310, when you consider that Jose Reyes and Jimmy Rollins are borderline .300 hitters. There is really no reason to expect Hanley to dip lower than 20 homers, only that he may over attempt to top last year’s 29. The main concern is where he will hit in the lineup, and what it can potentially do to his steals total. For this reason, fantasy owners high on Ramirez should pray he stays in the lead-off spot where he is an utter lock for 50 bags. It will also salvage his run total, which will go down with the loss of Cabrera, but not drastically. Ramirez is simply too versatile to pass on this stage in his career, and should continue to put up monster numbers even in a weaker lineup.

Outlook: One man show. Ramirez is a reason to be a Marlins fan, because he is simply one of the league’s most talented hitters. His defensive inability is probably more damaging to the team than most people think, so an improvement in that area is crucial. The problem is even if Ramirez was the complete player fans hope he can be, baseball is not an individual sport and the Marlins are clearly lacking other capable individuals. The pitching outlook is very gloomy, considering that Olsen is so unstable on and off the field. Miller will have the luxury of playing with less pressure than in Detroit, but his poor exposure to the big leagues is not inspiring. The Marlins are at a crossroads as a franchise, finally getting the greenlight for a new stadium to be built last month, and an extension to stay in Miami until 2046. The team will also change its name to the Miami Marlins, which certainly sounds more marketable. Still, the team needs to look no further than Pittsburgh to see that a new stadium does not equal success. For now, they are a very lopsided team that will have problems competing in the National League’s best division.

THE SPORTS JEW'S 2008 MLB PREVIEW

2008-02-28T23:29:00.005-05:00

The Oakland Athletics:

Is Moneyball officially dead?

For ten years in Oakland, General Manager Billy Bean defied the rules of running a baseball team. Instead of going after big-time free agents, with sexy power numbers or five-tool athleticism, Beane sought out cheap players who rank highly in one key stat — OPS. His strategy, dubbed Moneyball, was to accumulate a roster of players who got on base at a high clip, in the general theory that the more guys who got on base, the more guys who could come home and score. He even attributed his philosophy to pitching, going after lesser-known arms with solid strikeout-to-walk ratios. The question is — did Moneyball work? If anything, the A's have been a regular season standard this decade, making the playoffs five times. The team, however, never made it to the World Series, and only once advanced to the ALCS in 2006. Also, the team has parted with all of its marquee players along the way, a key component of Moneyball's frugal foundation. Jason Giambi, Miguel Tejada, Johny Damon, Jermaine Dye, and the pitching trio of Tim Hudson, Mark Mulder and Barry Zito were never even considered during their departing off-seasons. Last year, the Moneyball bubble finally burst, as the A's struggled all year long and finished with a losing record for the first time since 1998. Did the scare do anything to make Beane rethink his modest approach to success? Not quite. He dealt away his best hitter, Nick Swisher, and best pitcher, Dan Haren, to completely gut what is now a very weak team on paper. The 2008 Athletics aren't only a team of faceless players; they're a team of injury-prone, young, un-proven, and in some cases, declining faceless players. An off-season fire sale has led to the acquisition of several new prospects to replenish the A's farm system, but very few returns that can have an impact this season. While he has shocked his nonbelievers before, it will be surprising to see if Beane's winning strategy will continue to thrive in a growingly competitive American League West.

The Bats: In disarray. Swisher was growing into a prime Moneyballer (100 BB last season), which makes his trade to the White Sox puzzling in my view. With him out of the picture, there's a big question mark facing the A's, more than any other team this spring, of who's going to produce in a lineup filled with position battles, platoon situations, and yes, injury woes. Last season, two guys, Jack Cust and Dan Johnson, emerged out of nowhere to go on power surges, becoming add-drop fantasy fodder in the process. Neither of them is relatively young (29 and 28), has any speed or defensive capability. Cust, however, had a .912 OPS last year, the highest on the team, making him the ideal Moneyballer of the 2008 A's. He'll probably split DH duties with Johnson, while also seeing some time in the outfield. RF Travis Buck is an up-and-comer who didn't impress me last season, but hey, an .850 OPS aint too shabby in Oaktown...I guess. 3B Eric Chavez is the perfect example of a guy who would have been playing for another team already, if he didn't decline before maxing out his Moneyball potential. If he can somehow return to the form that won him a Silver Slugger award in 2002, then the A's potentially have a face to their franchise restored. On the other side of the diamond, the A's do have a promising young 1B in Daric Barton, who hit .347 in 18 games last year. Past those guys — and 2B Mark Ellis, who belted 19 homers last season — the rest of this squad leaves you head scratching. They have OF prospects that aren't quite ready, an underachieving SS in Bobby Crosby, and a C receiving way too much credit — I don't care how cool his name sounds — in Kurt Suzuki. In an interesting note, Beane did sign former Royals slugger Mike Sweeney this off-season, who hasn't seen 500 at bats since 2001, and probably won’t this season either. So, why was he signed exactly? I wonder if his career .861 OPS had anything to do with it...

The Rotation: Crippled. Once renowned for its starting pitching, the A’s survived the departure of “The Big Three,” namely due to the emergence of Dan Haren as a legitimate ace. Well, they parted ways with him this winter, and are now without a legitimate number one for 2008. Their best starter, talent wise, is clearly Rich Harden, who has shown spurts of dominance over the past years – spurts being the key word there. Harden is probably one of the biggest injury liabilities in the whole league, having never pitched 200 innings in any of his five years. He has really broken down in the past two seasons, pitching 46 innings in 06, followed by just 25 last year. If he could just get healthy, Harden has the stuff to become as good as Harden or better. This is a huge if, however, considering how fragile he’s been. After that, Joe Blanton was treated like trade bait all winter, problem was, nobody bit. He is a very serviceable starter, who unlike Harden, logged a grueling 230 innings last season. He just doesn’t have the power or pitch placement of a top rotation guy, which is where the A’s have him pegged right now, due in large part to his durability. Chad Gaudin, a reliever-turned-starter last season, started hot, but swelled up to an uninspiring 4.42 ERA and 1.53 WHIP on the year. He is also coming off hip surgery and is shaky at best for his season debut. Like Blanton, though, he was also in the AL top ten for innings pitched, hurling 199.1 innings. The A’s will try converting another reliever this season with Justin Duchscherer, who likes to strike people out with a fairly dominating curveball. Duchscherer, however, is also coming off - you guessed it – hip surgery. So basically, three of the top four starters in Oakland are injury risks, and the other one is Joe Blanton. Either Lenny DiNardo or youngster Dana Eveland should fill out the fifth spot, if that does anything for you.

Fantasy Favorite: Huston Street. Moneyball and fantasy go together like oil and water, or lamb and tuna fish, if you must. Beane constantly deals away his best players, and is not impressed with the stats that will help you win your league, especially homers and steals. Never, will Beane’s adherence to fantasy stats be proven greater than this year. The 2008 Oakland Athletics team is a barren wasteland of fantasy studs. On ESPN’s average draft position (ADP) rankings, the highest A’s player is taken in the 12th round. The 12th! He is, of course, closer Huston Street. Now while he is not without flaw – shockingly, this A also had an injury last season – Street is still a top ten closer while healthy. He is reported to be fully ready for this season, and is not coming off surgery like the team’s other hobbled pitchers. His 2.58 ERA over three years doesn’t blow you away, but it is coupled with a very low WHIP - .94 last season. He also averages a K per inning, and if given the right opportunity, would be as close to a lock for 40 saves. That right opportunity could still come if the A’s decide to trade Street to a better team in need of a top closer. If he stays in Oakland, he will still have a strong year, but we’ll have saves ceiling of no higher than 35. The only way Street’s value can really get hurt is if A’s deal him to a team looking to use him as a setup man, which is always a possibility.

Outlook: Final straw. In closing, Moneyball is a lot like a guy with great pickup lines, who can never close. It will only get you as far as you could possibly go – in this case the first round of the playoffs – but never to the promise land – the World Series. If Beane’s goal as a GM is to consistently have his team succeed in the regular season, only to fall ultimately short of the grand prize, then he is seriously cheapening his fans. While making the playoffs is encouraging, you play to win it all, and the A’s of the 2000’s have proven to be a team incapable of doing so. With that said, it’s going to be an interesting development to see how much further the A’s organization goes with Beane and his sabermetrics style of general managing. He is crafty enough to get this team competitive in a few years, especially with all the prospects he’s racked up. It has to start getting frustrating for ownership, though, seeing all your best players being the automatic ones to go every off-season, and another losing season in 2008 may finally put an end to that. The problem is, the A’s may have finally run dry of best players to lose, in the sacred art which is – Moneyball.

THE SPORTS JEW'S 2008 MLB PREVIEW

2008-02-26T22:46:00.003-05:00

By guest Jew: Meir Peer

The San Francisco Giants:

Are the Bonds-less bats the worst lineup in baseball?

For the first time in 15 years, the San Francisco Giants will be opening the season without Barry Bonds. While most people outside of San Fran should view this as a good thing, for me, it was well overdue. His controversial image, and the negative media attention, turned San Francisco into a one-man-show, and made you forget that the Giants are in fact – a baseball team. Even though they’ve had a winning record in eight of the last ten seasons, GM Brian Sabean has been tying up team funds as of late, by overpaying for players like Bonds ($15.8M one-year contract), Barry Zito ($127M over seven) and, last winter, Aaron Rowand to a five-year deal worth $60M. Losing Bonds also means losing his drawing power, leaving the team with less money to spend. Sabean will have a harder time now building a well-balanced squad for the long haul. In addition to that, the Giants haven’t had a home grown player reach 400 at bats since Bill Mueller and Marvin Bernard both reached the plateau in 2000. With Bonds gone, no superstar to showcase and seven starters over age 30, the only reason to visit AT&T Park this season will be for the beautiful woman under the hot California sun.

The bats: Ghost town. A question mark after “bats” would have been the more appropriate route, but instead, lets see if I can find some bright spots. Considering Bonds only averaged 353 AB, 27 HR, and 59 RBI the last two seasons, replacing his production shouldn’t have been a difficult task for Sabean. His first option was swapping one of his young arms, most likely Tim Lincecum, to the Blue Jays for OF Alex Rios. That never transpired, and Seaban went and pulled the trigger on Rowand via free agency. Known more as a gutsy defensive specialist for the majority of his career, Rowand took advantage of the sandbox that is Citizens Park, a fierce Philadelphia lineup and a contract year, and translated his .309 BA, 27 HR, 89 RBI and 105 R last season into an annual salary of $12M for the next five seasons. Not bad for the 300th overall pick in the 1998 draft. The problem is Rowand has only topped 13 HR twice in his seven-year career. When you factor in his transition to a pitcher-friendly ball park, in a lineup no where nearly as stacked as the Phillies, this should surely make Sabean look foolish with his free agency pickups, two years and counting (see Zito). The only other guy worth mentioning isn’t even a lock to start, though he should be, and that’s Rajai Davis. His .282 BA and 17 SB in only 51 games, after a mid-season trade with the Pirates, is a strong enough case to plug him atop the order. Manager Bruce Bochy isn’t ready to make him his lead-off guy just yet, however, but did mention that for now, it’s Dave Roberts’ job to lose. Excuse me for not mentioning Randy Winn, Omar Vizquel, Rich Aurilia, and “clean-up” hitter Bengie Molina, but I hope you can forgive me.

The rotation: Promising. Thought I forgot about them, didn’t you? Not a chance. San Francisco will have a very weak offensive team, but make no mistake about their young rotation. Tim Lincecum, whose rookie campaign (7-5, 4.00 ERA, 150 K in 146 IP, .226 BA against) showed more in potential than results, is one of the most promising pitchers in baseball. While he only turns 24 this year, yet his maturity, nasty stuff and crazy delivery should easily make him one of the best pitchers in baseball before you know it. This does, however, prove how horrible the Zito deal was, since he isn’t even the best pitcher on this team. Zito’s first season in a Giants jersey produced sad numbers, to the tune of a losing 11-13 record, and a career worse 4.53 ERA. Now I never looked at Zito as an ace, but he is much better than his numbers last year showed. I expect him to get about 15 wins this year, with an ERA down to about 3.75, The strikeout total should remain low while the walks should remain high. Another promising young arm in the Giants rotation is Matt Cain. His ugly 7-16 record from last season was a fallacy, and sure didn’t match his modest ERA of 3.65. He did K 165 batters too, and some experts claim that Cain has the potential to be among the top strikeout artists this season. He is also an innings-eater, averaging 195 over his first two seasons. At the bottom of the rotation are Noah Lowery and former reliever Kevin Correria. I had a thing for Lowry after a strong rookie campaign in 05, but after an 87 to 87 K/BB in 07, I think I’m over him.

Fantasy Favorite: Tim Lincecum. This team is just terrible, which made it even easier for me to pick. Lincecum will prove that all the hype is for real this coming season. He pitches in probably the weakest offensive division, which should definitely make his sophomore year easier on him. He’ll also have Zito carrying the whole rotation’s pressure on his shoulders, as he tries to justify his contract after a terrible first of seven seasons. I predict 15 wins, an ERA in the low threes and over 180 strike outs this year for Lincecum. He will be this team’s ace of the future.

Outlook: Terrible. No offense at all. None! I know they say pitching wins games, but you still need to put one run up on the board, which this team will struggle to do several times. Lead by Rowand, who has played his whole career in hitter friendly parks, and a lineup stacked with aging mediocre players, I expect the Giants to be last in scoring runs this season. Their pitching might keep them in games, but I fear that this will eventually frustrate the young arms, something they will cope with better with experience. Last season the Giants were tied for the second worst record in the National League, and when you look at the lineup, this year should be worse. Their 71-91 record last year should be very similar this season, but I won’t be shocked if they reach the 100 loss plateau.

THE SPORTS JEW'S 2008 MLB PREVIEW

2008-02-22T13:18:00.002-05:00

By guest Jew: Jonathan Israeli

Washington Nationals:

Will the new look Nats make the power switch in their new park?

The Nationals enter this season with a team that, once again, has no standout hitter or pitcher. While the team is mediocre at best, there is a descent amount of young talent with the potential to have breakout years. Another thing to look forward to, as far as offense is considered, will be a new park that isn’t RFK Memorial Stadium. Since the Expos became the Nationals and moved to RFK three years ago, only San Francisco’s AT&T Park has yielded fewer homers than RFK - which averaged just 1.63 per game. This year the Nats move to the friendlier confines of brand new Nationals Park. Along with a new stadium comes two new players, via division mates, the New York Mets. I don’t care what anyone says; Washington totally stole Lastings Milledge. The guy has been one of the most talked about prospects in the past few years and will now finally get a chance to start at centerfield, something the Nationals and their fans are eagerly anticipating I'm sure. The other Met, catcher Paul LaDuca, might have something to prove to his former club, who acquired the guy he’s now replacing in Brian Schneider. Adding to the Mets angle, the Nat’s played spoiler last year beating New York in five of their last six games vs. each other, which contributed mightily to the Mets epic collapse. All of this should add some fuel to the Mets-Nats rivalry. Will all this new excitement translate into a successful season? Well…

Bats: On the rise. Regardless of how the Nats performed last season, it’s safe to say that everyone should see a little power boost now that they are playing in a smaller park. I mean, RFK was just big, old and disheveled; it could have easily been called Ted Kennedy Stadium. I believe that the team’s best hitters will benefit most from their new digs. 3B Ryan Zimmerman is the team’s brightest and youngest star. Over his first two full seasons he’s averaged over 20 homers, 100 RBI, while batting around .275. He’s been a doubles machine over the past two years, hitting over 40 in both, and in a smaller park a few of those doubles should clear the fence, giving Zimmerman 30 homer potential. The team has a big position battle at first, now having Nick Johnson back at full strength. It appears that Dmitri Young will get to start the season, due to his solid performance last year and new contract. The rest of the infield is pretty sub-par, yet versatile. As for the outfield, Austin Kearns is slightly above average at best. Willy Mo Pena exploded for the Nats towards the end of last year with 8 homers and 22 RBI in 37 games. If he could keep that up, he’ll be a solid bat at LF. A lot of focus will be centered on Milledge’s potential breakout. The chance of him becoming an automatic five-tool player is very slim, but at least now he’ll be given the chance to show what he’s capable of on a day-to-day basis. I see him finishing off the year with a 25, 80, .280 campaign.

Rotation: Ace-less. The Nat’s have a great anchor in Chad Cordero, but as far as their starters go, well, um…not so great. They have nothing close to an ace, in my opinion, and aren’t very solid thereafter. Shawn Hill, projected to start opening day, heads a very young and inexperienced rotation that does not yield one single season 10 game winner. Hill, a righty who just came off surgery on his non throwing shoulder, is a ground ball pitcher who sported a respectable 3.42 ERA during his brief stint last year, something the Nats would love to see him duplicate. John Patterson, the most experienced of the bunch, had one good year in 05 when he had 185 Ks and posted an impressive 3.13 ERA, but injuries have hampered his performance since. It looks like Jason Bergmann, John Lannan, and Matt Chico will round out the bottom. All are young and seem to have some potential, but it's too early too gage anything at this point.

Fantasy Favorite: Ryan Zimmerman. A resurgence at 3B in recent years, i.e. A-Rod, Wright, Cabrera, Ramirez and Braun, has caused the position to become a hot commodity in early draft rounds. Zimmerman shouldn’t go as early as these guys, but shouldn’t go too much later considering the huge drop off at the position after him. As I mentioned earlier, he’s bound to improve his already impressive numbers playing in a hitters park. He doesn’t have much speed – 11 bags in 06 dropped to 4 in 07 – he does however get on base and score runs, one shy of 100 last season. He is still very young, and while many will argue that he already has, everything is in place for Zim to really breakout this season.

Outlook: Not this year. The team definitely got better, at least as far as hitting is concerned. Unfortunately for the Nats, they play in the most competitive division in the NL. With the Mets and Phillies going at each others throats for a division crown, the Braves still hanging around and being competitive, and the Marlins due for their third World Series any day now – it’s going to be impossible for such a young, inexperienced team to compete, at least this year.

THE SPORTS JEW'S 200 MLB PREVIEW

2008-02-22T00:58:00.005-05:00

By guest Jew: Meir Peer

Baltimore Orioles:

Can Markakis lead a rebuilding O’s squad?

The Baltimore Orioles enter 2008 following one of the busiest off-season's they've had in a while. This time, however, the O's were sellers instead of buyers. After coming to grips with the fact that they couldn't compete in the AL East, ownership decided to shed some salary and enter a rebuilding phase. Along with some major changes to field personnel, this will also be general manager Andy MacPhail and head manager Dave Trembley's first full season leading the team. The off-season started with the O's trading their highest paid player. SS Miguel Tejada, whose name has been attached to several trade rumors, was redeemed with a trade to Houston's homer friendly park, which could possibly resurrect his career. Meanwhile, SP Eric Bedard was working towards a contract extension, to lead Baltimore's young staff into the future. Unfortunately, a deal never came to fruition and Bedard was dealt to Seattle, where he will team up with King Felix Hernandez. On the bright side, Baltimore has to be delighted with what they received in return — a much more promising package than the one that landed Johan Santana in New York. The centerpiece of the deal, OF Adam Jones, has a five-tool arsenal and tremendous potential; even though he only hit .246 with two jacks in limited at bats last season. The O's should also benefit from George Sherrill's bullpen relief, which helped Seattle to the sound of a 2.37 ERA, .98 WHIP and 56 Ks in 47 innings last season. Similar numbers should help them cope better with the loss of closer Chris Ray, who had Tommy John surgery.

The Bats: Lacking. When I think of Baltimore's offense, I get this uncertain feeling in my stomach. Luke Scott (.255 avg., 18 HR, 64 RBI in 369 at bats last season) came over in the Tejada trade, and will look to raise his modest numbers with more playing time. 3B Melvin Mora has been on a steady decline since signing a $25 million, three-year contract after the 05 season, and I have the feeling the downward trend will continue this year. The obvious bright spots in this line up are OF Nick Markakis, who swiped a surprising 18 bases in 07 after recording only two the previous season, and 2B Brian Roberts. Markakis should continue his ascent, after batting .300 with 23 homers and 112 RBI last season. The problem here, just like in Kansas City and Pittsburgh, is the star player's supporting cast. If the Orioles want to hold on to Markakis come free agency time, they better show their franchise guy that they are working towards building a winner. Roberts, meanwhile, could find himself batting lead-off for one of the best lineups in baseball, as trade talks with the Cubbies just don't seem to go away. Regardless of his team, Roberts plays 2B and leads off, and does both very well. The role players in this lineup are mediocre at best, with the potential to do more. If this team loses Roberts, however, it will be hard to replace him in the batting order, leaving the O's with a very weak offense for this season.

The Rotation: Ace replacement. With Bedard gone, the Orioles will look towards Jeremy Guthrie to emerge as their new ace. Guthrie, who entered the O's rotation last May, had a stretch in which he allowed a run or none in six of nine games from May to June. If not for a rib injury late last season, I think Guthrie's numbers — 7-5 3.70 ERA, 1.20 WHIP — could have looked a lot better. His low win total is a direct result of Baltimore's frustrating bullpen, which also prevented Bedard from having a 20 win, Cy Young caliber, season. If Guthrie can top 200 innings, get solid relief work, and a few lucky bounces on offense, 13-15 wins is a possibility. Looking at the next spot in the rotation, we find 23-year-old south paw Adam Loewen, who will be returning from season ending elbow surgery. Loewen, who stands 6"6, only pitched in six games late last year, but the O's seem to like his raw talent. This is in spite of his high walk total, 26, in just 30 innings last year. Despite that, look for him to break out this season, because for some reason, I got a feeling about this kid. Next in line is Daniel Cabrera, a perfect example of a reckless flamethrower. While he can rack up the Ks, his league-leading 18 losses last year, and proneness to leaving balls over the plate will continue to be his undoing. I have faith that the loss total will go down while the strikeouts will go up, but an ERA in the high fours seems inevitable. The tail-end of this rotation isn’t set, but Steve Trachsel was invited to camp, which always gets me real pumped. Look for Hayden Penn and Troy Patton to battle for who gets the call to fill out the rotation, and who gets a ticket back to Norfolk for more polishing.

Fantasy Favorite: Nick Markakis. "NIKO! NIKO! NIKO!" I was actually at Markakis's home coming at Shea (Strong Island son!) two years ago, and man does he have some fans here. The Glen Cove native is my clear favorite for fantasy, and that is with all due respect to Roberts, his 2B eligibility, and his 50 steals. It's just hard to argue with a guy who goes from .291,16, 62, 2, to .300, 23, 112,18 in one season. Batting over .290 in his first two seasons illustrates Markakis's patience at the plate at the young age of 24. Add the unforeseen increase in steals, along with the jolt in RBI, and Markakis is looking a lot like Bernie Williams in his prime, minus the all-star supporting cast. Go ahead and add "the sky is the limit" to his baseball card.

Outlook: It depends. Realistically, this team can’t contend in the AL East, and management should know that after its off-season fire sale. The O’s may have even locked down last place, with Tampa looking to finally give up that claim. The truth is, Baltimore is a team looking at its future. The team is more interested in seeing its young birds blossom into a young core of hitters and pitchers. This season will be about Jones proving he was worth dealing Bedard, Guthrie maturing into the staff's ace, and of course, Markakis taking his game to a higher level, and eventually becoming the face of the franchise. Still, when you take away Bedard and Tejada and replace them with an upcoming prospect and defacto ace, improving from a 69-93 season looks unlikely. I expect a similar record for the O's this year, but a step in the right direction nonetheless.

Good riddance Matrix; Bring on the Diesel

2008-02-20T13:05:00.004-05:00

(In honor of Shaq’s debut tonight with the Suns against his former team, the Lakers, here is a guest-jew column from Jose “Grampa” Soto on the deal that brought the Big Aristotle to Phoenix.)

I, a loyal Suns fan since the beginning of the 92-93 season, love this trade. I’ll start of by discussing what Phoenix gave up, Shawn Marion. A couple points if I may. First, after years of being labeled underrated, I think everyone, Phoenix management included, started to realize how overrated the Matrix was. He was making "max money", the most on the team, yet he still complained about not getting enough respect from the organization. WTF is that? The Suns have always given Marion what he wanted — the minutes, the money and a hall of fame point guard in Steve Nash to get you the ball. It’s not anyone in the Suns organization’s fault that your shot looked terrible coming out of our hands. It’s not the Suns fault that you could never shoot more than 39 percent from three-point land.

Marion complained about not having plays run for him. Well Shawn, what exactly can you do to create your own opportunities? You have no post-up game, no moves getting to the hole and a decent handle at best. Another aspect of Marion’s game that I felt was overrated was his defense. I’m going to throw some names out there, so we can think back to see if Marion locked any of them down in a crucial playoff game. For Tim duncan, Kobe Bryant, Manu Ginobili, Tony Parker, Josh Howard and Dirk Nowitzki — the answer is no. I ask you, what’s the point of being able to guard multiple positions if you can’t even get one right?

Now, for Shaq. The Suns are third worst in the league when it comes to giving up offensive rebounds. Say what you want about Shaq, but he’s still 7”1, 325 lb. Seriously though, he’s still putting up great rebounding and blocks numbers when you consider his minutes per game. And when you look past all the hoopla of whether he’s hurt, too old or whatever else people say, anyone who watches basketball knows guys play a lot better when they are motivated. And anyone who thinks that going from a last place team to a first place team won’t motivate Shaq is in for a big surprise.

Did I also mention that the Heat had to take on that waste of skin Marcus Banks and his disgusting, four-years remaining, contract? I give the edge to the Suns big time in this deal.

Heat- C+
Suns- A

THE SPORTS JEW'S 2008 MLB PREVIEW

2008-02-20T01:17:00.004-05:00

By guest Jew: Meir Peer

Kansas City Royals:

Can you really fear a team led by Gordon and Meche? In the AL Central?

Ah, the Kansas City Royals – Missouri’s other team. Not much to rejoice in this town lately. Having lost 100+ games in four of the last five years, the Royals are looking to top the .500 mark for only the first time since 2002. I can’t see this being an easy objective for the “Boys in Blue,” considering they will constantly match up with a re-stacked Tigers squad, a hungrier and more mature Indians Tribe, and an improved White Sox team, in the competitive AL Central. Unlike the Pirates, you have to give Royals ownership a little credit for at least trying to improve with a low budget and a small market team. Last season, GM Dayton Moore showed Gil Meche (11-8, 4.48 ERA, 156 Ks for Seattle in 06) the money, shelling $55 million over five years on the unproven righty. The team was rewarded with an encouraging, by today’s standards, 3.67 ERA that should have been coupled with better than a 9-13 record, if Meche received more run support. Moore responded to that weakness this off-season, by adding some pop to the Royals heart of the order, inking OF Jose Guillen (and his Mitchell allegations) to a one-year deal. One thing is certain – there were still be more people fascinated by the pretty waterfalls at Kauffman Stadium, than the ball played, come spring.

The Bats: Not in this division. Lead by their young stud and future 30/30 candidate 3B Alex Gordon, who raised his batting average by 32 points after the break, the Royals do have some decent hitters that will need to come alive this year, if they want to even think of competing in the NL Central. OF Mark Teahen showed some promise with a decent sophomore year in 2006 (.290 avg., 18 homers), but then followed to hit 11 fewer long balls, despite playing in 35 more games, last season. New Manager Trey Hillman, who just came over from Japan, was actually one of the first candidates for the Yankees job. He appears to have faith that John Buck can become a productive, power hitting catcher with .300, 30, 100 potential. I, don’t. Meanwhile, the man at the top of the order, David Dejesus, scored 101 runs last year. Sounds good right? It wound sound even better if he batted higher than .260. Raising that average to about .280 would be ideal for a guy who sets the tone for the rest of the lineup, especially since Dejesus seems to have a knack for scoring runs. Guillen will be asked to carry the offense until Gordon is ready to take the reigns. He may also be asked if those shots to his ass stopped hurting after the first few times. Ouch. Oh wait, this is Kansas City! Who cares?

The Rotation: Modest at best. Being a Mets fan, the first thing that comes to mind here is Brian Bannister, but we’ll start from the top. While he wasn’t a top ace, Meche was a pleasant surprise his first season in blue. Yet despite never allowing more than three runs in his last 10 starts of 07, Meche only managed to pick up two wins during that time frame. I never was high on this guy, but then again, I never had a reason to be. I don’t foresee an improvement, or even a duplication of last year, this season and that’s more based on his past numbers and the team he has to play for. As for Bannister, I have to admit, I was a bit stunned when I looked up his numbers recently. They were actually much better than I first thought! Looks like those few, pre-injury starts with the Mets were not flukes, and the guy does have more value than Ambiorix Burgos. Right now, he’s still a number three at best, but potentially a good number two.

Fantasy Favorite: Alex Gordon. Sadly, this is kind of a no-brainer. That’s how unappealing the Royals are in fantasy. I drafted him late last year, assured by every writer that he’s the next David Wright, and ending up dropping him later than I should have. Gordon did manage to catch a hot wave after the break, while rotating between both corner positions, raising his value. I wouldn’t call him a sleeper, since more is expected from Gordon this year, but I’d still play close attention and make sure he doesn’t get off to a slow start again. A .280, 25, 75 season is not out of reach. Boosting his stolen bases total, 15 last year, will also boost his value this season, which should happen if Gordon gets off to a better start.

Outlook: Keep looking. There’s nothing to see here. Their lead off man hits .260 and only swipes 10 bases, while their core guys average less home runs combined that Barry Bonds does in one injury-filled, steroids induced season. I’m willing to bet that this team will lock down the cellar of the elite AL Central, and most likely, for a while. Alex Gordon will be their lone bright spot, and that alone will not prevent another 90 loss season.

THE SPORTS JEW'S 2008 MLB PREVIEW

2008-02-19T23:06:00.005-05:00

(I have returned from the murky depths to bring my loyal and devoted, all five of you, a team-by-team season preview for the upcoming baseball season. Each team will have a fairly in-depth column, including an opening introduction, the bats, the rotations, fantasy favorite and outlook section. I will do my best to preview two teams at a time, one from each league, starting off with the two most irrelevant teams, and finishing off with the two most relevant. So stop watching those celeb-reality dating shows, put down the bong/pipe/blunt, and enjoy!)

Pittsburgh Pirates:

Can the Bucks pull a Detroit Tigers and rekindle their glory days?

When you consider the most irrelevant teams in Major League Baseball, you want to look for three key indicators: a long stretch of losing seasons, a lack of a marketable superstar and an owner/management with no strong desire to improve the team. The Pirates haven't had a winning season since, ahem, 1992 (the longest losing season streak in sports); haven't had a marketable star, arguably ,since Barry Bonds left town; and well, as for their desire to improve, one has to only look at the past off-season. They did nothing. But this team isn't the Tampa "Rays," as they liked to be called these days. The Pirates have a fairly rich history which includes five World Series titles, and a number of all-time greats like Honus Wagner, Bill Mazeroski, Ralph Kiner, Roberto Clemente and Willie Stargell. That's why I compare them to the Tigers, another historic team that was dwelling it down in their division's cellar before climbing to baseball's elite. The difference here being that the Tigers were, and still are, making the moves to improve their roster and compete in the American League. The Pirates have it easier in the National League, in my opinion, but it is impossible to give them any credit after such a quiet off-season. Perhaps a new, well-known manager could help, along the lines of a Jim Leyland who led Detroit to success. The former Pirate skipper would have actually been a good fit. Instead, the Pirates promoted their Triple A coach, John Russell, who they previously fired as their third base coach less than three years ago.

The Bats: Non-existent. Something tells me you’re not going to see Pirates players fly off the board at your fantasy draft this year. Jason Bay, the team’s best hitter, saw a huge decline in numbers last season. Even if he was to return to his 05-06 form, he doesn’t have enough complimentary hitters surrounding him to get runs on the board. Their second most promising, all-around threat is shaping to be Xavier Nady, who at best can be a solid .280, 20, 80, 80 guy. I haven’t forgotten about Adam LaRoche, it’s just that that aside from belting 32 homers for the Braves in 2006; the guy is average at best. His numbers also dropped last year, and he doesn’t get on base enough (.345 OBP last season). Freddy Sanchez is an above average hitter for a second baseman, who bats .300 and has an underrated knack for driving in runs at the two-hole (166 RBI in the past two seasons). I wouldn’t be surprised if some team tries to snatch him before the season’s trade deadline. After that, the rest of the team lacks speed and power, never a good thing.

The Rotation: Fair and balanced. Last year the Pirates made a puzzling mid-season trade, acquiring SP Matt Morris from the Giants for two prospects. It appeared as if they were trying to add one more piece to fill out their rotation, which is led by the duo of Ian Snell and Tom Gorzelanny. Both are nice starters who will suffer from a lack of run support, which can lead to frustration, which can lead to second-half declines. See...last season. The Pirates don’t have a bad rotation; they just don’t have an intimidating one. There are no glaring weaknesses, with Pat Maholm and Zack Duke most likely rounding out the bottom, but they don’t have one guy who can be considered an ace, unless they somehow mutated the best qualities of Snell (heat) and Gorzelanny (breaking stuff) to form one pitcher. All five of their guys are capable of logging innings, so run support will play huge in how well the rotation does.

Fantasy Favorite: Matt Capps. Many would say Jason Bay here, but the guy has clearly fallen off in outfielder rankings, namely because his 21 stolen bases in 2005 is proving to be an aberration. Without speed, Bay is a very pedestrian fantasy player, at least when you compare him to top-three round talent. I like Capps, who came in after the all-star break and still notched 18 saves with a 2.28 ERA and a 1.01 WHIP. What I especially like is his strikeout potential as a closer. Capps had 64 Ks in less that half a season’s work, which makes him a strong case for 100 punch-outs this year. While he won’t get as many opportunities as guys on better teams, I still like Capps to finish with around 35 saves, an ERA in the twos, and potentially, 100 strikeouts.

Outlook: Bleak. In a division where other teams got better, i.e. everyone, the Pirates are almost a mortal lock to finish in last place. The team simply doesn’t have enough run producers, by way of power, contact hitters or speedsters, to give their starters some breathing room. The pitching could be a lot worse for this team, which is strange to say, for a team I have such low expectations for. Nonetheless, the Pirates did nothing to improve their position in the NL Central this season, and barring any highly unlikely mid-season trades (and not in the Matt Morris realm of impact), I don’t see this team winning more than 68 games. There will be no return to glory. No “We are family*,” at PNC.

*The 1979 Pirates, the last team to win the World Series, adopted the disco hit “We are family” by Sister Sledge as their team song. For whatever reason, no one seemed to care that it was a song about a family of sisters.

Living in a Fantasy...

2007-11-27T18:48:00.000-05:00

I need to stop blaming Heath Miller for my own personal issues. Fast.

So just recently, I got off the phone with my buddy Ian (I write buddy like Bill Simmons when he refers to his friends, although I’m sure all three people who are reading this know who Ian is, and that includes Ian). Not surprisingly, our conversation was dominated by fantasy football. We spoke at length about the upcoming playoff picture, Ian, being happy that he has all but secured a first round bye, I, still wallowing in the fact that the worst offensive game in recent memory closed the door on my chance of obtaining what I desperately need right now - one risk-free weekend off from fantasy football.

I tried to look for a silver lining in failing to clinch that bye-week, thinking to myself, hey, that’s one more week of fantasy football I get to play. Sadly, that is not the case. I wanted and needed that week off, and in a bad way. It’s one week where I can avoid watching my team underachieve and crush my championship hopes. Its one week where I can avoid watching my bench players outperform the guys I started over them. Its one week I can avoid yelling at the television, football coaches in particular, for calling plays that helped their teams win games, while simultaneously neglecting my fantasy players.

It has become a sickness, and as a sports fan, I can honestly say I’m not to thrilled about it. In the years before I did fantasy, it was all about the games, and the actual real life outcomes, and not the statistical allegiances I had with players. The only heartache I experienced was my own team losing, but in fantasy world, you can find pain in one team’s running back, another team’s defense, and yes, even a team’s kicker all within the span of minutes.

So I started thinking to myself today, why do I hate Willie Parker so much? What is he really doing so wrong, other than being second in the league in rushing yards and helping his team to a probable division title. I hate him because he doesn’t score touchdowns. I also was especially peeved last night when Pittsburgh, with a first down within the five, couldn’t devise a Parker touchdown that would have one me the week, and that first round bye. I yelled at Mike Tomlin (I think, my anger was really directed to no one specifically) for not pounding it in for three straight plays, and giving his tailback the highest probability of hitting pay dirt.

Instead, he was simply trying to set up his team for a game winning field goal, and on a part of the field where Jeff Reed wouldn’t feel like Nancy from a Nightmare on Elm Street, when Freddy turned the staircase into a sloppy goo. In other words, the field was literally 85 percent diarrhea last night, and god forbid the coach seek out the one part of the turf that was remotely fertile, so his kicker could have the best chance to nail what would normally be a chip shot.

As I sat riled on the coach, sputtering out curse words like a madman, my brother reminded how little Mike Tomlin cares about my fantasy season and that of everyone else. How he was just trying to win a painfully scoreless game the best way he possibly could, and if that meant avoiding a possible fumble by Parker in the slippery swamp that was Heinz Field last night, then so be it. It’s a time like this, when you really have to separate fantasy from reality.

Who is Public Enemy no. 1?

2007-11-15T14:10:00.000-05:00

On this past summer’s new HBO series Flight of the Conchords, a character named Bret is posed with a chicken vs. the egg scenario when weighing out a new job vs. the commitment to his band. The problem was he needed money to supplement his lifestyle, but the job was cutting into his gig schedule. His manager Murray, unfamiliar with the expression, attempts to clarify. “That’s silly,” he says. “It’s the chicken, of course.” Bret replies, “So where did the chicken come from?” Murray answers, “Well it comes from the - oh.”

I bring this up, because a similar question can be posed about the current dreadful state of the New York Knicks, and who can be labeled as the culprit. I see only two leading candidates- the condemned coach Isiah Thomas, and the problematic point guard Stephon Marbury. You could argue James Dolan, but I choose not to. When it comes down to it, the makeup of this team and how they play starts at the General Manager, which happens to be Thomas, and trickles down to the 15th man on the roster - Randolph Morris, for everyone keeping score.

As far as who came first, the literal answer is Thomas, who was hired as the Knicks GM in December of 2003. Shortly after, Marbury came along in January, when Zeke made his first of many moves in New York, trading his first two of several first round picks, acquiring the All-Star guard and Brooklyn native from the Phoenix Suns. At the time, the trade seemed to make a lot of sense. The Knicks were reeling in the post-Ewing era, and were in desperate need of a face for the franchise. While the Suns were struggling that season, Marbury was still a top player in the league, with elite numbers (20ppg, 8apg) and a proven track record of, at the least, winning basketball in the regular season.

My friend called me and gushed, “We got Marbury!”, and how could I not be excited? We got the kid from Coney, Starbury, a player who could score and create, and was still relatively young. And for a few months, the trade looked right. The Knicks thrived in a system where Marbury would slash to the basket, and either score or kick it out to Keith Van Horn, who many people may forget, thrived when playing with Stephon. He was later traded, and the Knicks went on to make the playoffs and lose in the first round. They haven’t been back since.

Now, as far as who is to blame for the Knicks incompetence, this is where the chicken vs. the egg scenario comes into play. Do you blame Marbury, who has ultimately failed as the team’s point guard, leader and franchise star? Or, do you blame Thomas for brining in Marbury, along with the several other trades and free agent signings he has executed while stationed at the helm. It’s not who came first, it’s who created the mess.

Fast forward through the endless list of things I can complain about both of these guys, and lets get to the most recent incident, probably the most troubling and telling indicator of why the Knicks are in such turmoil. Say what you want about Marbury, but Isiah Thomas has proved time and time again that he is clearly incapable of running a basketball team. His decision to bench Marbury, despite his troubles, realistically, didn’t make a whole lot of sense. The team simply has no other answer at point guard, and it’s more Marbury’s problems at the end of games that hurts the team, not whether or not he takes the floor at tip-off.

At the same time, say what you want about Thomas, but Stephon Marbury has clearly lost his mind. I don’t know if he ever actually had his sanity, but let’s stop and look at a few things Starbury has done and said in just the last year:

- Created a cable talk show that caused conflict with his commitment to the team. He skipped practice to tape it.

- Announced that he was looking at playing in Italy once his contract expired in two seasons.

- Openly defended Michael Vick, calling dog fighting a sport.

- Admitted to having sex with an intern in the back of a truck, and then decided, that he found Jesus.

- His most recent riff with Isiah, in which he turned his back on his teammates, allegedly threw punches at his coach, and publicly stated that he had dirt on Isiah, in a last ditch attempt at blackmail.

This is only what the media reported on, so who knows what else. Now that Marbury is back with the team, for now at least, both him and Thomas said that the incident was in the past, and that they have been trying to keep everything “in-house.” That last part really humors me. Keeping it in-house? I don’t know if they could have done a worse job of keeping this thing in-house. This story has been reported on by the media so well, due in part by how public Isiah and Stephon have been with their comments. Now they are trying to say that the internal issues are being kept private. Could have fooled me.

So, who is ultimately to blame. Who is the culprit? More importantly, since they both are guilty in my view - the question is, who is public enemy number one? I have said this for a while now, and the answer is Thomas. If I had to prioritize who was more damaging to the Knicks, Zeke clearly holds so much more power on this team as both the GM and coach, than Marbury ever will. Stephon will never be a player bigger than a coach, like Michael Jordan or LeBron James, simply because he isn’t good enough, or enough of a leader to warrant such respect, or better yet, fear.

You know how I know Isiah is the least likely candidate for Coach of the Year? Because I watch his press conferences. You have to hand it to him, he does a great job of pointing out all the mistakes him team made in failing to win the game, and the lack of good decision making and play-calling that played a part in it. See where I am getting at? Good coaches rarely have press conferences that sound like a typical one from Isiah.

At the same time, I do think the Knicks have to cut bait with Marbury, and they might as well do it now. I’m all for starting him if we got him, probably because I have become so apathetic when it comes to the team’s current guard rotation, but I much rather not have him on the team altogether. I hate using the term, but he is a cancer. The problem is, the time to cut bait was this summer, when the Knicks would at least had the chance to sign or trade for a new point guard, like for example, Brevin Knight, currently on the Clippers, who beat them last night. It’s too late for that now.

Where the season goes from here is anyone’s guess. Can I honestly predict what will happen with Marbury, or Isiah for that matter? No. Will I have a feeling of relief and optimism if both are magically gone one day when I wake up. Absolutely. But like Murray ponders over the chicken vs. the egg, I too am left pondering.

Jew-rotic rants of the Week

Also in the association, the Celtics are straight murdering opponents, bringing up this little fun fact I enjoyed dropping to friends this week. Since the Red Sox fought back to win three straight against the Indians a month ago, neither them, the Patriots or Celtics have lost a game. Wow. If you are a sports fan in Boston, life feels complete. My friend Joey asked me what about the Bruins. I told him to shut his fat mouth.

So the Lakers are 4-3, with wins over Phoenix, Utah and the Rockets. They also play in a division that I think is weaker from a year ago. Um, call me crazy, but shouldn’t Kobe take some advice from Lisa Loeb, and just...stay? The team now has Odom back, and the young guys are playing their asses off, despite being publicly under-appreciated by the Mamba. I really hate Kobe for being such a whiner in this situation, but I can’t deny how talented he is. If he is going to keep turning down trades because he doesn’t like the gutted teams he’ll end up on, maybe he should take a look at the guys in his locker room in comparison.

Guess who is also 4-3? The Portland Trailblazers, and after a pretty brutal start to their season, schedule wise. The remainder of November looks a lot more favorable, so is it inconceivable to think this team can have a winning record after the first month? I still don’t see them making the playoffs, but I also think it’s very important that they continue to play hard this year, and not tank for another high lottery pick. This team is talented without Greg Oden, and their surprising start is showing just how scary they can be when he comes back. So why stink this season? Like I said in my preview, the Blazers should let teams know who they are this year, and return in 2007-07 as a viable playoff contender. Besides, they can still net a decent late lottery pick if they ultimately don’t make the playoffs this year.

Dwight Howard, you are beast, and I regret not taking you with my second pick in the fantasy draft. Orlando seems to be a team that has everything going well for them right now, but remember they started off great last year, and then struggled to score points at the end of the season. That is why it is crucial for Rashard Lewis to stay healthy and for Hedo Turkoglu to continue scoring in at least the high teens. It doesn’t hurt that Howard is exploding for 30 on some nights now, and is shooting better from the line. This team can finish second in the East, and I wouldn’t be surprised.

In Japanese restaurants all across the country last night, the hibachi grills suddenly ignited. He’s baaaack...

Luis Scola does not look like the MVP of the European League. Unless the MVP of the European League is supposed to constantly not know where to be on the court, have his men blow by him for points with ease, and girlishly raise his hands for the ball at T-Mac, looking like that worst kid on the basketball team who doesn’t really want the ball, but pretends to, just because he knows the star wont pass it to him anyway. So yeah, he is kind of a disappointment in my view.

My good buddy Meir is already on the Walt Clyde Frazierisms watch for the 2007-08 season. First up, is this tidbit on a player’s defense, “He is on his case like Sherlock Holmes.”

Awards Predictions

2007-10-31T17:03:00.000-05:00

I don’t like predicting things in sports, but I guess I owe it to myself to try. It’s tougher in the beginning of the year, because so much is uncertain with injuries, position battles and the like. Nonetheless, here’s my two cents on the major awards for the 2007-08 season, and who will be hoisting them over head with an awkward, unenthused smile by season’s end. Enjoy.

MVP: LeBron James

Today I read Bill Simmons’ rushed NBA preview (he self proclaimed it), and noticed that he left the Cavaliers out of the playoff picture. And so, the LeBron hating train rolls along, this time from his biggest critic/supporter. Everyone can breathe a sigh of relief, however, because Cleveland had resigned the Pippen to LeBron’s Jordan – the incomparable Sasha Pavlovic. We can all keep our fingers crossed that a deal for Anderson Varejo is imminent.

Like I stated in my Eastern Conference preview - while these players play valuable roles - the most important role on this team belongs to LeBron. Without him, this team would be dreadful. They would be the worst in the league, and the Pavlovic-Varejo combo wouldn’t be able to demand a mid-level deal to save their lives (and it’s not like they’re attracting so many buyers considering their current worth). Are we totally forgetting how LeBron dominated in the Eastern Conference Finals last year? How, even though he was called out for inconsistency last year, he still led his team to 50 wins and with a stat line that looked like this (27.3 p, 6.7 r, 6.0 a).

The crucial point is this – if an MVP is supposed to be a player with the greatest individual value to his team, albeit it is a winning team, what other player better fits the bill? His candidacy for the award is only raised when it’s factored in that I feel the Cavaliers will win the highly contested Central this year, and that LeBron will improve in some of his weaker statistical categories, namely free throw percentage. Enough is enough. LeBron is the best player in this league, and needs to be acknowledged for it with the hardware.

You can also make a case for: Steve Nash, Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett.
Sleeper pick: Pau Gasol

ROY: Kevin Durant

Luckily for Durant, the rookie of the year award is based almost entirely on individual stats, so the Sonics miserable season shouldn’t have an effect on his chances. While he is currently nursing an injury, Durant should be healthy enough this year to get on the floor, and fill out a pretty balanced stat sheet, common in other recent ROY winners (Brandon Roy, Chris Paul, LeBron). While his position is uncertain, it’s almost irrelevant when Durant’s scoring is considered. The Sonics literally need him to get 20 points a game, and considering how often their offensive game-plan will break down over the course of the season, Durant should have plenty of opportunities to create shots. His rebound total will depend on whether he slides into a forward spot, but believe you me, their will be no consistency to what the Sonics throw out this year, with another tweener draft pick in Jeff Green and two undersized big men in Chris Wilcox and Nick Collison in the fray. It could be a very frustrating and confusing season for Durant, but I have no doubt he will score at least twenty, grab around five rebounds, and average at least a steal in his rookie year. His percentages have a good chance of being shot though.

You can also make a case for: Al Horford, Al Thornton, Corey Brewer.
Sleeper pick: Luis Scola (If I don’t pick him, nobody else will)

Most Improved Player: Ronnie Brewer

This is a tough category to peg, because there are a handful of worthy candidates and it is simply too early to tell who will make the hugest individual jump in statistical categories. After opening night of the season, however, it’s hard to argue against a case for Ronnie Brewer, Utah’s second year shooting guard, who has locked down the starting gig for the year. He had an impressive debut, scoring 18 points with 4 steals, and this came with fairly limited minutes for a starter. His minutes should increase (still puzzles me why Gordan Giricek was playing the fourth quarter), making it very possible for Brewer to average close to twenty points this season. He compliments his stat line with solid percentages, and a league leading amount of steals – think around 2 per game. If he can achieve this, it makes him a great candidate for this award when you consider his numbers from a year ago. As a rookie scraping for minutes, Brewer average just 4.6 points and under a steal per game. Increasing his scoring average by almost 300 percent should be enough to make him a top candidate.

You can also make a case for: Rudy Gay, LaMarcus Aldridge, Andrea Bargnani (Yes they are all second year guys, but doesn’t the award seem to be made for them?)
Sleeper pick: Jameer Nelson or Andrew Bynum

Sixth Man: Leandro Barbosa

Don’t really see the need in picking against a guy I predicted would win last year’s award at the All-Star break, and that’s exactly what he did. Plain and simple, statistically and invariably, Barbosa is the best pound-for-pound sixth man in the NBA. He scores a ton of points in limited minutes, is deadly from long range, and has a solid passing game to spare the league’s best point guard. I say pound-for-pound, because David Lee brings a whole different element with his post presence, but when it comes down to the one guy who will revitalize a tiring squad the second he snaps off his warm-ups, Barbosa is the man. Last year I compared him to a NOS tank that gives Japanese race cars that speed-burst to the next level. Respect.

You can also make a case for: David Lee, Manu Ginobili, Jose Calderon
Sleeper pick: Walter Hermann

Coach of the Year: Jerry Sloan

Yawn. I really don’t care about this category as I have stated in the past. I went as far as to give it to a fictional movie character played by Nick Nolte in my mid-season report last season. I seemed to jock Jerry Sloan a decent amount in my Utah preview, so…there you have it. Oh yeah, it’s probably important to know that the historic coach has NEVER won the award, while the following guys have: Doc Rivers. Yes, that was a short list. But please, can someone give this guy his due?

You can also make a case for: Coaches whose teams win a lot of games.
Sleeper pick: OK, I’ll exert some effort here. Mark Iavaroni.

Defensive Player of the Year: Marcus Camby

If Camby stays healthy, he is simply the most intimidating defensive presence in the post, a title Ben Wallace has kindly bestowed to him in the past two years. You can go with a perimeter defender here, and take Bruce Bowen, but I don’t want to award Bruce Bowen for an achievement. You can take a versatile guy that fills a stat sheet, like Josh Smith or Gerald Wallace, but the overall defensive impact of those guys is far less when compared to Camby. When you have such an imposing shot-blocker lurking down low, it’s not the amount of blocks that he is getting (3.3) as much as the shots he is preventing from even becoming attempted. That’s what an intimidating post defender does - he deters field goals from even being considered. He makes them not exist, and forces his opponents to choose other scoring options. When Camby is healthy, he is the best player in the league at defending high percentage shots, by making them low percentage shots, or no percentage shots. He’s close to a unanimous choice.

You can also make a case for: Andrei Kirilenko, Gerald Wallace, Josh Smith
Sleeper pick: Emeka Okafor

BEST IN THE WEST? Think Steve Nash with a mean streak

2007-10-28T18:54:00.000-05:00

Western Conference Preview

Northwest Division-

Jerry Sloan of the Utah Jazz is quite the rarity in professional sports. He coached a perennial playoff team for years with Karl Malone and John Stockton, up until their inevitable departure. He was then left with two options – stay and rebuild an entirely new franchise, or call it a career in Utah or the league altogether. Most coaches choose option 2. Sloan, on the otherhand, stuck it out for a few years, and last season, had another division championship under his belt with the new era Jazz. It’s a true testament to his patience and desire for the game. How long he remains with the team is the question. The Jazz were ranked no. 2 for me in basketball intelligence last year, second only to the team that ousted them in the Western Conference Finals. They are led by Deron Williams, a pure point guard who should top 10 assists this season, and a 20-10 power forward horse in Carlos Boozer. Stockton and Malone reincarnated? Not quite, but this team is complimented by a versatile center in Mehmet Okur. Their final two starting spots are more intriguing. Shooting guard Ronnie Brewer will need to develop a consistent offensive game, even though he isn’t known for his shooting. And it should be a make-or-break year for Andre Kirilenko, whose once all-around game has faded over the past two seasons. Nonetheless, they should compete for the division again, and are in good shape for the future, with or without their prolific coach.

It was a frenzied year for the Denver Nuggets last season, after the brawl in New York beget the trade for Allen Iverson. Regardless if the two events are connected or not, the Nuggets never really jelled once Carmelo Anthony returned from injury and played alongside A.I. With a full training camp under their belt, the Nuggets will now have a fresh start to prove if the formula is successful. Both players are top ten scorers, but will need to focus on the other parts of their games to be winners, especially defensive pressure. There is loads of that down low as long as Marcus Camby stays healthy, which surprisingly has been the case for two years now. Along with him, Nene is also starting to play more consistently and with a mean streak. I forget that this team still has Kenyon Martin, and will leave it up to him to remind me. An interesting thing when looking at the Nuggets is what they'll get out of point guard. Chucky Atkins is a pass first guy with a few pretty good options, but his usefulness will depend on Iverson’s resilience to give up the lead. The Nuggets just need to figure out how to click, because they have every hole filled, or close to it. I worry a little bit about George Karl running the show. He has grown to lose his cool over the years, and has a potentially tumultuous team to further fuel his fire. A playoff berth is a lock, but I don’t know if the Nuggets have the mental composure to play against the conference elite.

Here’s where the division gets ugly. Let’s start with a team that had every reason to smile four months ago, but has since had only heartache and pain. The Portland Trail Blazers drafted Greg Oden with the first pick this June, and then immediately traded their best player in Zack Randolph to clear the new franchise’s runway. Several other draft day moves, tweaks and trades had the Blazers looking primed to make a small dent this season, followed by a huge impact in following years. With Oden now out for the year, the Blazers are worse than they were last season on paper, and to add insult to injury – or should I say, injury to injury – Brandon Roy is suffering from a painful bone spur in his heel. They aren’t going anywhere this year, and can only look forward to the fact they will collect another high lottery pick as a consolation prize, further strengthening the outlook of a team built for the future. Still, the Oden injury has to trouble Portland fans. I can’t remember too many all-time greats who started their careers by missing an entire rookie season to injury. (Please email me any names if you find out). One bright spot should be emerging power forward LaMarcus Aldridge, who showed promise towards the end of his rookie year. If he could have a breakout year in Oden’s absence, it could help alleviate the pressure of his return next season.

The Oden injury makes the Seattle Supersonics look like the winners of 2007 NBA draft, since Kevin Durant didn’t suffer an unfortunate preseason injury. Wait a minute, not so fast. He just did. Granted, Durant’s sprained ankle shouldn’t sideline him for too long, but for all the hoopla surrounding this year’s top two picks, it doesn’t look like either of them will be playing on their teams opening nights. When Durant does come back, he will be playing on a team gutted of all its offense, now that Allen and Lewis have fled for the East. The Sonics have no identity right now, mostly because the type of player Durant will be relies heavily on how his skill set will translate to the NBA, more importantly, what position he will play. He’s between two and three at the moment, but there is still hope that he grow into his wiry frame, and into a player in the making of Kevin Garnett. Durant will need to bulk up, because his current body weight will get abused in the big league. The team is also being built around Jeff Green, a much stronger force, who plays smart and athletic ball. You can’t do much worse as far as young pieces to the puzzle, but the rest of the Sonics squad really does nothing for me. They have a hobbit of a point guard in Luke Ridnour, and a lack of height in the frontcourt. Durant excites me, but Seattle is still years and roster moves away from competing.

As the rebuilding line rolls on, we are left with the Minnesota Timberwolves. As much flack as GM Kevin McHale gets, you got to tip your hat to him for not giving Garnett away. Instead, he got the league’s second best young big man in Al Jefferson, who I have right behind Dwight Howard in under-25 potential. He also got an interesting project in Gerald Green, a solid role player in Ryan Gomes, and an inspiring documentary film star in Sebastian Telfair. The truth is, the trade was a must make, considering how miserable the team was with Garnett. Sure they need to rebuild now, but we’re talking about a team that hasn’t made the playoffs for two straight years with the Big Ticket. Obviously they are too young and inexperienced to do anything this year, but the organization immediately got off to the right foot by getting a good return investment. I still need to see something from Randy Foye. He didn’t score or pass enough last year to garner enough positive outlook. I’m also up in the air with the drafting of Corey Brewer. He is a defensive minded player, and this team is going to struggle scoring points, especially that they have now traded Ricky Davis away for deadweight in Antoine Walker. This team will struggle in general, and the pressure may get to Jefferson early, in a new, strange city. The Wolves, in my opinion, will contend with Philadelphia for the league’s worst record.

Prediction: The Northwest is clearly a rebuilding division when the bottom three is considered, however, the top two teams have a lot to prove, and may need to prove it this season. Utah is coming off a very successful year, winning its division and making it to the Western Conference Finals. The next step is getting into the finals, whether they have to go through Texas or Arizona to get there. The clock isn’t ticking for the team, still fairly young, as much as it is for Sloan. The Nuggets, with one of the highest payrolls in the league and a much hyped duo in Iverson and Anthony, are also being expected to compete for a title. The allure of their top two superstars has been very much downgraded though, after Boston rolled out its even more impressive top three. If the Nuggets stay healthy, I think they will eek out the division due to their overall talent.

Pacific Division-

While there still isn’t a team as fun to watch as the Phoenix Suns, it’s pretty safe to say that the fun is wearing thin for the players, who are still waiting to break into the finals. This year could be the year, but it’s hard to say why or how. The team will continue to do what it did best last year, run up and down the floor for 48 minutes straight, and thrive solely on turnovers on the defensive end. There is no reason to think they’ll do anything differently – they kept the core of the team intact, and added Grant Hill to run at guard and play some point forward. This team doesn’t have an emphasis on defense, something Dallas eventually reformed to and they are now one of the league’s best defensive teams. Amare Stoudemire is only an average shot blocker for his size, and Raja Bell is their best perimeter defender. Nonetheless, some analysts say it will be impossible for a team like this to win a championship and I disagree. The Lakers won a handful of rings in the eighties with the same style. The Suns should once again dominate the regular season and win the non-competitive Pacific. What they will need to do is change their style of play a little in the playoffs, and toughen up, especially if they play the Spurs. Remember, last year’s series between the two was marred by an incident that suspended Stoudemire and Boris Diaw for a game. The Suns can’t let themselves be pushed around this time.

The Los Angeles Lakers season weighs heavily on the status of Kobe Bryant, and as I type this entry, trade talks are allegedly starting to heat up. The Lakers are asking the Bulls for a package that would include Luol Deng, Ben Gordon, Tyrus Thomas and Joakim Noah - something Chicago is reluctant to offer for just Kobe. I think if the Lakers are serious about dealing Kobe, they will need to throw in Lamar Odom in some type of salary-friendly three team deal, since he doesn’t seem to figure into their future regardless of the scenario. This whole mess with Bryant is making it really hard to peg what type of team the Lakers will be this year, but for now I’ll survey the current roster, Bryant included. First off, the team is once again desperately lacking at point guard, and will look toward an aging Derek Fisher to run the show. Waiting in the wings is rookie Javaris Crittenton, who isn’t ready to contribute. I’m not impressed with their frontline either, which some analysts describe as deep. I’m sorry, but the word “deep” doesn’t come to mind when I envision Chris Mihm and Kwame Brown sharing minutes at the 4 and 5. I like Ronny Turiaf and Luke Walton as role-players…on a team that has its bigger contributors figured out. The bright spot on this roster remains young center Andrew Bynum, who for some reason takes Kobe’s criticism to heart. In my opinion, Kobe is a cancer on this team. He plays so coy and naïve when interviewed about his future status, when it’s quite obvious that he is instigating the whole thing. The Lakers would be wise to trade him now for the best offer possible, and look toward rebuilding with the rest of the young West.

The Golden State Warriors were the Colorado Rockies of basketball last season, riding a season ending surge into the playoffs, followed by a huge upset against the Mavericks. The magical run fizzled against Utah, when the perimeter orientated Road Warriors ran out of gas. One of the biggest questions going into this season is if the Warriors can convert their late season winning formula into a whole season. I’m skeptical. The team is really small, playing a traditional small forward, Al Harrington, at power forward, a traditional shooting guard, Stephen Jackson, at small forward, with a short two, Monta Ellis playing alongside Baron Davis in the backcourt. They have a physically gifted center in Andris Biedrins, and his value is crucial. He will need to continue boarding and blocking shots to make up for the team’s suspect height. They are an exciting team to watch, and were able to keep their deep roster intact, after almost losing sixth man Matt Barnes to free agency. On top of that they have a strong home court advantage - crucial in basketball – and the true fans should be strong in numbers from game one of the season. (Not the fake celebrity fans that ate up all the Jazz series tickets, totally killing the vibe at Oracle Arena). If Baron Davis can stay healthy, the Warriors should contend for a low playoff seed, but like the Wizards of the East, they are simply too small, and limited defensively (30th in points allowed last year) to compete with the big boys.

I only saw Shaun Livingston’s crushing knee injury once, and it was once too much. The thing shattered and crumbled like a Pepsi can in a vice grip. Ouch please. With him out for the year, and Elton Brand out for at least half, the Los Angeles Clippers could pretty much punt this season for a high draft pick. It’s really the trend in the west this year, with so many teams rebuilding due to injury, losing star players, or overall digression. It should make the conference very top heavy this year, and not as competitive for the last couple of spots. As for the Clippers, it should be the Corey Maggette show, since he is playing for a contract and should make fantasy owners happy. I think the Brand injury will give rookie Al Thornton a good spot at showing how NBA ready he is, but it should only serve as a footnote to the Clippers frustrating season. Ugh, I’m struggling for words here. I have absolutely no interest in the 2007-8 Los Angeles Clippers season. I’m moving on to the next team now.

There was a time when the Sacramento Kings were the cover-boys of the NBA – a competitive team that was exciting to watch for consecutive, deep runs in the postseason. That team now feels like a distant memory, in favor of the current squad that totally lacks team chemistry. Mike Bibby is quickly becoming washed up at an early age, as his assists total dipped below five per game last season. He instead heaved up a lot of threes, which isn’t what you want out of your starting point guard, on a team that once thrived on ball movement. Apparently, he also doesn’t get along with Ron Artest – a real shocker there. I guess these are all problems the Kings won’t have to worry about for some time, since Bibby will be out with a torn finger for at least two months. Looking at the rest of the team, Kevin Martin is a good option at shooting guard, yes, but it is an easy position to fill, and he’s been called out for playing uninspiring defense. Mikki Moore appears to be one of those signings that won’t pan out well, but I do like his defensive presence over Shareef Abdur-Rahim, who owns the dubious honor of having the worst personal winning percentage of any player in the NBA. Yup, that's what you get with Shareef…a proven loser. Brad Miller is calling for a comeback, but it will be too little too late. On top of that, the man at the helm of this mockery is Reggie Theus of Hang Time fame. I think the Maloof brothers are running on empty these days, and the Kings are slowly becoming a non-priority. As a result, this team will be outside of the playoff picture for the foreseeable future.

Prediction: Clearly, this is the most lopsided, run-away-with it division, only rivaled by the Atlantic where Boston has yet to prove it can run away with first place. The Suns are a regular season juggernaut, and now they will be leading the way in a division that could lose its biggest star, has one team decimated by injury, and another that should compete, but is simply a lesser version of Phoenix. So the Suns winning is a given, but how far they get will depend on what type of team they are once May rolls around. Like I stated above, they need to toughen up on the defensive end. Nash will exert himself enough on the offensive end, and Bell will lock down the best swingman, so it will be up to Marion and Stoudemire to start scaring some of the West’s big men from the paint. If they do, it could finally be the Suns year to shine.

Southwest-

My lack of interest in the NBA over the years has to be subconsciously linked to the scattered dynasty of the San Antonio Spurs. Actually, it’s directly linked. I rarely bother watching the finals when the Spurs make it, and that’s pretty much every other year. What can I say, they play a boring half-court game, Ginobili’s bald spot is getting increasingly larger in HD, they have managed to make Michael Finley a boring player (granted he’s getting old) and they have a bunch of unlikable players. Bruce Bowen is only a player you can like if he plays for your team, and Robert Horry has also grown into a heel of the league – especially after his hip check on Nash caused the suspensions and subsequent end of the Suns series last year. I’m going to let my bias reign supreme here, and say that I wish nothing but the worst for the Spurs this season. It’s going to take a Duncan injury to officially bury them, so let’s pray for that improbable scenario. Maybe, Eva Longoria can convince Tony Parker to leave the team for a new career as Fabrice, Gabrielle’s fag-hag fashion dresser on Desperate Housewives. It’s probably more likely than a Duncan injury. (And yes, I had to google Eva’s character name on that awful show.)

So Sports Illustrated says it’s the Dallas Mavericks year. I say – why exactly? The team didn’t improve, unless Eddie Jones is that missing piece of the puzzle I am overlooking. Dirk Nowitzki went on some spiritual awakening trip after that loss to Golden State, which apparently will make him choke less in the playoffs? I’m not going to write off the Mavericks, because they have been so consistently dominant in the regular season for almost a decade now. They are a team that was able to change its defensive mindset, and are now consistently atop the league in points allowed, fourth last year. Plus, they have a young emerging star in Josh Howard to spare Nowitzki now, even though his temper was displayed this pre-season, leading to a season-opening two game suspension. Hopefully the incident was an aberration, because the Mavericks have been a clean-cut team and don’t need to deal with a hothead. A glaring weakness with this team, that doesn’t receive enough attention, is their lack of a point guard. Devin Harris, who the team traded up to get in the draft in 04, is now entering his fourth year as a Maverick. His most recent stats (10.2 p, 2.5 r, 3.7 a) are just not impressive, especially the assists, which are staggeringly low for a point guard on a top team. Management, however, sees nothing wrong with Harris at the position, and they’re doomed to get the same production again this year. With the team’s best playmaker, Jason Terry, allegedly being pushed out of the starting lineup for Jerry Stackhouse’s sake, the team will find themselves without a strong passer a lot this year, causing Dirk to create more of his own shots, and continue the burden that buried them in the playoffs. Unless this team wakes up and realizes it needs a new point guard, one with leadership, I don’t think the Mavericks can win a championship.

The most intriguing contender this year may be the Houston Rockets, who are hoping to have Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady healthy for a whole year. It’s a big if, considering Yao missed a decent chunk of last year’s season, and because McGrady’s injury is a chronic, nagging one to his back, that will probably never evade his career. The team is expecting to plug in a huge hole at power forward with Luis Scola, an Argentinean who plays for Spain, and is widely considered the MVP of the Euro league. If Scola can over-exceed his expectations, and produce a solid double-double with some defense, the Rockets could be on the right track. They have a great role player in Shane Battier, who should thrive from playing alongside another fundamentally sound veteran in Scola, in comparison to Juwan Howard, who I imagine is very depressing to play with. The team’s biggest question mark is the logjam at point guard, where Rafer Alston, Mike James and Steve Francis will all battle for minutes. Alston looks to start, but his terrible shooting percentage may open up the door for either James or Francis, who for what it's worth, both had their best years in Houston. I like the Rockets, but it depends a lot on just how good Scola really is. Nothing is certain with these Euro guys, but if he’s seriously the best of the best, the odds are in Houston’s favor to win a playoff series this year, and maybe more.

The New Orleans Hornets , now officialy out of Oklahoma City, are a team that would really benefit from playing in the east, and it sucks for them, because they recently did. It’s tough for the young team to establish itself among Phoenix and the Texas big three, and it’s unfortunate because they have a solid young core. Chris Paul is one of the brightest stars in this league, possessing an all-around game that lends from so many greats at his position. His health, and that of fellow young star, power forward David West, cannot be an issue in the future, and this year will be a good barometer of that. While Paul is going in healthy, West, unfortunately, is nursing an ankle injury and may miss the beginning of the season. It’s discouraging, but at the same time the team will welcome back Peja Stojakovic’s must needed scoring and shooting, which was lost when he went down with an injury last year. Amid all these injuries, Tyson Chandler has been at full strength playing center, and really anchors this team with his board and blocks. He is already a valuable asset to the team, and if he could get his scoring up in the teens, could additionally help boost a bottom-feeder offense. This team will need to stay healthy if they want to make the playoffs, and right now it’s West who’s looking like the most vulnerable part of that equation. They are also going to need production from their unproductive bench, which could come from rookie Julian Wright, and possibly second year big man Hilton Armstrong. But like I said, health will dictate this team’s success - probably more than any other team in the league.

Finally, the last team in my season preview happens to be the league’s worst team from last season, the Memphis Grizzlies. All that losing didn’t help out during draft time, when the Grizzlies had to settle for the 4th pick, and missed out on the big top two (both currently injured, mind you). They ended up with Mike Conley, a highly touted point guard, who if you ask me is a little overrated. He didn’t look like the greatest playmaker at Ohio State, but he does play with great speed and energy. The Grizzlies current point guard, however, is slower than Dick Bavetta with a bloodied knee. Apparently Damon Stoudamire is starting the season off, and I can only hope this is to give Conley time to see just how average he has to be to steal the starting spot. In other news, Pau Gasol “should” be back for a full season, and I put quotations on should because he hasn’t played most of the preseason. Apparently, the once sour Grizzly is happy this season because they added some Spanish dude, Juan Carlos Navarro, he used to play alongside, and possibly backpack through Europe with too. Will it be enough to make the Grizzlies contend? Mike Miller definitely helps their cause by becoming a more reliable scorer at this stage in his career, and there is a lot of hype starting to surround Rudy Gay. With those two, Gasol, Darko Milicic, Hakim Warrick and Stromile Swift, the Grizzlies have arguably enough size to compete in the West – the question is whether they have anything else. I’m going to wrap this all up by saying that their season will depend a lot on the young Conley, and if he has the playmaking ability, jump-shot and heart to lead a team of talented 6”6+ pieces. If he does, the Grizzlies have a shot to compete, and possibly make the playoffs.

Prediction: This is the best division, obviously, when I say the last place team has a chance to make the playoffs. Look, I know I have the analyst credibility of Sheryl Swoopes if I say that a whole division will make the playoffs, but four teams? Maybe. That would leave spots for Phoenix, Golden State, Utah and Denver, as I don’t see much hope for anyone from this group: Minnesota, Seattle, Portland, Sacramento, and the two teams in Los Angeles. So, I'll leave it at this. The boring ass Spurs will fend off Dallas and Houston for the division, and as long as the Hornets stay healthy, the much improved Grizzlies will fall short, with a 40-42 win campaign. Like I said, the west is top heavy, and the top pretty much consists of the Southwest.

The Sports Jew's 2007 NBA Preview

2007-10-25T19:17:00.000-05:00

(This is a three-parter, partnas. First off, a look at the Eastern Conference)

BOSTON THREE PARTY: The grass continues to get greener for a nation of Massholes.

The Eastern Conference

Atlantic Division-

Clearly, this is the Boston Celtics division to win. For a batch of teams referred to as the Titanic Division last season, it should take the injection of two superstars, Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen, into a team already consisting of one, Paul Pierce, to win the thing by default. The trio may take a little time to find its rhythm, but once the three of them get rolling, I think the Celtics are going to rack up winning streaks against the weaker parts of their schedule. Each superstar has their spot on the court to be fed - it will be up to Rajon Rondo to feed them. And it wouldn’t hurt for Kendrick Perkins to log in a solid season at center, allowing Kevin Garnett to play most of his minutes at power forward. This team should be as good as advertised.

As for last year’s division champs, the Toronto Raptors should still be a very sound basketball team that will make the playoffs, because they play smart basketball in the young and incompetent East. They have 48 solid minutes at point guard with T.J. Ford and Jose Calderon, the league’s best young big man in Chris Bosh, and last year’s number one pick, Andrea Bargnani, who finally began showing signs of his perimeter game late in his rookie season. I don’t know why analysts love gloating about Jorge Garbajosa’s garbage stat line (8.5. p, 4.9 r, 1.9 a) when praising this team, but I still like the Raptors to contend, and make that turbaned season ticket holder go nuts in his seat.

The New Jersey Nets are a schizophrenic team if I’ve come across one. At one point, they are ready to dump off Jason Kidd and Richard Jefferson and rebuild, and at the next, they are focused on resigning Vince Carter, bolstering their frontline, and keeping those aforementioned players. With that said, if the Nets stay healthy, I like them this year. They are one of the smarter teams in the East with Kidd at the helm, and I really like Nenad Krstic at power forward if he can stay healthy and score in the high teens, which he did last year before getting hurt. This will allow Jamaal Magloire to focus on what he does best, rebound and log solid minutes at center. It would be a huge upgrade over Jason Collins, who the Nets have totally neglected their center position to for years now. This team, however, is one Kidd injury away from being a non-factor.

It’s too early to tell, but the Philadelphia 76ers could be the worst team in basketball this season, and a lot of it has to do with their dreadful lack of shooting. With the exception of Kyle Korver, who is not enough of a well rounded player to log serious minutes, this team cannot score outside of 15 feet for its life. Andre Iguodala is a nice, versatile player, who should make fantasy owners happy, but he scores his points with his feet. Andre Miller is possibly the worst shooting point guard in the NBA – he made 14 percent of his threes last year. Yes, 14. While this team had little chance to improve itself in the off-season, it’s a wonder why they took Thaddeus Young with their draft pick last June, an athletic freak that mirrors Iguodala’s game. It would have made much more sense to take another Young, Nick Young of USC, who is currently on the Wizards regular season roster. Thaddeus, on the other hand, is not expected to contribute minutes this season.

Finally, we are left with the New York Knicks. Anyone who reads me knows that I hold about as much positive bias for this team as the Winslows bestowed to their youngest daughter Judy on Family Matters. (And we wonder why she ended up in porn. Life’s mysteries). But this past draft day, when the Knicks dumped off a heap of wasted bench space for a 20-10 career headcase, I couldn’t find anything to complain about. The Knicks now have an abundance of low post scoring, over 50 points combined from Zack Randolph, Eddie Curry and David Lee. Many teams in the league would kill for half of that output. And for everyone worried how Randolph and Curry will share the load, it’s wise to know that Curry favors the right block, while Randolph sets up on the left, and can also shoot from Patrick Ewing territory. Scoring won’t be a problem. Neither will rebounding, if Curry can get his fat ass out of the way every once in a while. This team can’t block shots, it’s their cross to bear, and unless someone suddenly learns how - it’s going to be hard for them to be consistent on both sides of the floor. The key player in mind will once again be Stephon Marbury. It’s becoming a self fulfilling prophecy to think that a guy like Stephon could sharpen up his game and lead this Knicks team to victory. It makes it even harder to hope when he spends the off-season hosting a surreal late night talk show with the dialogue equivalent of a blunt cipher, while also claiming that he wants to play in Italy when his contracts up. Twenty bucks Marbury forgot what Italy is already. Nonetheless, I like the Knicks to squeeze into the postseason this year. An early season column on them, more in-depth, is inevitable.

Prediction: If all goes according to plan, the Boston Celtics should make it three in a row for Massachusetts pro sports teams winning their respective divisions, a feat I’m not sure has ever been done. (Come on Bruins, let’s make it four!) As for the rest, the Nets are the most dependable, the Knicks are the most talented, and the Raptors are the most likely to benefit from either of the other two’s mistakes. One of the three will take second though, and lock down a playoff spot. At least one will be the odd man out.

Central Division-

Not sure what all the commotion is about, but the Cleveland Cavaliers will probably win the Central again. Probably. They won it last year when everyone said LeBron was mailing in games, and that their coach looked more like Al Roker than a play caller, so what makes this year any different? Oh yes…the dreaded contract disputes of future hall-of-famers Anderson Varejo and Sasha Pavlovic. How can I forget. Look, I don’t want to totally discredit these guys, but Pavlovic is nothing special and Varejo is the kind of guy that can easily be replaced. He plays with great energy, and is a hassle on defense, but I’m pretty sure that there is a tough-nosed guy waiting in the D-League to fill that role. I just don’t understand why people feel the Cavaliers season is dependent on these two guys, who apparently are both not returning. The truth is that this is LeBron’s team. He just got them into the finals, and I’ pretty sure he want to get back. This team still has a solid trio of big men in Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Drew Gooden and Donyell Marshall, who all combine for underrated play upfront. Also, I am a Larry Hughes believer. People are way too hard on a guy who has dealt with family pain and injury, and it’s not like he was totally ineffective when he played last year (14.9 p, 3.8 r, 3.7 a, 1.2 s). Obviously, he needs to get healthy, but it’s ignorant to believe he can’t play second fiddle to LeBron. He’s never been a number one option, so why should an assumption exist that he wants to be.

The Chicago Bulls are probably the best young defensive team in basketball, and pardon my prejudice, but it’s funny that this is partly due to a white point guard, Kirk Hinrich, that absolutely hounds opponents. On top of that, their frontline is getting scary, with a still effective Ben Wallace, going into this season with two wing-span enhanced freaks, Tyrus Thomas and Joakim Noah, at his helm. Throw in a swingman with top basketball I.Q. in Luol Deng, and a dagger thrower in Ben Gordon, and there really isn’t anything not to like. However, there is. The Bulls, without a seasoned veteran scorer, just seem to lack a championship persona that even the All-Star inclined Pistons of 2004 were able to present. It seems ignorant to say, because I praise every inch of their lineup, but I still see this team as a very vulnerable competitor to anyone in the West. They are built better for the East, even with the addition of the Celtics, who they luckily don’t have to share a division with. I will say this - it wouldn’t shock me if the Bulls made a magical run to the Finals this season. Someone quote me on that.

Some Jabroni who contributed to the NBA Season Preview for Sports Illustrated said that the Detroit Pistons “don’t look as committed to the defensive end” under Flip Saunders. That’s funny, because the team gave up only 91.8 ppg last year, second best in the league. On the contrary, the Pistons scored only 96 ppg last season, which was good for 21st in the league. I’m going to be a real “stat guy” here, and say that their offense is the problem. On my scale of smart teams vs. talented teams, the Pistons rank high and low, and it’s because they’ve become so committed to their 1-4 starters, Chauncey Billups, Richard Hamilton, Tayshaun Prince and Rasheed Wallace. They have formed a chain of teamwork and consistency that does not break, because they all have stayed relatively healthy in the past three years. They are weak at center though, and are often left without a crunch-time scorer. The problem is, Mr. Big Shot is not that. Billups is a fine point guard, top ten in the league, but his Finals heroics has left him with somewhat of an unfulfilled legacy. As for Rip, it may be time for Walt Frazier’s favorite masked man to lose said mask. His scoring dipped last year, but I still think he is a great mid-range shooter that should be scoring at least 22 points a contest. The team is high on its young talent in rookie Rodney Stuckey and third year backup Jason Maxiell. I’m going to plead ignorance on both of them, and let the regular season do the talking.

Who here is ready for the new Run-n-Gunning, Revving-n-Running, Indiana Pacers??? I hope the players are, because they are not the Phoenix Suns, and simply saying they are going to play like them won’t make it happen. It’s a novel idea I suppose, for a traditionally half-court team that is finally starting to realize Reggie Miller has retired. I just don’t like this team’s starting lineup one bit, and operation “whiteys for blackys” last year didn’t help. Regardless if Al Harrington and Stephen Jackson were bad for team chemistry, Larry Bird still should have gotten some talent in return for them, since they are both, you know…talented. If the Pacers want to run, Tinsley needs to be the guy to initiate. He can intercept passes, which is a start, but he is a shaky point guard and he doesn’t have Steve Nash’s three-point shot to fall back on. Let’s go on to the Amare of this equation with Jermaine O’Neal. OK, not bad, but Jermaine is going to need to stay healthy and he hasn’t for a few years now. I guess that makes Danny Granger the Shawn Marion. Also promising, since he’s not too bad at filling out a stat sheet. He’ll need to fill it out more. Umm, I guess those white guys from the Warriors make up the rest of this equation. Yeah…maybe they should just go back to slow basketball. It’s worth considering.

So, does anyone in the NBA want to play for the Milwaukee Bucks this year? I mean the spectrum is as broad as it can get – you have one seven-foot Asian guy (who should be happy he now owns his own pair of shoes) not wanting to play in the Cheese State, along with an African American up-and-comer who came this close to packing his bags for Miami. (Sorry Charlie, I feel for you). In Yi Jianlian’s case, it’s going to be hard for a guy who can’t speak English to answer to critics on the court and in the locker room after all of this, and I’ll be shocked if he is productive this year. The Bucks are simply not an elite team regardless, and a lot of that may have to do with Andrew Bogut turning out to be J.A.T.W.D. (or, just another tall white dude). OK, I take that back. He can pass, shoot and board well, but he isn’t worth a first pick, and I’m pretty sure the Bucks rather have someone named Deron or Chris right now. The Bucks do have a nice point guard in Mo Williams and a deadly shooter in Michael Redd, but that is literally about it. This team is prime for the gutter.

Prediction: I really hate LeBron haters. I don’t know why they still exist. The guy just took his team to the finals in his third season, but can’t escape the microscope of criticism. Sure his ego doesn’t help, but it didn’t hurt MJ. And in my opinion, LeBron is the next MJ. He’s more capable of single-handedly winning a title than Kobe, and let’s remember, Dwyane Wade won his with Shaq, not single-handedly. However, if LeBron wants to become the next MJ, he’s going to have to start racking up division titles with ease, and two in a row is a good start.

Southeast Division-

After the team you root for, the next thing a sports fan should lock-in on in any given season is their franchise fantasy sports star, and how they make or break your year. In my case, for two years running now in basketball, that man has been Gilbert “Hibachi, Quality Shots” Arenas of the Washington Wizards. I’m kind of obsessed with the guy. I knew him since college because my brother went to Arizona, and always assumed he was the least likely to succeed. He now enters the 2007-08 season, contract time, coming off a monster outing last year, where he scored 50+ points three times, including a 60 point performance against Kobe. He is cocky as all hell, and even had a YouTube video that suggests he might be clinically insane. He also leads the second best scoring trio in the league after Boston’s yet to perform three, with Caron Butler and Antawn Jamison. Funny however, that while all three of them swipe more than a steal per game, the Wizards are horrible defensively. They are preaching to improve for this season, but Gilbert is still running the show. And he’s crazy. The Wizards will outscore you at will if all three are healthy, which didn’t work out to well by last season’s end. If they could stay intact this season, expect a division title, but not much else. This team is too much of a circus to compete for a title.

The Southeast was known for its hot starts and cold finishes last season, evident by the Wizards and also the Orlando Magic. Both teams were able to make the playoffs and both bowed out in the first round. It’s hard to believe that the Magic, still very incomplete, will drop off this coming season. If anything, the addition of a proven 20 ppg scorer in Rashard Lewis should improve the team’s chances, but not by that much. Lewis is one of the league’s best outside shooters, and he compliments his game by shooting a good percentage and collecting a decent amount of boards. I just don’t view him as a superstar, and everyone who disagreed with his mega-deal contract probably agrees with me. He is, for now, a good compliment to Dwight Howard’s post game. This is still the big guy’s team, as I think Howard has all the tools of a top post player in the NBA, including the horrible foul shooting. This should also be Jameer Nelson’s last chance to prove he can run the point. I think the team is lacking beyond its top three, and the inability to resign Darko Milicic may come back to haunt them. Regardless, I see them improving, and a 45+ win season seems realistic.

In my mind, this division holds the two best teams in the NBA as far as young talent is concerned – the only question being whether each has a shot at making the playoffs. First off it’s the Charlotte Bobcats, a team entering its fourth year now as a franchise. The plan has always been to build from the ground-up with the Bobcats, and avoid overpaying for aging veterans, in favor of stockpiling with young talent in the draft. The formula has proven to work well for the team, which despite not making the playoffs, has improved by at least seven wins in each of its last two seasons. The team is loaded with NCAA Final Four talent, and has now added its closest thing to a proven veteran, former Warriors guard Jason Richardson. That trade was at the expense of Brandan Wright, who I suppose the Bobcats would have kept if the Tarheels made the big dance this spring. The team also has the ultimate glue guy in Gerald Wallace, who if healthy, is an all-around force. I am equally impressed by Emeka Okafor as one of the league’s emerging big men. While the Bobcats will be without both Adam Morrison and Sean May this year, I think the losses are more of a gift than a curse, because it will allow the team to focus on a shorter rotation, still loaded with talent. In all honestly, I like this team’s steadiness, and despite its youth, I think the Bobcats will slip into the number eight seed this year, at the expense of a falling division mate.

The Atlanta Hawks are the second most talented young team in the league, but they haven’t shown the positive signs of growth that Charlotte has. This team is a fantasy basketball haven with Joe Johnson and Josh Smith, the problem is their loaded stat lines don’t translate into wins. Constantly bashed for taking forwards over a much needed point guard in previous drafts, the Hawks decided to continue the trend by drafting Al Horford third overall this spring. Lucky for Hawks fans, they also had the 11th pick and drafted Acie Law. I like him a lot. He’s a headstrong guy like Chauncey Billups, and needs to be given the keys to the jeep ASAP. I’m sorry, but I don’t see the need in giving Speedy Claxton or Tyronn Lue another chance. Law is a four year college veteran who led Texas A&M out of obscurity, and is the type of rookie willing for the challenge. Nonetheless, the Hawks still probably aren’t ready to make the leap. There problem is that they have a lot of talented forwards, and it isn’t certain who are the starters and who are the reserves yet, from a group that consists of Josh Smith (the most secure due to his breakout), Marvin Williams, Josh Childress, Shelden Williams and now Horford. That compiled wit Law’s growing pains will be enough to keep the Hawks out of the playoffs for at least this season.

There are three things you can count on in life. Death, taxes and Shaquille O’Neal providing hilarious material for any NBA column I write. This time around, it’s Shaq’s curious new preseason regiment. This past summer, Shaq practiced mixed martial arts everyday, according to Sports Illustrated. “UFC-style wrestling: fighting, punching in the face, choke holds,” Shaq told the mag. “I’m a big fan of the sport.” So that means, Shaq is more liable of getting fouled and putting Andrew Bogut in a rear-naked choke this season, than he is of salvaging whatever he has left of his lump of a body for another semi-productive season. I am speechless, yet I honestly can’t enough. Shaq’s twilight campaign in the NBA is reminiscent of the late Elvis years. They still had their glory (the Hawaii Concert, the Heat title) and they both ended up becoming fake cops. Unfortunately, Shaq is not Miami’s biggest concern. Dwayne Wade is nursing knee and shoulder injuries, and will miss at least the first month. When he gets back, and I have a feeling it may take longer, Wade will have to honestly contemplate changing his reckless style of play, which has now caught up to him. The problem is he is not a good long range shooter, and his game really relies on his aggressive drives to the basket. This could spell doom for Wade and the Heat, at least this season. The team is very weak beyond its no longer dynamic duo, and even traded for Ricky Davis to provide what should be some much needed scoring. All of this doesn’t bode very well, and because of it, mark my words…the Miami Heat will not make the playoffs. There’s my bold prediction for the preview. Mark my words!

Prediction: Yes, I wasn’t joking when I said the Heat will not make the playoffs. Shaq is pretty much done, and Wade is going to struggle all season I feel. And yes, I do believe the young Bobcats will snatch up their spot. As for tops in this division, the Wizards will probably win due to their high scoring attack, and the fact that Orlando clearly wont be able to keep up with them in that regard. Howard is a defensive beast, but the Wizards are a perimeter team. Nonetheless, I think this division is the weakest as far as world championship contenders are considered. If the Atlantic was last year’s Titanic, the ship has sunk down to the Southeast Division for the 2007 season.

What goes up…Must come crashing down

2007-10-04T01:17:00.000-05:00

I woke up Sunday morning, a little bit after noonish, with what can only be described as a forgiving hangover, and the first thing that popped in my mind was...shit, I gotta update my fantasy squads. Looking back, my biggest regret of the day was not starting Plaxico Burress, (he's becoming a game-time decision annoyance) who ended up playing and scoring a tah-dow. Nonetheless, the benching didn't have any effect on the overall outcome of that match-up. I would have lost either way.

In other news, the Mets lost Sunday afternoon, 8-1, to the Florida Marlins and as a result, didn't make the playoffs. I was hurrying out of my apartment just around when Tom Glavine was warming up, and felt an uneasy degree of confidence that he would start the game on a good foot. Instead, he started the game on the worst foot possible. Imagine a foot with gangrene like in that anti-cigarette commercial, with athletes’ foot and boils, and the stench of death. That was Tom Glavine on Sunday.

After that horrific inning - when the Mets failed time and time again to rally (after Castro's shot fell short, it literally felt over) and the Phillies fastened their clasp of the division by laying it on the Nationals, the team that really took us out of post-season contention - me and my friends switched over to football. The topic of conversation for the day switched mostly to fantasy talk, as it quickly became apparent among us, the Mets collapse wasn't worth our time or empathy.

I'm still a die-hard Mets fan. The truth is, this Mets team didn't lose in heartbreaking fashion, despite all those crying faces in Shea on Sunday. If you really follow and love this team, the month of September should have frustrated the hell out of you, to the point that you didn't want to care anymore. Call me quitter, but last time I checked, I have no team to watch today or tomorrow on TBS. I think they quit first. When next year rolls around, the resentment I feel for the 2007 Mets will surely be a distant memory, well, distant enough.

Now there are plenty of question-marks as to what caused the "worst collapse in baseball history," - a term I've read in every baseball related article this week - but rather than trying to sort it out in paragraphs, I've decided to run down as many relevant Mets as possible, management and roster, to determine what their fate should be for the 2007 season (although Minaya has already decided one of those). I'm not going to speculate on who the Mets should bring in, management or roster, because it's too early for that. Let’s hold on that talk until the Winter Meetings. Until then, here is my “initial instinct” version of should they stay...or should they go…now.

Omar Minaya: Stay. But someone has definitely got their work cut out for them. Priority numero uno senor...shore up this bullpen. Look, I am the first to admit that relievers are often unpredictable, and sometimes, general managers just get lucky. Last year, however, Omar simply didn't make logical decisions in this department. I don't know the exact financial ramifications of keeping Darren Oliver and Chad Bradford, but something tells me it wouldn't have broken the bank. And signing a reliever with a career ERA close to five is just plain irrational. Scott Schoeneweis should never have sniffed a Mets uniform. This winter, Minaya needs to sign three guys with either upside, blazing speed, or proven track records (hey, why not one of each). They are always out there, he just needs to bully the market, and prove he is the great, persuasive GM we thought him once to be. Getting an ace or two will require trading players, and to make an appealing package, Minaya must loosen his grip on players whose names don't end in Wright or Reyes. And no, I am not leaving anyone out.

Willie Randolph: My opinion here is moot. Minaya has announced that Willie is coming back, and hopefully the pulse of the nation can now breathe easy. Seriously, what was with some baseball analysts who thought it was crude for Minaya to wait two days on Willie's fate? That isn't a long amount of time by any margin, and who is to say he should make the decision quickly anyway? Why should he rush on a decision so important, as in who is managing the team six months from now? In my opinion, Willie is not a capable in-game manager, proven several times this year if you actually watched Mets games. That means you Michael Kay, whose best defense of Willie is what a nice person he is. Wow, he's a nice guy? I am fucking sold. For a second there I thought his capability of managing a baseball team was important. I also think managing a baseball team is highly overrated, and Willie only needs to improve an a few key things to make him look smart next year. We can only hope he possesses the humility to learn from his mistakes.

Rick Peterson: Go. Pains me, really does, because I once viewed this guy as some sort of pitching genius…who just so happens to look like a lost Beach Boys member. But it’s hard to not equate the Mets downfall - almost solely caused by pitching - with the pitching coach himself. My guess is he got a little too comfortable, and when his prized pupil Sosa got demoted to the bullpen, things started to unravel. The Mets thought they had their fifth starter resolved kudos to Peterson, but apparently that wasn't the case. It didn't look good for him, and soon after, the foundation of his pitching staff collapsed from within. I don't know if Peterson is to blame for bullpen management, but he obviously did not have a remedy, or even a last resort solution for taking the slump of guys he had and at the very least, making them respectable. Then again, Peterson works his magic with a philosophy of pitch counts, so when your starters cant go the distance and your relievers innings go up, that theory will inflate worse than...inflation. Basically Peterson is not the guy you want when the going gets rough. He's more of a laid back guy who likes to think about the good vibrations, perhaps…head citations.

Howard Johnson: Stay. The Mets hit better with him at the helm. Especially Wright, who appears to have emulated Hojo's knack for hitting and running the bases will perfection. Was Johnson's impact evident in a guy like Jose Reyes though? I could only hope not. Makes me think that baseball should break down its batting coaches into categories, kind of like how the NFL has linebacker and defensive back coordinators, etc. The Mets could have a top of the order coach (1-2), heart of the order coach (3-5), and bottom of the order coach (6-8). A novel idea right? Nonetheless, we need someone to save our leadoff hitter from his power complex (not to mention lack of hustle. Reyes? really?) and right now, Hojo is that guy. Hopefully a full off-season will help the issue.

And now...the 2007 New York Mets! "Your time...to take hold of first place for 95 percent of the season, give fans the impression that you are still a world series contender, only to crash and burn by blowing the most prolific lead in September baseball history and giggle about it in the process...is now!"

Carlos Delgado: Go. Lets face it, this is the deepest position in major league baseball, and while Delgado's final power numbers were respectable (24 HR, 87 RBI), his percentages (.333 OBP, .448 slug.) told the real tale of his season. Delgado has not his consistently for his first two years now as a Met, as his bat speed and inability to hit out of the shift has made him hard to watch, through those long unproductive stretches. And the truth is, there is no reason to believe these problems will improve, they will most likely get worse. He’s a great guy, he’s just going to have to win Humanitarian award elsewhere. As for his replacement, the Mets should see if Carlos Pena is expendable. I honestly feel like they still owe us for Kazmir.

Luis Castillo: Stay. When I think about it, there isn’t a whole lot better the Mets can do next year at second base than a healthy Castillo. He does have a bulky knee, but when you compare his injury problems to other Mets, the severity is not quite as serious. I feel he will benefit from an off-season to get healthy, and then a full spring with the team, when he and Reyes will figure out whether or not they can become the 1-2 punch we desperately needed in September. If anything, Castillo held up to his part of the bargain a lot better than our shortstop. Castillo needs to add a little drive to his swing, because his inability to hit for extra bases as a Met is detrimental towards our team speed. We need to show our ability to score out of scoring position. Viable replacements include Tad Iguchi and Marcus Giles, the latter hitting something like .190 this year. I rather just spend our money elsewhere and keep Castillo.

Jose Reyes: Stay. Surprisingly, a number of other fans are suddenly having a different opinion. I wonder why. If you’re a Mets fan frustrated with how awful Jose played down the stretch, sure your saying trade him now, but I would love to see how you’d feel if such a move actually happened. It would be a little unsettling, and later regrettable, trust me. Reyes still finished the season batting .280, which while low, still proves how great he can be if focused. He was hitting well over .300 when he was zoned in, early in the season. It’s not unthinkable to believe he can have a great full season, because he did it one year ago. The problem is, everyone thought he needed to improve ten fold, with 25-30 homers, and close to 100 RBI. Reyes is an amazing lead-off guy, but he is not a power hitter, even a better-than-average one, and shouldn’t be encouraged to become one. I bet he saw Rollins and Hanley smacking them out of the park, looked at his paltry half-season total, and decided it was time to play catch-up. That would explain his penchant for pop-ups after the All-star break. He needs to understand that his primary goal in the offense it to get on base and score runs. When RBI opportunities come up, his approach should change, according to the status of the game. Ideally, Reyes should lead the majors in runs scored, stolen bases, and be up their in hits. That’s all I want out of him. He could hit single digit jacks, I could honestly care less.

David Wright: Stay. I’m not going to waste my keypads on this one (and several other guys who don’t errant debate for whatever reason), only to say that Wright is now clearly our best all-around player, and the leader of this team. He played with heart all year-long, and his solid production in every aspect of the game has pinned him as the guy to lead this bunch into glory. Problem is, in his first year as the supposed leader, the team had the, ahem, “worst collapse in MLB history.” Not the type of leader debut you’d like to make. I liken it to Gary Cherone’s debut with Van Halen, and the aptly titled album Van Halen III. Come to think of it, it’s nothing like that.

Moises Alou: Go. Unless he accepts a role off the bench, where it is established that three outfielders are ahead of him on the depth chart. Obviously, he has proven to be a ferocious contact hitter with decent pop when he’s healthy, but I don’t need to state the obvious to baseball fans – those instances have been few and far between in the past few years. We can’t roll the dice that Alou is going to have a bounce back season health-wise. I don’t like uncertainty in the outfield, it has plagued the Mets enough in the past, and we have plenty of young guys who deserve, or semi-deserve an opportunity to start. So unless Alou accepts a bench role, which would be nice, we can’t commit to him as a starter. The Mets really need to start investing in guys who play the majority of the season’s games, as blatant as that sounds.

Carlos Beltran: Stay. Beltran is the most intriguing player I will evaluate, and here is why. He obviously isn’t going anywhere via free agency, we have him locked up for four more years. So that means, do you trade the Mets biggest free agent signing ever, after two straight productive seasons. I honestly think no. There still seems to be a good amount of Beltran haters out there, and I feel many of these people are frustrated that his numbers are only comparable to guys in the league. Granted, his numbers are comparable to some really good players. Mets fans need to realize that Beltran isn’t A-Rod, never was, and never will be. He had one ridiculously hot October with Houston, and it’s as if people are waiting for him to compile that production through the course of one year. It’s not going to happen, especially not in Shea. What he is, is a consistent 30-100-100 plus guy with decent yet declining speed, and amazing range in centerfield. I’m sorry, but I’m not about to get rid of this guy for a package of prospects, if such a deal did arise. However, while I do like Beltran, I’m not in love with him. He isn’t a player I would hate to see go…if it meant improving the team overall. So, let’s say these Johan Santana for Beltran trade rumors becomes a reality. If we could pull something like that and then sign one of the two top centerfielders available, Torii Hunter or Andruw Jones, well, then…

Shawn Green: Go. Going to make this brief. While I would love to keep our only true chosen player on the team, the same applies to Green that applies to Alou. I don’t want him to start, obviously for different reasons than Alou, plus I feel his replacement is already on the team. Green doesn’t have the feel of a bench player, probably because his defense doesn’t make him an ideal double switch guy. I don’t know, for some reason Shawn Green on the 2008 Mets doesn’t sound like we had a productive off-season.

Paul LoDuca: Go. I really like the idea of getting power out of a position not usually associated with power, which translates into – Ramon Castro should start next year (we’ll get to him later). Obviously, this means LoDuca has to go, and it’s kind of a shame. LoDuca had a really inspirational first year for the Mets, when it seemed like he was our most reliable guy for a base hit. Not a homer, but just a little single, a base knock if you must. Now after a solid year at no. 2, he moved down the lineup for a number of lineup experimentations that never worked, and LoDuca never got a chance to return to the role he thrived in last year. This is one of Randolph’s most under-looked blunders, as I think it caused LoDuca to become one the team’s most disgruntled players. I also think he got a bad wrap, but it’s too late now. He’s become expendable in the business world of baseball.

Ruben Gotay: Stay. I like Gotay’s future on the team, and he’s currently a solid backup for Castillo at second. We had a log-jam of second basemen at the beginning of the year, yet Gotay still got the most out of his at-bats. When Castillo came along, his at-bats went down and so did his productivity it seemed. Still I like him a lot, and his defense isn’t as bad as people plague it to be. One note for Ruben, or should I say Hojo - scratch off switch-hitter from his resume. This guy is a lefty bat, and should focus on that side of the plate.

Marlon Anderson: Stay. Best pinch hitter in the game, plain and simple. No reason to expand that role and especially, no reason to get rid of him.

Jose Valentin/Damien Easley: Yeah I’ve combined two players (I’ll admit, I’m getting a little tired, but I have good reason). Honestly, flip a coin and pick one of these guys. I don’t think the Mets really need either, since I have Castillo and Gotay ranked ahead at second, but they are both solid veteran bats, and it’s always nice to have one of those guys hanging around for emergency situations, or in limited roles. I suppose Easley has the slight edge because he can play the outfield. However, I also like Valentin’s underrated defense. Uh, like I said – flip a coin.

Anderson Hernandez: Go. The guy is just a worthless bat, who is never needed off the bench. He’s backing up a guy who plays almost all of his games, and god forbid Reyes does get hurt, do we really want Hernandez as our starting shortstop?

Endy Chavez: Stay. Gotta love the string-bean, and that weird milk drink he promotes on bus stops. However, I don’t think Endy needs to start, but he is the perfect spot starter/fourth outfielder guy, who shines when given the opportunity, whether it is those few starting games or a pinch-hit drag bunt and steal in the ninth. If he did get the chance to start I would definitely be rooting for him, just don’t see it happening.

David Newhan: Go…pray in someone else’s dugout you weirdo. This guy was never a Met in my mind.

Lastings Milledge: Stay. Remember when I said Green’s replacement was already on the team? Obviously, I was talking about Lastings. The guy still hasn’t been given a chance to start every game, so let’s hold off on our expectations of him until such a chance is given. I know a lot of people want to package him in a trade for a pitcher and consider him a big piece, but the truth is Milledge’s trade value has gone down quite a bit in one year, and the team’s misuse of him is almost as much to blame as his attitude problem. For some reason though, me and my brother just like him, maybe because of his energy, newfound potential in the field, and his swagger at the plate. I could care less if he celebrates after every homerun or go-ahead score. God forbid our players show excitement when doing well. He’s not lewd or disrespectful in how he does it, so everyone needs to cooooooooool out! In my mother’s defense, he does spit a lot. He can definitely cut down on the spitting.

Carlos Gomez: Stay. Part three of the Citi Field outfield of the future. For some reason, if all goes right in my book, Gomez, Milledge and Beltran should be our starting outfield in 2009. If they can all play to their potential, and stay healthy out there, that is a very energetic, ground-covering outfield we got. I would only worry about them running into each other often on plays. As for his bat? I haven’t been impressed yet. Going to need to see more.

Ramon Castro: Stay. I’m not going to say I’m 100 percent confident that Castro will shine in this spot, because his arm still leaves nothing to be desired, and it’s uncertain how he will hold up during a full season of crouching. At the same time, I am still willing to give him a chance to become the Victor Martinez of the National League. I see a strong potential for 25-30 homeruns, which would be a solid power surge for the Mets that doesn’t require the signing of a new check. However, we need a reliable backup, one who preferably can call a good game, and maybe, for once on the Mets – throw runners out.

Mike DeFilice: Stay. Honestly, he’s not a bad third string catcher to resurrect from the minors if needed, but only that. Plus he’s got some spunk. Did you see him during the brawl? He was the rowdiest Met of all, and rightfully so, since a Defilice suspension wouldn’t exactly effect our postseason hopes (especially now obviously). Seriously, he looked like Michael Chiklis all going after a perp on a heated episode of “The Shield.”

Sandy Alomar: Go. The same cannot be said for this old fart. Did you ever see Old Yeller?

Tom Glavine: Go. I’d really hate to summarize a player’s career with one infamous start, but sorry Tommy, you’re that guy. You blew it for us in the biggest spot possible, and while it was the bullpen that really caused our downfall, you were the final nail in the coffin. You did give us some memorable performances, post-season included, but that all seems irrelevant now. If anything, his start is a wake-up call that we need younger pitching, and immediately, before our rotation needs to sign up for Mensa, or whatever it’s called.

Pedro Martinez: Stay. Uggh, I suppose. It’s hard to say goodbye to Pedro, and I probably would have had to if it wasn’t for his strong starts at the end of the year. But like his fellow senior citizens, If Pedro is back, he must be viewed at as a low-end player. That means the fifth starter on our team, and only that. If we go into the season with him at the top of our rotation, we are fooling ourselves.

Oliver Perez, John Maine: Stay. Another mash-up son! You cannot blame either of these guys for our downfall, even at their worst, because they did enough to get us into the playoffs. With starting pitchers, final numbers simply do not lie, and for Maine (15-10 3.9 era) and Perez (15-10 3.5 era) they had the lines that any team would accept to their rotation. The problem is, neither of them is an ace. And while I may sound greedy, neither of them make for a strong number 2. I would love for the Mets to be in the position where we can have these guys as our third and fourth starters, it would mean we have the best rotation in baseball, perhaps. Unfortunately, it’s unlikely we will get two guys to make such a bump possible. With one proven ace, and then another low-end rotation guy, who preferably can pitch deep into games, I am confident enough that either Maine or Perez can step into the spot and be our second best pitcher. Maine has proven to be more solid, but I still think Perez has the better stuff. Regardless, both of these guys should be back.

Jorge Sosa: Stay. The truth is, while it was a downer to see him leave the rotation, he became a solid middle reliever, for a month or so. I don't know, I associate Sosa with the Mets downfall, but don't blame him. It's an odd cause and effect. I just think he foreshadowed the impending doom of the Mets pitching, how the starters never carried them, and how the bullpen never saved them. Nonetheless, I don't see any reason in getting rid of a guy who showed promise in both pitching roles.

Brian Lawrence: Go. Shouldn’t exist as far as I’m concerned.

Mike Pelfrey, Phillip Humber: Go. Here is where I may lose some of you, unless of course, I already have. I honestly don’t know what is to be with either of these guys. Could they potentially become productive starters? I suppose. Are they in the same breath of guys like Lincecum and Hughes? No. Pelfrey honestly worries me more. He was inserted into the lineup this year at a time when the Mets were relatively cruising, in good shape atop the division, and he totally shit the bed. Towards the end of the year, he showed positive signs, but was inconsistent. As for Humber, his one major league start was awful, but it may not be enough to judge. I’m not too sure how much value these guys hold on their own, but together? Who knows, maybe someone out there is karmic enough to think that one mans gold is always the Mets garbage. If we somehow package these guys for an ace, whoever he is, I have to believe it’s worth it.

Billy Wagner: Stay. A tough one, but come on. The guy is still a dominant closer, who was overworked at the end of the year. I don’t know why Randolph brought him in for so many non-save situations, but I don’t know the reasons for a lot of what Willie did this year (wow, by going over every player on the team, I keep running into Willie problems. Then again, he’s such a nice guy). I do think that Wagner is shaky at times, and it does tend to happen in big spots. But he isn’t as prolific a choke artist as people have him pegged out to be. He doesn’t have that much playoff experience. People forget he was already in Philly when the Astros made it to the World Series. That year, it was Brad Lidge who blew it for them. Anyway, I feel like I may regret this one, but for now, the hick stays.

Pedro Feliciano: Stay. Another solid year for our “true” lefty specialist. I know he had some bad outings towards the end, but that’s when the Mets entire bullpen was in a free-fall. I’m convinced we had two really bad relievers (I’ll get to them in a minute), who infected the rest of the staff like a virus.

Scott Schoeneweis: Go! I needed some exclamation for that one. This was clearly Minaya’s worst signing, and even worse, we were stuck with him all year. Seriously, why can’t bad players get injured? Aside from that, I don’t understand why a team must keep such detrimental players, especially relievers, on a team just because we paid them money. This is how I see it. You’re paying this guy millions to help your team. If his pitching is negatively affecting your team, doesn’t it make sense to ship him to the minors so he has no chance of doing anymore detriment? Wouldn’t that be the best way to vindicate the signing? Get the most bang for your buck? And this just in…Schoeneweis allegedly took the juice. He even sucks when cheating. What a miserable loser.

Dave Williams: Stay. The guy still needs a chance in my book. In his limited work last year, he was as average as they come. I say, with the current state of the Mets pitching staff…let’s go average! I welcome his mediocrity!

Willie Collazo: Stay. Don’t know enough about this guy. I’ll be honest…I’m not sure who is who between him and Carlos Muniz. I know one pitched against the Nationals and got rocked, so I currently dislike both, but don’t know enough to assess either.

Carlos Muniz: See Collazo, Willie.

Aaron Sele: Go. Die.

Guillermo Mota: Go. Die Harder. The day I don’t see Willie go to Mota from the pen will be a happy one.

Joe Smith: Stay. OK, at first it looked like we had a younger Chad Bradford, and it was relieving, remember? Wasn’t it? Turns out, we were wrong, because Smith became very hittable, and now there is doubt if he is even ready for consistent work in the majors. Suffice to say, it’s a lot of pressure for a guy we plucked from the Single A Cyclones, so I’m not ready to give up on him just yet, and I still think his future is bright. He deserves another year in the bigs, if his spring is steady.

And finally…

Orlando Hernandez: I went and saved the best for last. Well, Wright is the best, but he wasn’t worth debate. As for El Duque, we really owe it to him. Meaning, if he wants to come back, we owe it to him to let him come back. Will he be effective again? Who knows. The twilight brilliance El Duque showed is similar to Glavine last year. It came after it looked like he was only on the decline, and was so magnificent it felt like it needed to be preserved in a bottle. It’s very possible that El Duque, who can be 50 years old for all we know, has nothing left in the tank. And it would be a shame. Call me strange, but I associate the most of my Mets grief this year with him, and none of it is his fault. Forget the fact that the Mets didn’t give him nearly enough run support, the most tragic El Duque memory I have is when the Mets were forced to bring him in from the bullpen in the final games of the season. There was something about that move that felt so desperate and out of place, even though I said he would have been a great reliever in the playoffs. Unfortunately, we’ll never know the answer to that.

It’s the Return of the Gangsta…

2007-09-13T17:52:00.000-05:00

(Like Rick James once said – Laziness is a hell of a thing. Actually, he said cocaine is a hell of a drug, but he’s dead now. Laziness could range from lacking the physical motivation to go to the gym, or the mental motivation to write a blog. In my case, I suffer in both cases. Any who, with much anticipated hope, the Sports Jew is back for a weekly column on the National Football League that I like to call the Thursday Afternoon Jew, or TAJ. Let’s get this party started.)

Week 1 in Review

OK, let’s get things started specifically with…

THE OFFICIAL SPORTS JEW PETITION TO “REVERSE THE RESULT” AND MAKE THE JETS 1-0

So watching Sportscenter yesterday – after a filling Rosh Hashana dinner, followed by the fam circling around the tube to watch Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes On Demand, an Israeli family holiday tradition – I saw that ESPN had a poll asking America how the Pats should be penalized for what is now being referred to as “CameraGate.” Anchor Steve Levy, who I heard is a real jakeass in person, was shocked to discover that a majority of people thought the game should be forfeited, which I assume means the result would be reversed. Pats become 0-1. the Jets become 1-0.

Levy utters the result with a shocked befuddlement that suggests common fans don’t know what they are talking about. Excuse me, but what is so unclear here? The team cheated in such a blatant and “against the rules way” that anything less than a measure that would specifically affect the outcome of that game would be insane. I’m hearing all these analysts like Sean Sallisbury say that this whole thing is not that serious and that docking a few draft picks or suspending Beli-cheat for a game is more than enough punishment. I also heard from a friend at work who used to intern at ESPN that Sallisbury likes to show a picture of his weiner on his cellphone to females production assistants at the studio, so his opinion holds little weigh with me at the moment.

Even good old Mike Golic said that while the timing of the cheating is bad, and while cheating in general no matter the severity or impact should not be tolerated, agreed that it didn’t really have a major impact on the outcome of the game. Now I’m not sure exactly how this voyeur’s tape of stolen defensive signals was able to help the Pats score 38 points on the Jets, but until someone proves to me with hard evidence that it definitely did not, then I don’t see how the NFL and Roger Goodell can give Beli-cheat and co. the benefit of the doubt.

Do I think the Jets would have won the game if everything was fair and square? Probably not, but that’s not the issue. Sure Tom Brady had enough time standing in the pocket to impregnate Bridgett Moynahan again…twice, and that probably isn’t even a result of the signal calling. The bottom line here is this- the Pats got caught cheating red-handed, in a way that could definitely sway the result of a game. Docking draft picks, or forcing Beli-bum to sit a game isn’t going to stop the problem. In my line of work, dealing with cops, local leaders and such, I hear the word deterrent a lot when applying to laws. You need to create a law that will deter criminals from commiting illegal acts, like harsher drunk driving penalties. You know what would deter an NFL coach from taping signals?...taking their “hard earned” win away. It’s a fucking no-brainer. I’m sick of talking about this. I don’t see what’s so hard to comprehend.

Moving on with a new segment I like to call Jew-rotic rants of the week. (Jew-rotic is play on words of neurotic. In no way are these rants sexually erotic in anyway.)

I compare Cedric Benson’s performance against the Chargers on Sunday to Britney Spears performance at the VMA’s later that night. Slow, sluggish and possibly coked-up. I have the Chicago running back in two fantasy leagues, and I was really unimpressed with his running style. The guy has no breakaway speed, and I don’t see that as something he can improve. He’s going to need to get his yards with baby-steps, and this means breaking through the line of scrimmage, not collapsing into it. Hopefully things will pan out this week with an easier opponent in the Chiefs, but if Benson turns out to be a bust, the Bears will have the shakiest, ineffective quarterback/running back combo in the league. A playoff berth may not be a given this year, especially when you consider….

The Minnesota Vikings. I didn’t get to watch this game, but I have to say I was thoroughly impressed with the 29 fantasy points the team’s defense got me. You win in football by being strong on both sides of the line. We know Minnesota absolutely squashes the run, but their much improved O-line didn’t really show the goods last year, as Chester Taylor had a pretty pedestrian season considering the expectations. It’s early, but the problem seems to be solved with Adrian Peterson. The guy got over 100 rushing yards on turf in his NFL debut, and added a 60 yard touchdown via a screen pass for good measure. So their receiving is weak. It’s looking like the only weakness they got right about now.

The Giants are cursed, I’m afraid. This team can’t escape injury, and it’s not as if they don’t have it coming to them. Brandon Jacobs is not going to be an every-down back from the looks of Sunday night. The guy can’t run laterally, which caused him to get his foot caught up and resulted in a sprained MCL. Let’s see if he can adjust, whenever he gets back. Eli Manning got roughed up like a rag doll, and busted up his shoulder. He looked really strong, but the injury is going to be a setback now, and his status is puzzling. The Giants have been lying all week about his availability, while doctors were reporting he could miss a month. As for Osi, it’s funny to think the Giants refused to add him as a throw-in in the Eli trade, and instead gave up a pick that eventually became Shawn Merriman. It’s looking like it’s going to be a long football season in New York.

Finally, I was expecting a shootout in Monday Night Football’s double-header finale, and thinking back, I’m not exactly sure why. Right now, Matt Leinart and Alex Smith are not good at throwing footballs. Leinart has these two uber-wideouts at his disposal, and he managed a pitiful 102 yards passing. I like San Francisco’s Nate Clements pick-up, but not that much. As for Smith, the guy thinks he’s Michael Vick in his pre-dog electrocuting days. I was getting nauseous from his 15-step dropbacks, where he would run backwards after every snap instead of taking a normal three-step drop. He looked like a crappy player in Madden who has no idea what he’s doing. Someone should tell him that if you want to be a mobile quarterback, you got to run the other way, you know, where the end zone is. So happy I didn’t wait it out for these guys in my fantasy draft.

And on a rare serious note…

I also listened to Michael Wilbon on ESPN radio yesterday talk about a college player he covered in the 1980’s who suffered a paralyzing blow similar to Kevin Everett. In that situation, it was an unfixable tragedy from the onset, where doctors said he was paralyzed and the family couldn’t do anything about. When I first heard of Everett’s change in prognosis, I thought, do these doctors even know what they’re talking about? This proved to be a very ignorant comment. The fact that this guy - who was paralyzed from neck-down in critical condition for the first two days after his injury - can possibly now walk again is a sign of where medical technology has come. Guys in his shoes used to have no chance to walk again, he has hope. I’m not going to jump the gun, because his doctor is still viewing the chance “with cautious optimism,” but at least he has that. A chance.

Here’s a Jets preview for Week 2, and the picks for the rest…

The New York Jets at Baltimore Ravens (at, gulp, -10)

Hmm, the Jets are big dogs against a team that just had an unimpressive loss at Cincinnati. They lost by a score, but had six turnovers, and couldn’t really get anything going offensively. Willis McGahee rushed for only 77 in his debut, and Steve McNair looked sloppy before he went down in the second half. Both team’s quarterbacks are questionable this week, as the Jets remain tight lip about Chad Pennington’s status. I don’t know why both New York team’s are being so shady about their quarterbacks availability this week, I don’t think us fans have much faith in either of these team’s regardless.

Any who, while Ray Lewis is also a question mark after tearing one of his triceps last week, ouch, I still think the Ravens deserve close to that 10 point spread. They were lights out at home last year, 7-1, and still have a bunch of weapons on defense to torture the Jets shaky looking offense. Let’s remember, aside from two effortless looking touchdowns to Coles, the team wasn’t exactly moving the chains on Sunday. On top of that, McGahee kills the Jets for some reason, and all the signs point to him doing it again on Sunday.

By the way, I’m not giving up on the Jets, who overachieved so much last year, only to say that they have a much tougher schedule this season coupled with actual expectations. It’s going to be tough, considering they are playing in a division with blatant cheaters, but I’ll gain a little more faith when we play a weaker team to get our confidence up. Like Miami in week 3. I’ll take the Ravens here, but the Jets aren’t a bad bet to cover.

Rest of the picks

Pittsburgh (-9.5) over Buffalo
Cincinnati (-7) over Cleveland
Indianapolis (-7) over Tennessee
Houston (+6.5) over Carolina
St Louis (-3) over San Francisco
Green Bay (+1) over Giants
Jacksonville (-10.5) over Atlanta
New Orleans (-3.5) over Tampa Bay
Minnesota (+3) over Detroit
Dallas (-4) over Miami
Seattle (-3) over Arizona
Denver (-10) over Oakland
Chicago (-12.5) over Kansas City
San Diego (+4) over New England
Washington (+7) over Philadelphia

So…PRANOS.

2007-06-11T23:38:00.000-05:00

Fuck the arena-rock scored ending, I’m here to complain about the rest of the show.

Going into last night’s overly hyped finale of the Sopranos, the only television drama I have ever seen every episode of, I honestly did not want to see any of the following scenarios play out…

a. Tony gets whacked by the New York crew, abruptly or climactically.
b. Tony snitches to his friends in the F.B.I., relocates Henry Hill style.
c. New Jersey triumphs over New York, the remaining Sopranos crew live to tell about it.
d. Tony meets his maker within his own kin, either Carmela, A.J., Janice, etc…

Of course I left out Paulie snitching/turning, a Newhart esq. “it was all a dream” sequence, or the countless other predictions made on talk radio and fan blogs in the week leading up to the finale. When people asked me my prediction, the response was simple. “I don’t really have one, it’s almost irrelevant, I just want the show to be good.” Ever since an almost flawless first three seasons, the show has traded off good and bad years in my mind, leading up to the final slate of nine episodes that for the most part didn’t disappoint. The last episode was one of my favorite ever, albeit it had a high hit count, but more because it was perfect from beginning to end.

Last night’s episode, however, was far from it. From the moment it began, I patiently awaited a perfectly structured narrative to unravel before my eyes, hoping that David Chase could pull of a finale which didn’t adhere to any cliché prediction, but at the same time, left me thoroughly entertained and satisfied. I know a straight forward narrative is not the man’s style, but he has proven on many occasions his capability to tell a good story. A half an hour into the show, my patience and faith in the finale seriously began to dwindle. When the clock reached 8:50, I knew there was very little chance that the episode’s ending, no matter what it was, could save what I felt about the entire finale.

And then…the ending that everybody just can’t stop talking about. The uneasy tension of Tony waiting for his family at a dingy diner, a place which prior to this episode, we never thought the Soprano clan would be caught dead in (and after the black screen, maybe they were). A majority of fans were left frustrated that Chase left everything up to interpretation, and a few even insulted that he tried to trick them into thinking their cable went out. His decision not to use any exit music was as if he wanted dead silence to resonate in every living room across the country. Me, I wasn’t at all shocked. It was a typical of a guy who probably secretly hates a majority of the lowbrow mafia movie fans who have come to embrace his show just for the…whacking.

But my beef wasn’t really with those final four minutes, as the title of this column states. To me, most people who view television and film make too big of a deal over how the show or movie ends. It’s almost as if an entire film can suck, and as long as the ending is amazing, none of that matters anymore. I really don’t understand that logic one bit. Nor would I deduct points from a really good Sopranos episode if the ending left something to the imagination. But this was perhaps, in all honestly, one of the dullest, poorly written, directed and in one character’s case, acted episodes of the show’s entire run. And that is what people should really be complaining about, the first fifty minutes, not the final four.

Where do I begin? Well first off, the episode obviously threw narrative out of the window, by stringing together what felt like 50 one-minute scenes, which when viewed on their own, feel rushed and underdeveloped. Whether it was Paulie complaining about a curious cat or Meadow having another (and repetitive) convo with Tony about social inequalities, I really wish they could have done something fresher that actually had a cause and effect. It’s one thing for Chase to make sure not every storyline is wrapped with a bow on it, it’s another to make sure none are resolved.

If I had to boil it down to one thing that really angered me about the episode, and honestly, the Sopranos in general, is the amount of attention that was placed on A.J., Tony’s always troubled son. More like inconsistent. In my view, this character was the most poorly developed in the show’s whole cast, and he happens to play the patriarch’s only son. It’s not because I dislike his character. I can’t stand Janice, but yearn for her scenes sometimes. A.J. is just a horribly inconsistent, overly obnoxious, befuddled character, and what makes it even worse is how awful an actor Robert Iller is. None of his rambling rants, when he attempts to justify his means, ever sound slightly believable, almost as if Chase’s signature dialogue is too hard for him to express. I guess when you hire an actor at age 10; it’s hard to predict if he’s got the chops to carry such a complex character past his adolescence.

There were few things I liked. The only scene I really enjoyed was when Tony visited Uncle Junior, who has become such a shell of him former self, his only response to being informed that he used to North Jersey was, “that sounds nice.” Other than that really, the first 50 minutes of Sopranos, the bulk of my favorite drama’s final episode, was one of its worst. As for the ending, I wasn’t crazy about it. But if the content of what led into it was all the more better, who knows, maybe I could deal with the fact that Chase decided to end Sopranos on these two final notes.

a. Meadow can’t parallel park
b. The Sopranos eat their onion rings whole

Wow, that list is a lot different from what everyone else predicted. Mission accomplished…I guess.

And as for those who praise the ending for its build-up and originality…it’s called suspense people. Alfred Hitchcock and countless horror directors have been doing it for years, and were able to make my heart pump a lot faster than that ending ever could.

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE:

2007-03-22T22:42:00.000-05:00

Yikes, I am really procrastinating on these division previews. At this pace, I will have the 2007 NL West Preview just in time for the All-Star Break. That’s a problem. So my mission, if I am willing to accept it, is to get these five remaining previews done in the next two weeks, before the Mets open the season against the Cardinals on April 1. I still can’t believe those losers won the World Series. I don’t think I’ve even seen the highlight reel of them clinching the damn thing. Hands down the most pathetic excuse for a world champion since David Arquette won the WCW Championship belt. On we go to the AL Central…

Detroit Tigers: Last year’s surprise team shouldn’t be taken lightly this season, meaning I don’t think a performance drop-off is in the cards. What drove the Tigers last season, their solid starting pitching, has remained completely intact for 2007. Their rotation is led by two young arms in Jeremy Bonderman, considered their fantasy stud/ace, and last year’s Rookie of the Year Justin Verlander. Nate Robertson (not Nate Robinson) is a very solid number four starter. And while he’s either guilty of defacing baseballs or wiping his ass with his hand, “George Clooney impersonator extraordinaire” Kenny Rogers should add another 15 win season in the twilight of his career. The guy was able to shed the stigma of beating up a cameraman last off-season, so how hard could it be to make people forget you cheated in the World Series?

A big misconception with the Tigers is that they have an average lineup, when in fact their offense last year was one of the league’s best. The team finished eighth in runs, sixth in homers and tenth in batting average. The thing is they spread the production throughout the order, and they don’t have that one big power bat as their automatic All-Star. Now while he’s getting up there in age (screw it, he’s already there), Gary Sheffield could be that guy if he stays healthy this season. He’s going to be nestled in the lineup with their second and third best hitters, Magglio Ordonez and Carlos Guillen, which is a pretty respectable heart of the order. Another reason I like Sheffield is the influence he can have on the team’s core of younger African American players, Granderson, Munroe and Thames. It is rare for a team in baseball to have four black players in the lineup this day and age, and while Sheffield has been labeled as someone who is hard to deal with, I think he is just misunderstood.

Speaking of Thames, it should only be a matter of time before this guy replaces Sean Casey at first base, or is inserted somewhere else where he can be an everyday guy. He is currently the team’s 10th man on offense, and he’s just too powerful a hitter for that to continue. Last season Thames had 26 homers in fewer than 400 at-bats, which means he’s due for at least 35 if he gets a full season in. On top of that, look for Joel Zumaya to finally take over the closer role from Todd Jones. Sure he was stupid enough to get injured while playing Guitar Hero, but he also throws in the triple digits, and is the league’s premier right handed reliever. I have total faith in Jim Leyland to make the right decision in both cases. Basically, I like this team a lot in 2007, and have them right behind the Yanks as favorites in the American League.

Minnesota Twins: The Twins second half surge to the playoffs last season (11 games back at the All-Star break to division champs) has to be one of the more underrated runs in league history, but there’s good reason for that. First off, their breakthrough starter Francisco Liriano, a guy who was labeled injury prone his entire minor league career, only two emerge as “Santana the Second” after joining the rotation last season…got injured. He had Tommy Jon surgery in November and is expected to miss the whole season. Without him in the playoffs, The Twins got swept by the Athletics, and just like that, their late season comeback didn’t seem as impressive.

Despite the disappointing end, there were a lot of things to be happy about if you were a Twins fan in 2006. First off, your ace pitcher had another dominating season, posting 19 wins, a 2.77 ERA and 245 strikeouts to win the Cy Young award. It’s not even a fantasy attribution for this guy – Johan Santana is the league’s greatest pitcher, and the drop-off after him is pretty big. Then you have your first baseman that sounds like a hockey player, Justin Morneau, come out of nowhere to win the MVP, and while many argued for Jeter, I think either guy was worthy. On top of that, your homegrown catcher, Joe Mauer, comes out of nowhere to win the batting title, becoming the first backstop to do it since…(google check) Ernie Lombardi! So a team that was dead in the water at season’s half came back to win their division, and produce the AL’s Cy Young, MVP and batting title winners. For that, there is a lot to look forward to in 2007 if you’re a Twins fan.

While the Liriano injury may sting, it may not be as detrimental to the team’s rotation as people think. When he went down last year, some bloke named Boof Bonser stepped in to emerge as the team’s second best starter, and finished the season strong (before the whole rotation, Johan included, choked in the playoffs). Now I’m not sure how much faith one should have in a guy who shares his name with Michael J. Foxx’s love interest in Teen Wolf, but all I am saying is give Boof a chance. As for the rest of the rotation, sure Brad Radke retired, but he was on the tail end. It’s looking like Ramon Ortiz and Sidney Ponson with fill out the three and four spots, so hopefully one of the Twins farm guys can emerge in the number five spot. Oh yeah, and they also have the league’s most underrated and dominant closer in Joe Nathan, to lead their steady pen. So all in all, I really like the Twins this year to compete with the Tigers, but ultimately settle for the wildcard. Let the Boof be told.

Chicago Whitesox: Not exactly the year the team was hoping for following their World Series run in 2005, as the starting rotation fell apart worse than Lindsay Lohan’s body. Mark Buehrle and John Garland got lit up last year in a majority of their starts. Jose Contreras started to show his age (85) and hit a huge a wall after a very strong first half. The same can be said for Javier Vasquez, who lets face it, has never been a top starter since leaving what was then the Expos. Probably their most consistent starter from last year, Freddy Garcia is gone, and for reasons I can’t explain, the Sox dealt away their top pitching prospect Brandon McCarthy to the Rangers.

That last move really has me scratching my head. I know they got two pitching prospects in return, but to trade a guy as highly regarded as McCarthy, who never really got a chance when he joined the team last season, just doesn’t make sense to me. I think the Sox are really panicking about their rotation, and figured a two for one deal was needed to insure their suspect starters. Call it quantity over quality I guess, but nothing can really be said about the move until the season is a good 50 games in. The thing is, despite their pitching problems the Sox did start last season on about the same pace as 2005, going 57-31 at the break. The problem is, they fell a lot harder in the second half of the season, and the competition around them grew. It’s said that pitching wins championships, so when a team wins a World Series on said pitching, and then has its rotation become exploited by two better rotations (Tigers, Twins) the following year, the championship mentality will vanish rather quickly.

I still feel there is a winning mentality on this team, but it is definitely coming from the opposite side of the roster, as the bats crushed the ball in 2006. The team hit a whopping 236 homers last year to lead the league, with the four top guys (Dye, Thome, Konerko and Crede) all hitting at least 30. Now that is an insane amount of power, but it was pretty much wasted on a team that finished third in its division. While many fantasy experts predict drop-offs for both Dye and Crede, I predict similar numbers, the question is will it be enough. The good news is Scott Podsednik has recovered quickly from his off-season hernia, and will be able to start the season on opening day. If not the team would have gone with Darin Erstad, whose career is definitely on the decline (great signing!) Still, I expect this team to hit well enough to have a respectable season. Considering I just picked two of their division-mates to make the playoffs, respectable is the best they can hope for.

Cleveland Indians: A lot of people are really high on the Indians this season for some reason, similar to how they were touted as a playoff team last year. Buster Olney, who I suppose I have to respect because he’s one of ESPN’s top baseball insiders, even picked them to win the World Series while filling in on Mike and Mike this week. Now I say people are really high on the Indians, and it makes perfect sense here, because what exactly is Buster Onley smoking? (I assume some old man weed he snatched from Peter Gammons wooden pipe). The Indians have a fine offense, which will probably only get better this year with the growth (ahem) of Grady Sizemore, and the addition of sleeper second baseman Josh Barfield. Leading the pack is the league’s most underrated slugger Travis Hafner. Sure the guy decided to stop fielding at the ripe age of, uh, 29, but he is probably the league’s premier player when it comes to the overlooked category of OPS. He’s just a monster at the plate.

But what did we just learn with the Whitesox? Hitting can only get you so far, especially in the American League. I’m not saying the tribe’s rotation is awful, but can someone tell me who their ace is? It sure isn’t C.C. Sabathia, unless you’re fine with admitting that your ace is C.C. Sabathia. Cliff Lee, who helped the Indians have the best team ERA in 2005, ballooned to a nice 4.40 last year. Even worse was the team’s bullpen, also strong in 05, which ranked at the bottom of every pitching category possible. “Well obviously I have the Indians picked to win the World Series this year…” rambles Buster Onley, while I’m forced to switch to whoever talks sports on WFAN at ten in the morning.

The team has a lot of faith in Jeremy Sowers, and while he pitched well in 14 starts last year, he still has a lot to prove. He’s still developing, as is another youngster named Adam Miller also expected to come up sometime this season. If these two guys can meet their potential, than OK, maybe the Indians have something to work with, but it’s too early to crown them as anything else but a potential 80 win team. As for their bitch-slapped bullpen of 2006, the team snatched two potential closers this season in Joe Borowski and Keith Folke. Then Keith Folke retired at the ripe age of, uh, 35 leaving last year’s surprise on the Marlins, Borowski, to carry the load. Should be a solid improvement however over the mixed bag of guys they got to replace Bob Wickman last season. Nonetheless, there are too many question marks with this team, and they’re playing in arguably the best division in baseball, maybe better than the AL East. The only thing I really like about this team is that they have an outfielder named Shin-Soo Choo, which sounds a lot like shinshi shinshi from that SNL skit with Christopher Walken. What is shinshi shinshi? I let the master explain it best.

Walken: One wintry night after eating Indian...Catherine whispered into my ear, her breath rich with faraway spices, that she desired to make love. She wanted to try shinshi shinshi. Now, I'd been begging her to try shinshi shinshi for months. She'd refused on the grounds that it was unclean. Finally, she was willing to accept her lover's body in places no one had ever trespassed. Specifically, the ear canal.

The Kansas City Royals: Ugh, Do I really need to breakdown the Royals season outlook? I don’t know why, I’m sure other teams have been worse in my lifetime (although probably not), but the Royals depress me like no other franchise in professional sports. They’re just so plain and generic, and the fact they haven’t competed since the mid eighties doesn’t help. They are coming off three straight 100 loss seasons, after making a slight attempt to be respectable in 2003, which ultimately failed. In fact, does anyone remember that? I think the Royals were leading the central for most of the first half of the season that year and almost became a feel good story. Instead, they stumbled back to awfulness.

The Royals are the type of team that will never be able to hold onto a franchise player (see Beltran, Damon and Dye) because of their small, economically challenged market. The fact that the team’s most recognizable star over the past ten years has been Mike Sweeney is a true indicator as to why the team is such a modern day baseball tragedy. For the love of god, their two biggest free agent signings in the past few seasons have been Reggie Sanders and Gil Meche.

But I should really stop dwelling on this in an attempt to say one positive thing about this team. Like the Devil Rays, the Royals low win total has equaled into high draft picks, netting them top prospects like Alex Gordon, who along with Mark Teahan and Ryan Shealy makes up a fairly decent core of young hitters. But in today’s big league environment, it’s going to be impossible for a team like the Royals to compete. If anyone wants to point to the Marlins sporadic success, another meager market team, just remember that they play in Miami not Kansas City, and that anything’s possible in the National League.

I Hate New York

2007-03-07T22:03:00.000-05:00

Why last night was about more than a missed free throw

In many ways, the 2006-07 Knicks are a lot more frustrating to watch than the 2005-06 team. What’s the optimist’s automatic response to that? Hey, we surpassed our win total from last year, and there is still a third of the season left. In my opinion, improving on last year’s record is like Britney Spears deciding to only check in and out of rehab twice this week, rather than seven. Putting things into a positive perspective often blinds us to the fact of the matter at hand – in this case, the Isiah Thomas era Knicks are just a miserable team to have to root for.

So last night, with the Knicks riding two straight victories (a streak is when you win three games in a row folks) into a showdown with the Sonics at home, they had two options on how to play the game. Option (A) win the game decisively, and create false hope in Knicks fans over a three-game streak at home against teams with a combined record of 74-109. Option (B) stick to the routine of the season, fall behind by over 20, come back to take the lead late, and ultimately lose.

Obviously, the Knicks chose option (B), as they have many times this year after stringing together a couple of wins. The turning point of this game exemplified so well what is wrong with this team. Up by one, with about a 12 second differential on the shot and game clock, Marbury brings the ball up court with the Knicks up by one. Once he stopped his progression a little past half court, I knew what was going to happen next. Marbury does it all the time in these situations. Instead of setting up a play, driving to the basket, or god forbid, advancing the ball to at least the three-point line, Marbury decided to drain the clock to about five before making his move.

Of course, when you have the ball that deep from the basket with no intent to pass, you’re left with one option; a horribly low percentage, highly contested fifty footer. It wasn’t even a shot Marbury put up as much as it was a chuck. I can only imagine what was going through Marbury’s head. My friend Grandpa said that Marbury goes into “street ball” mode in these situations, always trying to one-up the opposing team. He probably had Bobito announcing the action in his head saying, “It’s Starbury baby! Here come the pain! You can’t stop the kid from Coney!”

You all know what happened next, the Sonics drove it right to left, and Rashard Lewis got the ball for a ridiculously wide-open three, which he hit. The Knicks were now down by two with five seconds left, and that is when Isiah decided to call timeout. That pains me more than anything else. Why didn’t he call a timeout when Marbury brought the ball up with a one point lead? Does he have any faith in himself to call a successful half court play late in the game? He should have called the timeout, set up a play where Marbury could draw some contact and get to the line. Worst case scenario, if the Sonics rebound and bring it back, he could at least set up some defensive assignments to stop them from scoring.

But no, Isiah decided to keep his timeout, almost predicting that his team would screw up, and that he would need to have one. This is what separates good coaches from bad ones. The idea is to use timeouts in favorable situations, not pressure ones. Instead of calling a timeout up by one with 36 seconds left, Isiah was forced to call one down by two with four seconds left. Which situation would you rather like to be in as a head coach? It’s like the Knicks were a football team with a third and short in field goal territory (favorable situation) and a bonehead play put them at 4th and long, forcing them to punt (pressure situation). If Isiah Thomas coached one football game, at least four of his players would suffer career ending injuries by the end.

So for me, it boggles my mind why radio hosts, TV personalities or writers would waste one second on talking about the missed free throw. It was irrelevant to me (although Kenny Smith’s horrible jinx was the type of thing that Charles Barkley will surely make him pay for on TNT tomorrow).

The thing that really disgusts me, or at least bothers me the most, are all these pointless comebacks. Every time this team comes out playing like shit and falls behind by 20, they somehow manage to comeback in the second half. Now why exactly is this a problem? Because the players are having too much fun, in games that they are for the most part losing. There’s too much towel slapping on the bench, too many players bumping chests for a team that isn’t winning, and it’s all caused by these comebacks. Did anyone see Steve Francis’s weird dance last night late in the fourth? He looked like a skinny white kid from Valparaiso whose team just made the big dance.

I don’t know about everyone else, but I just want some fucking wins. I don’t care if they play like San Antonio in the height of the Tim Duncan era at this point; just win some games, beginning to end, like a respectable basketball team. If I see one more of these “20 point deficit turned comeback lost cause” games, I’m going to think I’m Phil Connors from Groundhogs Day. I’m going to have to kidnap local groundhog Malverne Mel (my newspaper owns him apparently) and drive my car off a cliff to see if it’s true. I guess the only question is…does the Sports Jew feel lucky?

MLB Season Preview: AL EAST

2007-03-04T21:16:00.000-05:00

With the baseball season just one month away, I figure a season preview is in order. I’ve decided to break it down division-by-division, team-by-team, to see which squads are at the top of the 2007 food chain. I’m going to start things off newspaper standings style, top to bottom, with the AL East.

(Note: These teams are not listed in the order I think they will finish this season, but rather on last year’s standings.)

The AL East

New York Yankees: Every off-season since 2000, the last time (gasp) the Yankees won the World Series, George Steinbrenner has made it Brian Cashman’s goal to sign the biggest free agent available. From Giambi, to Mussina, to A-Rod (not a free agent, but a huge catch), to Sheffield, to Matsui, to Pavano, to Johnson, to Damon…the list is endless. Actually, it’s not endless. It’s pretty much made up of those guys I just mentioned. The point is, all these acquisitions amounted into absolutely nothing, as far as world championships are concerned. The Yankees have transformed from a team with undeniable chemistry and heart, into a team that constantly has to hand over the reigns to their new star player. So this year, the Yankees decided to buck the trend of spending big bucks, and had their most quiet off-season in years. Sure they signed Pettitte, but he was no where near the biggest free agent signing off the winter. Sure they signed another Japanese prospect in Igawa, but they didn’t shell out the big chips for Dice-K.

So will it pay off? In my opinion, the reason the Yankees have been underachieving so much these past few years is because all the new players deterred any chance of the team creating and building on chemistry. So now, the core they preserved from last season is a year wiser, and a year closer together. Their lineup is unquestionably still the best in baseball. It has a nice blend of speed up top (Damon, Jeter, Abreu), and power in the middle (A-Rod, Giambi, Matsui). I don’t care what anyone says about his inability in the clutch, his fielding, his purple lips or his “I’m too sexy for my shirt” outings in Central Park; when it boils down to it, A-Rod is a great player.

It’s their pitching that has been the big question mark during these ring-less seasons, and while the acquisition of Pettitte will help, their fate will depend more on the rest of their rotation. I hesitate in calling Wang their ace, considering he had less strikeouts last season (76) than a top notch closer like Joe Nathan (95). I have little faith in Pavano returning to his “contract year” form this season, and doubt whether or not he was ever a top rotation starter. In my mind, The Yankees best pitcher is Mussina. He’s always solid, and rarely gets roughed up for more than four runs, an amount this lineup should surpass on any given day. A perfect case in point is Game 2 of the ALDS vs. the Tigers last season. He kept his team in the game, only down by one, but the offense couldn’t produce their next run until late in Game 4. That seems to be the only thing really holding this team back. As long as the lineup doesn’t choke in October again, this team should make the World Series.

I still hate them however, and wish them nothing but the worst for the 2007 season.

Toronto Blue Jays: Yes, they finished ahead of the Red Sox last season (by one game). It was a fairly successful year for the birds. They out-slugged almost every team in the league, and proved that B.J. Ryan was worth the loot. They also managed a pretty decent off-season, signing two pitchers (Tomo Ohka and John Thomson) for almost nothing, while adding another big bat to their lineup in Frank Thomas. Along with Wells, Glaus, Rios and Overbay, Toronto should be even more dangerous than last season, when Rios, who showed a lot of promise missed over 40 games (his middle name is Israel!) The only problem I have with their lineup is that it appears legitimately one-dimensional on paper; they got a lot of power, but lack average and speed. This is why a guy like Reed Johnson, their lesser-known lead-off hitter, will be so crucial in setting the table for the big guns that follow.

Pitching wise, the Blue Jays are one of few teams in the league that can say they have a true ace in Roy Halladay. He has been consistently great in the past few years, with only Santana of the Twins being a better all-around starter in that time frame. Number two starter A.J. Burnett did something shocking last season – he got injured and only pitced 21 starts. He seems to trade off healthy and non-healthy seasons through his career, so the Jays should take the opportunity to make something of it this year. I like Ohka and Thomson rounding out their rotation. They have both shown good signs in their careers, even though Thomson is a total tool box for saying he wouldn’t play with the Mets this off-season (As if we’d want him! We are sooo set with starting pitching). The question is, will all of this be enough for the Jays to make the required leap this year in the AL East, which has been a two-dog race for so long. Considering they finished second last year (first time a team other than Boston or New York did since 98), I’d say it’s very possible.

Victor Zambrano Alert: Well someone had to do it. The Jays are the poor schmucks who ended up with “the other Zambrano” for the 2007 season. As any Mets fan could attest, Victor Zambrano is the worst starting pitcher in the history of the league. Anytime he starts a game, you can only hope that he gives up four runs in 4.2 innings – and I’m dead serious. I don’t know how the Jays plan on using him, but I suggest they keep him in the bullpen and never put him into a single game. If he ever acts up and complains about not receiving any playing time, just throw a cup filled with empty sunflower seeds in his face and tell him to get his ass back on the pine.

Boston Red Sox: After getting the proverbial monkey off their back in 04 by winning the whole thing, the Sox have stumbled back to where they were prior to their miracle run, in the past two seasons. But the reasoning is understandable. They lost their heart and soul pitcher in Pedro Martinez and their heart and soul batter in Johnny Damon. They also traded a lot of prospects for proven veterans, last year with the Marlins (Lowell, Beckett) and this year with the signings of Lugo and Drew from the Dodgers. Their biggest catch of the off-season was Dice-K, who I’ve decided to never spell his name out, since he was given such a cool nickname. Nonetheless, the Red Sox have been making a lot of moves since their World Series season, but unlike the Yankees, the Sox have created little buzz with their list of transactions.

Their starting pitching could or could not be the best in the league this season. Curt Schilling has gone from a bloodied sock warrior to a fat guy who complains a lot (if he wants to be the next David Wells, he’s about 25 pounds and a goatee away). Beckett was awful last year, seeing his ERA inflate larger than his face upon entering the hard hitting AL East. To me, it’s going to take the penciled in three and four starters to make something happen for the Bo-Sox. Converted starter Jonathan Papelbon is a total tossup for me and anyone else who only knows him as a closer. Dice-K is the guy who can really turn things around. He has the potential of becoming a big fan favorite in Bean Town if he succeeds, and can wake up a team that fell apart horribly last season (I nearly forgot about their five-game sweep by the Yankees. Never has one regular season series done so much to crush a team’s post season hopes).

But the pitching forecast seems to overcast a much more prominent issue in Boston this season, and that is their aging and lacking of an identity lineup. While Ortiz is still a monster, his irregular heartbeat last year worries me about the toll the regular season takes on the big guy. He doesn’t seem like someone who conditions himself to well, and it’s inevitable that he’s going to hit a wall soon and miss some games. As for Manny, he too is an injury liability, and has the worst case of bipolarism I have ever seen. One day he’s demanding a trade, the next day he’s saying how much he loves Boston and would never leave. Riiiiiight. As much crap as he’s been getting, J.D. Drew could prove to be the key of Boston’ season, so the fans would be wise to embrace him at first. A career underachiever, if Drew can just lock in on that low porch in left (the pesky pole is just 302 feet from home), hopefully his production can inspire everyone else, and get that offense going again. If not, the Red Sox can easily fall towards the bottom of the division.

Baltimore Orioles: It gets harder and harder for teams to surpass the Yankees the further down they stand in the division, and the Orioles still look years away from doing so. For a team that used to contend in the division back in the mid-nineties, the O’s still have the notoriety of a team like the Cubs to sign big players and make noise in the off-season. But unfortunately for them, it hasn’t translated into a winning season, which hasn’t been had in Baltimore for nine years now. This team hasn’t had anything to be happy about since Cal Ripken broke the consecutive game streak, and that was over ten years ago. Yikes.

The good thing is Miguel Tejada, their premier signing over the past few years, has been very solid in Baltimore, and hit a career best .330 last season. The bad thing is his power has declined at the same time, down to 24 homers last year. When a team puts their shortstop in the cleanup spot, and gets that power production in a division filled with bombers, it doesn’t speak to highly of their chances to compete in the runs department (By the way, it pains me to write all of this considering I drafted Tejada over a slew of other sluggers in my recent fantasy league, including Ortiz). The rest of their lineup is very suspect. Brian Roberts is overrated, Melvin Mora appears to be on the decline, and recent signing Aubrey Huff isn’t exactly enough to bolster them to the next level (it surely didn’t work in Houston, a much friendlier hitters park).

So, as is common with every team trying to make the playoffs, starting pitching will tell the tale of the Orioles success. And like their bats, their arms too are suspect. I am a huge fan of Eric Bedard – uh…actually I barely know anything about him, I just know a lot of sports writers who use that description. In fact, there was a huge ruckus when he was taken in that recent fantasy draft, prompting my friend Kerner to say, “Why the fuck is everyone going crazy over Eric Bedard?” But despite how good he presumably is, their rotation is very bleak from 2-5. And to add to that, Kris Benson will miss the whole year, leading his wife to sleep with former Met Steve Trachsel, who was signed to replace the injured former Met. That pretty much sums up what I think of the Orioles in 2007.

Tampa Bay Devil Rays: The Rays have an awful stigma weighing on their shoulders that sooner or later needs to be shed, or they might as well fold into nothing and disappear from Major League Baseball. They are the only team to never be good, never have a winning season and never have any positive effect on the league in their nine losing seasons of existence. In that timeframe, the Diamonbacks, who came into the league the same year, have had five winning seasons and one World Series title. Another expansion team from the past fifteen years, the Marlins, has won two championships. Even the Rockies had a short-lived period of success in the mid nineties, making the playoffs in the Dante Bichette era.

So why were seven Devil Rays selected in my fantasy draft? Well that answer to that is rather simple – their awful records have translated into a lot of high draft picks. Going into this season, they have a healthy core of Rocco Baldelli, Delmon Young and Carl Crawford at the top of their lineup, all with speed and power. Throw in some other nice bats, and this team has a young, yet slightly experienced offense. They also have an ace up their sleeve in Scott Kazmir, who has the potential to be a top five starter in baseball. The problem is, like Baltimore, their rotation completely falls apart after the number one spot, and their bullpen isn’t the type you want to hand the ball over to early.

While this season is a wash, it could serve as a good opportunity for the Rays to do something they have never done in their nine years - finish third in the division. As pathetic of an accomplishment as that sounds (and it basically is), it will be a positive step forward for a team that is still missing crucial pieces to their success. What they can really use are a few experienced veterans to round out their rotation. Guys like Jon Lieber, currently ranked 6th on the Phillies depth chart, would help their situation. If they can do that, while finding a closer, I am pretty confident this offense can scrap together enough runs to compete one day. It’s still early Tampa fans, but the quest for third is a reality in 2007!

Welcome to Jam Session

2007-02-24T13:49:00.000-05:00

I woke up last Sunday morning (err, afternoon) with a severe All-Star Saturday Night hangover. No, not from the amount of beer I consumed (roughly six), but from the lack of excitement that the evening’s events provided. Indeed, I needed something to get me into a good basketball mindset, if I was going to have any chance of having interest once the game rolled around at 8:30. So as I flipped through the channels (enjoying a frosty Coors Light at around 1 p.m.) I stopped at ESPN Classic, figuring they would have some All-Star themed programming for me to partake in. And what they had in store fore me was quite glorious…six straight hours of three back-to-back vintage Michael Jordan era All-Star games! It was one of those television discoveries when you think to yourself, “well I’m not doing anything else for the next six hours,” and then realize how sad that is shortly thereafter. Nonetheless, I was all set to take a trip back to early nineties basketball nostalgia. An era when Ahmad Rashad’s Inside Stuff was my SportsCenter, when NBA mascots actually qualified as C-list celebrities, and above everything else, when the talent of today was paired with the fundamentals of yesterday; all before the 96 draft came around and officially changed everything.

The 1993 All-Star Game:
East Squad Starting Lineup-
Isiah Thomas, Michael Jordan, Shaquille O’Neal, Larry Johnson, Scottie Pippen
Reserves-
Patrick Ewing, Dominique Williams, Joe Dumars, Detlef Schrempf, Larry Nance, Mark Price, Brad Daugherty
West Squad Starting Lineup-
John Stockton, Clyde Drexler, David Robinson, Karl Malone, Charles Barkley
Reserves-
Hakeem Olajuwon, Shawn Kemp, Dan Majerle, Tim Hardaway, Terry Porter, Danny Manning, Sean Elliot

This game took place at the pinnacle of the Jordan Era, when he was fresh of two straight titles, and was dominating a league filled with future Hall of Famers. At the same time, it started to feel like the other players began to hate Jordan for his global domination, and his ball hogging (he took a game high 24 shots). Nonetheless, this was a great All-Game show. In the opening minutes, Jordan got the ball and was defended one-on-one by his West Coast nemesis Drexler, and the crowd went nuts (suffice to say, Kobe getting guarded by LeBron does not create the same response today). The game went into overtime, with the West edging out a victory 135-132. This was the year the game was played in Salt Lake City, and Malone and Stockton “conveniently” won co-MVP honors (alright, they deserved it). The best part about watching these games is seeing all the old players who were once considered All-Stars, and then comparing that to where they are at now. An interesting case is Larry Johnson, who started for the East. This was during his grandmamma phase, a Converse ad campaign in which he dressed up like an old woman, and schooled players on the court (at least that’s how I remember it). It even landed him a gig on Family Matters, solidifying LJ as one of the most popular players in the league. Looking back at the grandmamma phenomenon…it really didn’t make too much sense. If anything it provided an early inspiration for the movie Big Mamma’s House. Also in this game was “Thunder” Dan Majerle, another very popular player in the era. Does anyone remember that this guy made four straight All-Star teams? Neither did I.

The 1998 All-Star Game:
East Squad Starting Lineup-
Penny Hardaway, Michael Jordan, Dikembe Mutombo, Shawn Kemp, Grant Hill
Reserves-
Tim Hardaway, Glen Rice, Reggie Miller, Rick Smits, Antoine Walker, Steve Smith, Jayson Williams
West Squad Starting Lineup-Gary Payton, Kobe Bryant, Shaquille O’Neal, Karl Malone, Kevin Garnett
Reserves-
Vin Baker, Eddie Jones, Nick Van Exel, David Robinson, Mitch Richmond, Jason Kidd, Tim Duncan

Wow, where do I start with this one. For those of you who don’t know, this game took place in the world’s most famous arena, Madison Square Garden, and pinned an aging Jordan against an emerging young Kobe. The Lakers had four All-Stars in this game, with Shaq being the only deserving candidate. Regardless, this game epitomized the dawn of the NBA’s Hip Hop era (minus Iverson, who didn’t start making All-Star teams until his fourth year). The contrasting style of old school vs. new school was pretty apparent when Marv Albert commentated on Garnett’s first bucket. “That’s third year player Kevin Garnett - they call him Da Kid,” said Albert, in one of the worst slang attempts by a middle-aged white man in televised history. At the same time, the game was still “nineties alternative rock era” enough that when a timeout was called, they played the “Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm” song by Crash Test Dummies over the speakers, which I guess was used to capture the downtime of play calling. Nonetheless, it was a pretty eerie changing of the guard. But the thing that got me buzzing the most was the East’s bench. Antoine Walker was a young, cocky second year overachiever who also embodied the new NBA star (he even had his little shimmy back then that he would do after hitting a shot). Then you have Tim Hardaway inserted into the game, which would have been totally normal 15 days ago, when his anti-gay feelings weren’t exposed. Now watching it, I can only imagine how uncomfortable he was playing in New York, what with all the gays. If a homophobic point guard wasn’t enough, the East also had Jayson Williams come off the bench, who kind of, sort of…killed a guy. It was pretty surreal to watch both guys on the court, while buzzed and a tad bit stoned. But aside from the interesting sub-plots of the bench players, the game was just damn good. Sure the East had a washed-up Kemp starting, and a dark foreshadow in Penny (Marv commented “Penny whose stayed healthy most of his career, missing most of the first half of the season with an injury. Penny got re-injured after the break, missed the rest of the season and was never the same again). Jordan still dominated a game in which young players like Kobe (impressive but sloppy) and Eddie Jones (taking way too many shots) were trying to make their marks. It kind of made this specific timeframe all the more intriguing, knowing that all Jordan could do was school them in his waning hours (final score, East 135-114), win one more title in the spring, and leave the hip-hoppers the reigns when he retired. And that’s exactly what happened until….

The 2003 All-Star Game:
East Squad Starting Lineup-
Allen Iverson, Michael Jordan, Ben Wallace, Tracy McGrady, Jermaine O’Neal
Reserves-
Brad Miller, Paul Pierce, Antoine Walker, Vince Carter, Jason Kidd, Jamal Mashburn, Zydrunas Ilgauskus
West Starting Lineup-
Steve Francis, Kobe Bryant, Yao Ming, Kevin Garnett, Tim Duncan
Reserves-
Dirk Nowitzki, Steve Nash, Shaquille O’Neal, Shawn Marion, Stephon Marbury, Gary Payton, Peja Stojakovic

Pretty interesting All-Star game for many reasons. For starters, there was a huge voting controversy in which a still developing, rookie Yao was voted in over a still dominating, veteran Shaq, because more Chinese people voted for him than Americans do in the general election. The Diesel kept his cool, but was obviously not thrilled about coming off the bench for the rest of his All-Star career (does anyone else consider that have something to do with his bolt to the East?) Another interesting thing of note (especially for Knicks fans) was the West’s starting point guard, Steve Francis. That’s right - Francis was once popular and “just” good enough to start All-Star games. Watching him only four years ago, it’s like looking at a totally different player. The guy used to be really toned and ripped - an athletic freak. He literally bounced around the court with a series of explosive dunks in the first quarter of this game. What in god’s name happened to him? Lately he looks about as toned as Ralph Macchio in the Karate Kid, and I don’t think I’ve even seen him dunk once this year. It’s a pretty sad development for a guy who started his career of very similarly to another slashing guard, Dwayne Wade, who should really take everything into consideration, considering his recent injury. As for the game, Jordan took A LOT of shots (27) for an All-Star game, and only made nine of them. But of course, MJ managed to make a 33 percent night look legendary, considering most of those makes were crucial baskets down the stretch, sending the game to overtime (in fact, his last shot put the East up wit a few ticks left, but an ill-advised foul by O’Neal gave the West an opportunity to tie). In overtime, KG took over the game, and gave the West a victory they should have had a lot easier. I mean, this was when the West Coast dominance of bigs really began to take hold, so the fact that the score was so close is a true testament to what MJ meant to these games. Later that year, the LeBron draft took place, ushering in a new era of young stars comparable to the 96 draft. We’re still waiting for either class to produce the next MJ - doesn’t look like it’s happening.

All-Star Weekend Recap

2007-02-20T01:34:00.000-05:00

This past weekend, the NBA All-Star game made its much-hyped debut in Las Vegas – a city without a team, but apparently dying for one. The underlying storyline of the whole weekend was how David Stern and Vegas Mayor Oscar B. Goodman have been talking about possibly bringing a franchise to Sin City, with obvious gambling and gaming clauses. (I must add that Goodman has a horribly gigantic Jew shnoz, which makes him look a lot like one of the Juzamek aliens from South Park. I can only imagine Stern and Goodman getting really loaded one night this weekend on blechh and hookers with big hekmahs, only to wake up the next day and say “I can’t believed I sucked you’re jagon." I apologize to all non South Park fans).

I will say one thing about bringing a franchise to Vegas. While I don’t know all the logistics, I’m pretty sure that Stern and team owners don’t want basketball betting to go down in the arena. At the same time, it’s almost impossible to open such a venue in Vegas without slot machines lining the lobby (trust me, it will kill attendance and revenue for that place if those sick gambling addicts can't blow 20 bucks on video poker at half time). I also assume there would have to be some type of a sports book in there. So my compromise is simple. Open up an arena, with some slots, maybe a few tables and a sports book – only one that doesn’t include NBA games to bet. Makes sense right? I’m pretty sure it doesn’t in the grand scheme of things, but it’s a good start if you ask me. On to the weekend, recapped event by horribly executed event.

All-Star Friday Night

McDonalds NBA All-Star Celebrity Game: Always a total train-wreck, this year’s celebrity game took the term to new heights. The proof is pretty much in the final score – 40 to 21. The game MVP you ask? Access Hollywood reporter Tony Potts, who edged out Bill Simmons in a celebrity go-kart race at the Super Bowl, putting him on a good pace for the Grand Slam of celebrity/fundraising sporting events. Honestly, the game had so many “what the fuck am I watching” moments that I almost had to change the channel. The saddest part was the fact that the two WNBA players participating were trying hard to score, and just failed miserably (It was pretty clear from the game that Tony Potts would be an eight time league MVP if he played in the ladies league). But the part that almost made me choke on my brisket (I was enjoying a nice Sabbath dinner at my grandma’s house) was when Reggie Bush rolled his ankle and had to go to the locker room. Honestly, even though he is OK, I don’t know if there would have been a worse moment in sports history than having the NFL’s brightest young star suffer a serious injury in a game more meaningless than Carrot Top’s life (he participated) itself. And since when did Carrot Top get so jacked? It looks like he's been working out with Barry Bonds on weekends. And another thing, this game needs better celebrity players! Where’s Brian McKnight when you need him? Dude’s got game!

Las Vegas NBA All-Star Dance Team: 30 NBA team dancers (one from each team) are voted by fans to perform for a few minutes, in what they think is the big-break of reality TV careers. Sadly I voted for this ridiculous contest on NBA.com, and may I air my disappointment on Crystal from the Dallas Mavericks not being selected (http://www.nba.com/mavericks/dance/Crystal.html). The girl has got ass up from the calf up.

The T-Mobile Rookie Challenge: I didn’t get to see much of the weekend’s first blowout, as I was getting ready for a night out at some rock bar in Long Island (Think Comrades from Wayne’s World 2 minus Del Preston. Actually, it was nothing like Comrades). Obviously the sophomores crushed the rookie team 155-114, which I already pointed out as being an awful class in my mid-season column. Game MVP was David Lee who managed to go a perfect 14-14 for 30 points, a feat even impressive in an exhibition game. Makes you wonder if this will finally convince Isiah Thomas to start him already. (Interesting side note: For everyone who tolerates Isiah’s patience with Lee because he was wise enough to draft him, my buddy Ian informed me last night that Zeke was ready to trade our most promising star last season for Theo Ratliff and Ruben “I chase my baby sitter down the hall naked” Patterson. So we may need to stop singing his praises).

All-Star Saturday Night

Haier Shooting Stars: Yikes…where do I start. First off, what the fuck is Haier and why is it sponsoring this event? And secondly, why does this event even exist anymore. I’d hate to use the word train-wreck again, so I’ll dub Haier Shooting Stars as a clusterfuck. Aside from the fact that it’s boring as hell (pretty much a team version of around the world), it was executed horribly. Each team was supposed to get two minutes to finish, but the shot clock kept stopping at one, and apparently nobody knew how to change it (and why would a professionally trained team of scoreboard operators know how to add one minute to a clock?) On top of that, whoever was in charge of it picked the worst possible old-timers for a shooting competition. Michael Cooper…your confidence is shattered. Good luck finding a head coaching job now. And I’m pretty sure Bill Laimbeer went his whole career hiding how fugly his shot looked, but after taking several attempts to hit a three-pointer, the secret is out. Pretty awful all the way around. It even gave the WNBA athletes confidence for hitting most of the half-court shots, which is the sports equivalent of winning a 50 dollar lottery ticket. Congratulations ladies.

Charles Barkley races Dick Bavetta: Yup, I bet on Bavetta. This was actually the first of two events I gambled on during the night. I had a strong feeling that Barkley would give out much quicker, but the fact is Bavetta is an old man who runs like a woman. And Barkley is no prime athlete himself, considering he was too winded to even speak after the race. Regardless, one of the more entertaining parts of the evening. There’s nothing like seeing Barkley back-tracking the final half lap, while Bavetta desperately leaps for the finishing line, perhaps taking the event a tad too seriously (he bloodied his knee for Christ sake).

Playstation Skills Challenge: It’s funny, I really thought I liked this event; yet when it came on I lost total interest fairly quickly. I think they need to add something to the relay course, or at least light those hoops on fire. I thought Chris Paul would win because of his speed, but there was a running trend in this competition. No one was trying to go remotely fast. I think LeBron James was jogging, and he made it to the second road. Um, I have nothing more to say about this event.

Foot Locker Three-Point Shootout: A pretty good field of shooters, and some pretty high scores put up. Arenas skilled the first round with a score of 23, and was looking like a favorite for the finals. Of course this was the second event I bet, and I took Nowitzki. (The only person who would bet on a Slam Dunk contest is Chevy Chase’s character from Dirty Work, who also bet Mr. T vs. Rocky. Or Krusty the Clown for that matter, who has apparently bet against the Harlem Globetrotters on numerous occasions. But once again, I’m rambling) Nowitzki did make it to the second round, but so did Jason Kapono, who until this season, looked like another white shooter from the West Coast who will never get burn. Now he’s leading the league in three point percentage, and is the Three-Point Shootout winner. He has a title as well, not a bad career for the UCLA grad so far. Unfortunately, Arenas could not match his first round performance, and decided it would be appropriate to shoot his last rack of basketballs with one hand. I actually saw him do this on a YouTube video, in which he challenges Deshawn Stevenson to a shooting contest. It makes his All-Star stunt look like nothing, as he rolls on the gym floor, yelling at Stevenson to distract his shots. He really is psychotic.

Sprite Slam Dunk: Finally, the highlight of All-Star weekend (at least 10 years ago), the slam dunk contest - which is now just called Slam dunk apparently. Anyway, the crop of guys they get for this thing lately, all four of them, never really build up too much excitement for the contest. This year, the judge panel literally consisted of the best dunkers of all time, Jordan, Dr. J, Wilkins, Kobe and Vince. And of course, Jordan stuck out the most, not because he’s Jordan, but for the Morpheus from The Matrix outfit he was sporting. He seriously looked like he was judging a dunking contest in 2028, after being cryogenically frozen. The event actually started out with some dunks. Gerald Green got a good assist from Paul Pierce off the edge of the backboard which he slammed down with authority. Nate Robinson had a nice assist to himself, bouncing it off the ground and finishing with a one-handed stuff. Note that they nailed these dunks on first attempt, which is very crucial in these contests.

Dwight Howard poked fun at not being allowed to dunk on a 12 foot basket, by slapping a sticker he plastered on the backboard at the same height mark. The sticker was a picture of his face smiling, and really showed his comedic side more than his dunking. In fact, Howard appears to be a pretty funny guy, from that and some other instances this weekend. But in the final round, Green and Robinson went head to head, in what seemed like a clear repeat for the Knicks volatile midget hitman. Only this year, his relentless attempt to nail a final dunk did not earn him a win. Instead, Robinson failed miserable over and over at a self assisted 360, only to hit after receiving two clearly illegal extra attempts. Green won with a dunk that looks a lot nicer the more you see it, a near free-throw line leap over a scorers table. All in all, I’m still on the fence about Slam Dunk contests this day and age. I think we need Mprpheus back.

(On top of that, I need to add that when Nate takes so long to execute his dunks in these contests, it definitely takes all the excitement out of them when he finally connects. I made a perfect analogy during the contest. If someone was trying to parallel park, and kept fucking it up while hitting both cars in the process, would you give them any credit for it once they got it right? That’s what I was thinking.)

Coming up next, my All-Star Sunday recap.

Jew-rotic Rants of the Week

2007-02-14T20:30:00.000-05:00

(note to readers, this entry is a good one-week old, as I got lazy and forgot to post it. I am trying to update this blog a lot more now with shorter posts, so bear with me...)

With the NFL season now officially in the books (I had the pleasure of catching only one drive of the always exciting Pro-Bowl last week), the Sports Jew is literally at a loss for words. It’s definitely my favorite sport to dissect, analytically and satirically, and with a little less than two months before Mets opening day, I’m going to have to dig a little deeper for column ideas. To mediate the situation I have created a new post category for the blog called “Jew-rotic Rants of the Week,” where I will take a few of the most notable sports stories from the past seven days to argue over or make fun of respectively. I think I got some good material for my first run at it…

What’s the difference between John Amaechi and a refrigerator?

Answer…a refrigerator doesn’t fart when you take the meat out. (I heard this offensive yet hilarious joke at work on Friday, and decided it had the wheels to start off this entry). Joking aside, considering I am not nearly as homophobic as 90 percent of the current NBA roster, Amaechi’s decision to come out last week, four seasons after he retired, was totally reasonable from my point of view. His announcement, which coincided with the release of his tell-all autobiography “Man in the Middle” last Wednesday, brought up the question of whether we will ever see a professional athlete announce his gayness while still active on a pro sports roster. This kind of suggests that what Amechi and a few other guys before him did is cowardly, or in the grand scheme of things illustrates how the world isn’t ready for a gay sports star.

For starters Amaechi is and never was a star, but rather a dime a dozen big man who would never be playing basketball if he wasn’t so abnormally tall. It doesn’t downplay the fact that Amechi waited to come out after retirement because no matter who you are, whether it’s Michael Jordan or, um…John Amaechi, being openly gay in a locker room full of straight guys is currently not a comfortable situation. It’s a sad situation indeed, but it’s also human nature. The NBA and other pro leagues are filled with athletes raised on strict Christian morals, and while I’m pretty sure it doesn’t say “thou shall not shower with tall gay British men” anywhere in the Bible, the moral questioning of the scenario would be unavoidable.

The question is, is it worth it for the incredibly small percentage of gay men in pro sports (radio and TV personalities say it’s as much as one per team, I highly doubt that) to try and convince a league of guys that its OK to play with them, or just wait until after their careers when the money is already in the bank, to come out? I would have to lean towards the latter. The truth is gay prejudice is one of the hardest types to counteract, so for now, gay men deciding to venture into pro sports may have to abide by the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy until such a drastic change of perceptions in the league occurs. But I’ve realized this topic is too dense and serious to rant about, so let’s move on…

All-Star replacements, just because…

I put so much effort into making my selections, and David Stern was poised with making the same decision of who to replace the injured Yao Ming (and Boozer as well). With two spots open I thought it wouldn’t be possible for another snub to be in order, but the omission of Elton Brand shot that down. Instead, Stern decided to go with the vastly improved Josh Howard, and Carmelo Anthony. This is what I don’t get though. If you were going to snub Anthony the first time it would have to be solely be for his suspension, considering the fact that he leads the league in scoring, an automatic All-Star selection attribute. So by that rationale, it wouldn’t matter how many injury spots open up, because it was already decided by coaches that Carmelo didn’t deserve to make the original reserves exclusively because of his suspension, right?

Even weirder is the fact that Stern is the one who has given Melo a second chance at making the squad, considering his near-dictator like rule of the NBA so far this season, which included Melo’s 15 game sit. I guess the commissioner decided that Anthony had learned his lesson enough from the ordeal, and that it would take two roster injuries for the league’s top scorer to make the team, a humbling selection indeed. Still, I feel that Brand has earned enough respect over his rock solid career in the league to get the nod, at least over an emerging star like Howard, but the Mavericks better record probably played a part. Also, Brand is averaging just below 10 rebounds this year, which has a very negative effect on a player’s stat line, even if he makes up for it in other areas (field goal percentage, blocks).

The three words I hate more than anything else are…

Pitchers and Catchers. Seriously, why do so many people attribute this meaningless day as the official start of the baseball season? More importantly they try to generate excitement around it, like fans are remotely interested in what is, in all reality, warm-ups. I’m sorry, but when I hear that it’s only 12 days until pitchers and catchers report to spring training, I don’t circle the date on my calendar. I don’t watch the entire evening SportsCenter in hopes of seeing Mike Pelfrey throwing curve balls to Paul LoDuca at Tradition Field in Port. St Lucie (and yes I had to google the name of the Mets spring training field). For me, it isn’t until spring training begins in about a month or so when the season officially gains my interest, and unless you’re a beat reporter for the New York Post, the same should be said for you.

(Wait a minute…I want to be a beat writer for the New York Post. Uh, scratch that thought process. Pitchers and Catchers all the way! Bring on the pitching of baseballs and subsequent catching of them! Seriously, I want to listen to live press conferences everyday in which Rick Peterson says things like, “yeah his stuff is lookin pretty good” and “still trying to get that curve to break a little earlier.” Riveting stuff.)

Say No More…Mon Amour

2007-02-05T22:37:00.000-05:00

Manning beats Rex in Super Bowl XLI

As wonderfully witty as I am, I cannot take credit for the photo to the right. It was in fact guest Jew columnist Gaba-gooz who came up with the clever connotation of combining both Super Bowl quarterbacks (Peyton Manning, Rex Grossman) into one Rex Manning, the over-the-hill rock star from the film Empire Records. Which may I add is one of those so bad-its good-but ultimately bad again movies that make random runs on HBO. It has its moments (always been a fan of Anthony LaPaglia’s catalog), but it’s mostly filled with scenes involving either Liv Tyler or Renee Zellweger that are totally gay. Whether it’s the diet pills scene or rooftop performance of sugar high, yup, Empire Records is pretty damn homo.

On another note, the Colts won the Super Bowl yesterday. So now sports enthusiasts around the world can stop pestering Peyton Manning, who may I add looked pretty unenthused when the clock ticked down to 0:00. Overall, I wasn’t to into the game. The first quarter was filled with momentum changing plays, and hence, was very exciting. But aside from Hester’s return and Wayne’s touchdown, the rest of those plays were fumbles. I don’t know about anyone else, but usually for me fumbles are the sign of a bad game. And for the most part that’s what Super Bowl XLI was. A lot of long drives ended with three points, and midway through the fourth quarter everyone pretty much knew the Bears had no chance of coming back. It would have taken two defensive scores, because Grossman showed no signs of completing one scoring drive by game’s end, let alone two.

Aside from the mediocre game, there were some other interesting things of note from the evening, provided by my friends mostly. So instead of breaking down the game like I usually do, here are my favorite highlights from the Super Bowl.

• OK, my first isn’t a favorite, but more of an observation that had to be made. This year’s commercials sucked! No office chimps? No hipster cavemen? Not like I could hear them to well anyway, but the award for weirdest Super Bowl commercial definitely goes to that GM spot where the robot dreams of committing suicide. Hello…what the fuck was that? First off my brother brought up a great point. With all the “human beings” GM probably lays off in a give year, I don’t think making a joke about getting fired in the auto-industry is too appropriate. Aside from that, the commercial (with a protagonist that looked like Johnny 5 from Short Circuit) was just a little too eerie for my tastes. I was a tad high at the time it came on, and found myself sitting there, feeling sad for a robotic arm. In closing, General Motors really messed with my head.

• And finally, Train-Wreck of the Night goes to my good friend Brandon Mirailh, who was in rare form throughout the entire game. First off, he must have lost a combined eight seats for not calling fives when getting up for a beer, something my psychotic friends take very seriously. On top of that, he managed to kick over at least three beers while stumbling across the apartment, at one time doing so while losing a seat for not calling fives, which caused him to yell “Damn It!” in his loud Brooklyn accent. To top that off, he somehow finagled his way into several rounds of a heated halftime game of cee-lo while throwing down an unbreakable $20 bill, and in a sense, kept playing for free while all my friends yelled at him. A truly amazing performance all around. Peyton definitely robbed the MVP trophy.

THE NBA MID-SEASON REPORT: EPISODE II – THE RETURN OF G-CHILD!

2007-01-31T01:41:00.000-05:00

Why am I starting both of these columns with a totally irrelevant reference to the White Rapper Show? I’m not quite sure. I think you have to watch the show to really understand why. Hopefully one day I will be creative enough to tie in a 4-foot tall white female rapper obsessed with Vanilla Ice, to the modern day image of the NBA, but until then…

Back for another round is I, the Sports Jew, with part 2 of my NBA Mid-Season report. It’s time to dish out a bunch of other awards, lighting round style this time, so I can sort out as much of the league as possible. The categories will include everything from the mundane (rookie of the year, yawn) to the obscure and awesome (most grizzled foreign player). When all that is said and done, I will cap things of with an exclusive evaluation of the Knicks season to date, and whether they receive a passing or failing grade. For most of you that know me, feel free guessing the answer to that one.

Quick note before I continue, about my All-Star selections. I was pretty sure controversy would ensue, but despite the best efforts of some readers (I think I have five total, if anyone is counting), I’m going to stand pat with my decisions. Well, for the most part. When my brother informed me that Michael Redd (averaging a career best 27.7 points) has missed the entire last month of the season, I had to scratch my head about selecting him. At the time, I thought he had missed about 2 weeks. Another strike against him is that the Bucks are last in their division. However, they are also 2-12 since his injury. I scratched my head again, this time hitting a bump, which may or not be a pimple. To sum it up, I was deciding between Redd and Rip Hamilton, finally giving Redd the edge for his high scoring average. But since he is injured, and will probably not return for the All-Star break, Rip would serve as a valid alternate. On we go with the awards, which will get progressively less significant and funnier as they go along.

Rookie of the Year: Wow. This rookie class is pretty lame. I had a good feeling it would be going into the season, but there is literally no rookie making a big impact on any of the 30 NBA teams. Randy Foye has shown sporadic signs of stardom, but his numbers don’t shine anywhere. I’ll give it to the guy whose name rhymes with him, Brandon Roy. He is putting up some nice numbers…in Portland. Uh, Bargnani is showing some signs…I guess. OK, this rookie class is making me contemplate suicide, lets move on.

Most Improved Player: This on the other hand is a pretty good three-legged race between Caron Butler, Josh Howard and Carlos Boozer. I’ll give some props to Luke Walton for doubling his scoring and assists, he is really growing into a fundamentally sound player. Throw Yao into the mix too, as he is finally starting to reach his potential. He’s even starting to grow a Japanese tough-guy swagger similar to Piston Honda in Mike Tyson’s Punch-out. But among the top three, I’m leaning towards Carlos Boozer. He has added 3 points and 3 rebounds to his game, and is slowly becoming one of the best offensive power forwards in the game.

Sixth Man of the Year: Sorry David Lee fans, this one was pretty easy to me, Leandro Barbosa. Don’t get me wrong, I love Lee’s rebounding and efficiency, but the fact the he doesn’t start (and should) almost pisses me off enough to not consider him. Ben Gordon is another likely candidate, but I prefer Barbosa who gives the Suns a fuel injection whenever he enters the game. He’s the basketball equivalent of a NOS tank in one of the rice rockets from Fast and the Furious. The Suns are already blazing from the get-go, but when Bosa comes in, they speed-burst to the next level. (Note: The Sports Jew does not endorse any of the films in the Fast and the Furious trilogy, especially the third one with Japanese people spinning in cars like idiots.)

Coach of the Year: This was a tough one. I mean you got D’Antoni, Johnson, Jackson, Saunders. Any of these guys could win the award in any given year for the way they prepare their players, script up plays on the court and instill an overall discipline amongst their team, equating into a high win total. With all that said, I’m going to go with Pete Bell, Nick Nolte’s character in Blue Chips. “Algiers?”

Defensive Player of Year: Eh, I guess I have to pick this category since it’s one of the official ones. It’s just hard for me, because it can’t be based on just blocks and steals, and there is no way of tracking a player’s post coverage or perimeter defense. Josh Smith is one guy filling up the stat sheet, averaging over a steal and nearly three blocks a game. Ben Wallace and Ron Artest are the easy choices. I’m going to go with Jermaine O’Neal. He is leading the league in blocks at over three, and is an underrated post defender. I was going to pick Shawn Marion, but my friend Grampa claims he has “never shutdown a team’s best opposing player in the final minutes of a game.” Sadly, he probably knows this for sure.

OK, now some fake categories.

On-Court Highlight of the Year: Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see the game when the Nets and Suns battled to a double overtime 161-157 finish, so to be fair to, um, reality; I’m only going to pick something I actually watched. Runner-up is definitely the Knicks-Pistons triple overtime thriller (a Knicks win thank god) considering I was slowly developing an ulcer during the first extended period. If not for the highlights alone, Walt Frazier’s commentary of this game was worth the monthly price of MSG on your cable bill (I’ve been keeping a running journal of his color throughout the season). Observe:

• “An intoxicating performance by Rip, who is that masked man?!?” describing Richard Hamilton’s 51 point game, and his protective face gear.

• “A tomahawk master-blaster from the baseline!” describing a dunk by Piston Antonio McDyess. Or Nazr Mohammed. Or some other whack ex-Knick, I forget.

• “The Knicks have nine lives tonight! OoOo!!” You kind of had to hear this one to get it. Let me give a hint, it was the delivery of the ooo.

Back to the number one highlight, you guessed it Knicks fans, David Lee’s tip-in, buzzer-beater with 0.1 second on the clock. If anything, the fact that they showed the old highlight from Trent Tucker put the idea of it possibly happening in your head, and for a quick second before the inbound, it did. I’m not saying I knew it was going to happen because I definitely didn’t. But the fact that it did made the visual all the more unreal. It was truly amazing for anyone lucky enough to watch it live. To think, it could have been the start of one magical turnaround for the Knicks… (but we will get back to that later).

Off-Court Highlight of the Year: Hmm. Well the problem is nobody seems ready to top Eddie Griffin, who last season drove a car drunk while masturbating to porn, conveniently playing in his automobile’s DVD player. He eventually crashed next to a convenience store, and tried to bribe the owner from calling the cops with the offer of a new car, which failed miserably. But for this season, I will expand on something I touched on briefly in my last column, and that is Shaquille O’Neal’s emerging, if not highly amusing, status as a volunteer police officer. While he most recently pursued a driver in Miami who allegedly assaulted a gay couple (good Shaq cop, good!), an earlier incident in September was not as successful. The Shaq-fu (this time in Virginia) was part of a raid on a suspected child pornographer, in which a man’s home was invaded while his family was there, and a “search and seizure team” confiscated a bunch DVDs and tapes, including his wedding video. Obviously…it was the wrong guy. Even funnier, Shaq denied being present at the raid. I’m not sure how a 7'1" black guy (who was probably humming the Shaft theme and bobbing his head during the whole thing) goes unnoticed at a police raid, but hey, nice try there buddy.

Most Grizzled Foreign Player: Oh, hands down Vladimir Radmanovic, who has been trying to invoke Teen Wolf in recent outings. Unfortunately, when I tried to pull up his NBA.com, alas, he was clean shaven. So to make things more interesting…

The Top Five Creepiest NBA.com photos of the 2006-2007 Season

5. Shelden Williams- Nothing too bad yet, but to me, Williams looks like he’s in the early stages of Ken Griffey’s gigantism from the Simpsons.

4. Jorge Garbajosa- He’ll come to fix your refrigerator; he’ll stay to drink all your seltzer water.

3. Darrell Armstrong- Sadly, I think someone told Armstrong how goofy he looked in his photo last year, and this was the best he could do to change it.

2. Calvin Booth- He looks like one of those reflective homeless guys with funny signs like, “I’d say the money isn’t for booze, but we all know that isn’t true.”

1. Adam Morrison- He looks like an extra from Dazed and Confused, who was cut from filming after trying to grope the young kid who looks like a girl. (And with that, I have said too much).

Finally,

The award for the most overrated team in the NBA, receiving way too much credit for being seven games under 500 is…

The New York Knicks!

Let’s get one thing straight. I am still a diehard Knicks fan who only hopes for the team to succeed, and would never rag on them for losing if they simply couldn't help it. But tonight, as I watched my team barely beat a Kobe-less Lakers at home to improve to 20-27, I noticed something. That being of course, Jordan Farmar really looks a lot like Scarface from Half Baked. But throughout the season I have learned something else. From the first 47 games they played, the Knicks are still not even close to being a good team.

I don’t care that they’ve improved from last year, when they were downright awful. I don’t care that Isiah Thomas has been getting them to play better together; he should have to for putting this uneven bunch of players together. The one thing I do care about is this team becoming a contender, and while I could be surprised, I highly doubt the squad they currently throw out there will even come close. There has been a great quote used about the Knicks this season by Michael Kay, who I generally dislike, although happen to totally agree with on the Knicks. “This team takes one step forward, and two steps back.” It’s true. Sure they just beat the Heat with Shaq and D-Wade. They also lost to the Celtics, Bucks, Raptors and Bobcats at home. This past month they went 7-7 against a fairly soft schedule, where their toughest games were all played at home. What is everyone so impressed about?

I’m not saying they are a total trainwreck. Of course I love David Lee. I HATE that he still doesn’t start. Of course I love Eddie Curry’s offensive stat line every night. I HATE his defensive line. And of course, I love Jamal Crawford dropping 52 on the Heat. I HATE that his field goal percentage is .398. So yeah, it’s basically, a love/hate relationship, and the hate seems to have a more lingering effect.

More importantly, I don’t like how everyone forgot how Isiah Thomas destroyed this team last season, and has made it extremely difficult to trade, sign or draft someone high for the next however many years, (depending on whether he gets nervous and opens up the wound which is Knicks general management in the 21st century, later this season). I find it hard to believe that some radio hosts are saying Thomas wasn’t responsible for the Francis signing, because he is willing to deal him now. That claim is ludicrous. Even funnier is a message I saw one of my Knicks friend leave on another Bulls friend’s Facebook wall. He said, in a sarcastic manner, “Hey, aren’t you mad that the Bulls gave up Crawford and Curry? My response would go something like this. Uh, no. Our team is 14 games better than yours and we still have your draft pick this year. Zing.

In closing, I’m not saying that the Knicks have been extremely disappointing this year, because that isn’t the case, they have fought hard to get back and win some games, as any NBA team should be expected to do. But that in point, is the problem. The Knicks have to drain their entire life source to win one simple regular season game. They can’t pull off an easy three-game winning streak, without having to come back from 15 points down in quadruple overtime in at least one of those games. Sometimes, I feel like most of their wins are flukes. That’s how bad teams win. When it all boils down, I like Lee, I have a few drops of faith left in Marbury, I can only pray to God Curry learns to hustle on D, and I think that Jamal Crawford will always be a streaky scorer, who can only be a successful piece on a championship team. And the Knicks current roster will never come close to that realm of basketball. I only hope that I’m wrong.

Mid-Season grade: D. Hey, at least they passed.

THE FIRST ANNUAL SPORTS JEW NBA MID-SEASON REPORT

2007-01-27T15:13:00.000-05:00

In the words of the great wordsmith John Brown on the White Rapper Show, Hallelujah, Hollaback! and welcome the first annual “Sports Jew NBA Mid-Season Report. It’s time to give much love to my once favorite league, (before I truly discovered the NFL) as most teams have now played 42 games and the half-way mark is upon is. It has been a pretty interesting season in the NBA so far; a future hall-of-famer changed teams after 10 seasons of Brotherly Love loyalty, a new microfiber composite ball was introduced and subsequently bounced, a mini-brawl in New York was marked by a 15-game suspension sucker punch, and two regular season juggernauts (Mavs and Suns) that went a combined 10-10 to start the year, have gone on an ambush since, and are both poised to win over 60 games.

So without further a due, it’s time to look back at the first half of the season through a series of humorous observations and awards, which may I add, in no way mimics the style or approach of a certain sports writer on ESPN.com, I dunno, lets call him Dill Timmons. But before that, I would like to share my selections for both the Eastern and Western All-Star squads, a topic of hot debate in every sport because neither of the three big leagues every seem to get it right. I however have a slightly strict, yet fairly reasonable set of guidelines in choosing the 12 players who make up each team. There are a lot of talented and deserving guys in the league, so it’s important to have a steadfast method of weeding out the least deserving ones. With that said…

• Any player dealing with a serious injury that has taken up most of their season (i.e. Shaquille O’Neal and Lamar Odom or more recent victims Rashard Lewis and Chris Paul) are pretty much barred from making my teams. The reason here is simple; if you can’t play in the game, you don’t deserve to add an All-Star appearance to your resume just because of your status. And in the case of a guy like Shaq*, who has recently come off the DL, prior to this he has played four games this season and done nothing to merit a selection.

• If it comes down to a few players with similar statistics, players from better teams will almost automatically get the edge. Unless a cellar-dwelling star is putting up some really extraordinary numbers, they will simply have to get their team record up first, and then their All-Star appearances will follow. There is just too much talent in this league, and inflated individual stats on bad teams could be a misleading factor for players who are failing to take their squads to the next level.

• Finally, any player who gets a 15 game suspension for a sucker punch, despite being the leading scorer in the league prior to said sucker punch, has simply blown their chance to make the squad. Look, I’m not saying that Melo and these other guys aren’t unanimous All-Stars any other year, just that they will all get plenty of shots to make the team throughout their careers. And when mitigating factors like the above do prevail, it opens the doors for guys who may only be two-time or even one-time career All-Stars. So, with my guidelines in place, here are your 2006-2007 NBA All-Star Teams from top to bottom.

* This just in, Shaquille O’Neal has been voted onto another All-Star team, playing four games and averaging 12 points and 7 boards this season, while spending most of his time as a volunteer cop with the Miami Beach Police. That’s horrible. For that, I have a new rule the NBA should consider. No more handing out All-Star ballots at team arenas. I am pretty sure this is the reason why a guy like Shaq is getting voted in, most likely by ignorant, avid fans who probably don’t even know that they are voting for someone who could be dead as far they’re considered. A huge majority of people who go to games are not true fans of the NBA, but rather rich white people who would probably rather watch Dancing with the Stars or The Hills instead of a Suns vs. Cavs game on any given night. These people shouldn’t have any say in who makes the All-Star game. Please, leave it to the die-hard dorks like me who vote online.

Eastern Conference All Star Team

PG- Gilbert Arenas
SG- Dwayne Wade
C- Dwight Howard
PF- Jermaine O’Neal
SF- LeBron James

Reserves
Chris Bosh
Caron Butler
Antawn Jamison
Chauncey Billups
Jason Kidd
Vince Carter
Michael Redd

Western Conference All Star Team

PG- Steve Nash
SG- Kobe Bryant
SF- Kevin Garnett
PF- Dirk Nowitzki
C- Amare Stoudamire

Reserves
Shawn Marion
Carlos Boozer
Tim Duncan
Baron Davis
Tracy McGrady
Allen Iverson
Elton Brand*

* Brand (who I originally snubbed for the Clippers disappointing start) is a replacement for Yao Ming, who I consider an exception to the rule due to his amazing season prior to the early December injury, which has officially sidelined him from the All-Star game.

Snubs: Some further clarification on a few other guys who didn’t make the cut and why.

The guy’s who are always there:

Paul Pierce: This was definitely the hardest omission to make from the list. But “the Truth” had two big strikes against him. He has missed 17 games due to injury, and his Celtics are currently fighting with the Sixers to be cellar dwellers in the Atlantic Conference (a division I will get to later). This is reason enough to give Caron his spot.

Ray Allen: This is another case of a team’s overall performance having an effect on my decision. In my opinion, Allen has already made enough All-star teams, six, to equate his talent and productivity in the league.

Ben Wallace: He’s doing what he does every year, though his rebound total has dipped. And aside from Chicago’s slow start, I’m sorry it’s just hard to call a guy who averages six points a game an All-star.

The guys who are a few years away:

Emeka Okafor: It’s always hard to pick big men to fill out reserve spots in the East, so if the Bobcats could just stop sucking so much, Okafor would really ease the situation. He is a defensive and rebounding beast, and is constantly improving his scoring average.

Deron Williams: On the contrary, while it’s hard to grab a guard spot on the Western Conference squad, in a few years it will simply be impossible to ignore Williams. He is having a breakout sophomore year, and really starting to mirror J Kidd. Who knows, maybe Baron Davis will return to his back-spasm ways next year.

Josh Howard: Who would have ever thought that Howard, a guy Dallas took with the last pick of the first round in 2003, would eventually play second fiddle to Dirk Nowitzki. Everyone pegged his as just an energy guy, but he is proving to be a great scorer, defender and rebounder for his size.

Other future All-Stars: Joe Johnson, Kevin Martin, Luol Deng, David West

OK, well as the controversy settles in with those selections it’s time to dish out a few mid-season awards.

The Mid Season MVP is…Dirk Nowitzki, the other white meat

Sigh, it’s getting harder and harder to avoid writing homoerotic expressions in my columns, but I think it fit just a little to well in this case. For the past two years since he left Dallas to rejuvenate the Phoenix franchise, Steve Nash has emerged from a solid, underrated point guard to an elite two-time league MVP, and the subject of widespread controversy. There are a lot of things the 6”3 Canadian native looks like from first glance. One is a soccer player. The other may be a substitute social studies teacher who drives a Nissan Xterra. Nonetheless, the one thing he doesn’t most commonly resemble is a two-time NBA MVP. Neither did Larry Bird for that matter, who won three straight awards. Racial questions aside, I supported both MVP selections for Nash, a player who invigorated a falling franchise by making his teammates better.

But now I think we have all fallen into a trap where as long as Nash keeps his numbers up, and the Suns continue to dominate the regular season, he will automatically be the frontrunner for the award. My problem with that is simple. It definitely applied to Jordan, who turned those regular season MVP’s into NBA finals MVP’s, but Nash hasn’t even take his team to a championship. One guy who did however is Dirk Nowitzki, the other white meat. I don’t want to say that people necessarily forgot about this guy, but ever since his split with Nash, Dirk has led the Mavs to equal success in the regular season and greater success in the post season. Plus, he does not have as talented a supporting cast as Nash, considering the Suns have three proven All-Stars while Dirk stands alone on a team of great role players.

At the same time, like Nash, Dirk also makes his teammates better. Not in the same way as a point guard who dishes 11 dimes a game, but by drawing doubles teams, and running the same pick and rolls with guys like Terry, Harris and Howard that he was so successful at with his shorter Canadian friend. While Nash is having his best season to date, scoring more and shooting lights out from everywhere (.536 fg, ,500 3pt, ,873 ft), I think its time for Dirk to get his due. He has the same impressive stats he puts up every season, only this year he’s got a much bigger chip on his shoulder from blowing that 2-0 lead in the Finals. So there you have it. I replaced one white NBA MVP with another. There are these two other guys though…

Best Feud of the Year…The Black Mamba vs. Agent Zero in: The Battle of the Ego-Driven Ball Hogs!

Kobe set the standard for pretending your teammates are invisible last year when he dropped 81 points on the Raptors, the second highest singe game total of all time. While some people, like Vince Carter and Pat Riley, spoke out against the exclusive accomplishment, I for one defended Kobe. In a column last year, I mentioned that he scored his 81 in a winning effort, a game in which the Lakers were down in the second half, and Kobe single-handedly had to win it for them (I think I said something along the lines of, when you’re on fire like that, why would you pass the ball to Von Wafer?)

So earlier this season, in a great overtime game where Gilbert Arenas dropped 60 points on the Lakers in a win, I was a bit shocked to hear Kobe (who scored 45) respond to Gil’s stat sheet with such blatant hypocrisy. Kobe referred to Arenas as having “no conscience” and that most of his shots were bad shots. In response, Arenas who spent the earlier half of the season yelling hibachi when he started to heat up on the court, decided to instead proclaim “quality shots” after every bucket he felt met the description. Now I don’t know if Kobe was jealous of Gilbert for showing him up, but for a guy who scored 81 points with only two assists, to attack a guy’s conscience for dropping 60 is pretty comical to me. By the way, Agent Zero had eight assists in that game.

Another interesting development in this budding feud is Gil’s publicized animosity of Duke Coach Mike Krzyzewski, for cutting him from the 2008 Olympic Team. Arenas recently said he would love to go back to college for one day, just to unleash on the Blue Devils, who coincidentally beat his Arizona Team in the NCAA championship. Arenas had this to say specifically, "One college game, that's five fouls, right? 40-minute game at Duke, they got soft rims. I'd probably score 84 or 85. I wouldn't pass the ball.” Well, so much for Arenas being the bigger man. Plus Kobe is very close with coach K, who he would have played for at Duke if he opted for college. I can only imagine what it’s going to be like when these two guys square off again on Feb. 3 in D.C. I can picture Arenas uttering one “quality shots!” and setting off Kobe to counter with something like “precise form!” Eventually they’re both going to grab their own ball, and stand at opposite ends of court, heaving up shots and yelling things like “eloquent follow-through!” and “impeccable swish,” leaving Luke Walton to scratch his head and ask the ref what is going on. I could see it now.

That’s all for now, look for part 2 with an extended award list in a few days, with a special category for everybody’s favorite New York Knicks.

They came, they saw, they choked

2007-01-19T15:56:00.000-05:00

This matchup is so beautiful, it makes me think football is fixed.

(Back for another round is guest-Jew "Gaba-gooz," who was practically on point with his preview of last week's Pats-Bolts game. This time around it's the preview of the AFC title game)

For the second time in four years, the Indianapolis Colts will square off against the New England Patriots for the AFC crown (Pats won 24-14 in 2003). Last week the Colts and Pats upset the Ravens and Chargers, respectively, and anyone who’s not a Ravens or Chargers fan should be loving this. Even some Jets fans might enjoy this game. It’s really amazing how the playoffs create such voids in head coaches' brains, especially Marty Schottenheimer. I’m not happy to be a Giants fan right now, but I’m really happy not to be a Chargers fan right now. So please excuse this brief rant; it needs to be done.

Marty, my man, why the hell did your offensive coaches run more passing plays than running plays? Are they insane? Is Bill Belichick really in your head that much? Did he take your green notebook with all of your plays in it? Here we go, there’s 4:30 left in the game, and the score is tied 21-21. The game is the hands of your offensive staff, and you have the best player in football on your team. It’s 1st and 10, and Tomlinson runs for five yards. LIKE HE DID ALL GAME. Now it’s 2nd and 5, and Rivers throws? Incomplete pass to Vincent Jackson, now it’s 3rd and 5. Let’s throw again Phil! This time it’s an incomplete pass to Eric Parker, who had already dropped a few passes and muffed a punt. This forced a punt, and put the game in the hands of possibly the most clutch football player alive. Seriously, I think there is something very wrong with you. And in your defense all you can say is, "I don't call the plays." Well guess what, any coach with half a brain would step up and make sure that Tomlinson had the ball in that situation. I don't care if you've "entrusted" the play-calling to someone else, put a head-set on! Your wide receivers were playing like “Hot Hands” from Little Giants all game. Rivers was better off throwing toilet paper! Did you not realize that all of your touchdowns were on the ground? I can understand throwing on 3rd and 5, but shouldn’t the play be designed for your only sure-handed receiver, Antonio Gates? Or maybe a pass to Tomlinson, who had the game-high for San Diego in receiving yards because he’s God? You are a joke Marty. I’d rather have Tom Coughlin than you. Okay I didn’t mean that…I’m sorry. But seriously, I’d rather have Rick Moranis than you.

Anyway, I found this stat very interesting: B-more and San Diego were a combined 15-1 at home this year, and they both lost. Unbelievable. In case Pittsburgh didn't prove it last year, now everyone knows that although homefield advantage helps (NFL ranks #1 in professional sports in terms of the importance of homefield advantage), it isn't everything: You still need to play well to win. So now Peyton Manning, our generation’s Dan Marino, is fighting for his first Super Bowl appearance, while Tom Brady, our generation’s Joe Montana, is trying to win his fourth Super Bowl in six years. The Colts are 0-2 against the Pats in the playoffs since 2003 (also lost 20-3 in the Divisionals in 2004), mainly because Manning has been unable to adapt to Bill Belichick’s defensive schemes, mixed with a few plays that simply didn't go the Colts' way. However the last time the two teams faced was Week 9 this season, and the Colts won 27-20 in New England. They also played in 2005 in Week 9, and Indy won in New England 40-21. With that said let's see the in-game matchups...

Dungy vs. Belichick...Belichick vs. Dungy...another chess match in the playoffs. Their past two playoff chess matches have been like Bobby Fisher vs. Helen Keller. Basically, there is no way Dungy will ever come close to being compared to Belichick. But, and if I may reference Little Giants again, all it takes is “One Time.” That’s all you need Tony. Nobody will care about the past if you can take this one down. Everyone will forget about your Marty-esque games. And not only are the Colts playing in the RCA Dome, there’s something different about this Colts team: No one expected them to get this far. Over the past few years, the Colts have been the enormous favorite, and they always choked. Going into the playoffs this year, I didn’t hear too many people saying, “Indy’s definitely going to win the Super Bowl. This is Peyton’s year.” Pretty much everyone had the Chargers vs. Ravens in the AFC Championship, so now everyone is surprised to see Indy in it as opposed to expecting them to be in it.

Tom Brady vs. Indy’s D: Tom Brady better have taken his O-line out for a lobster dinner, because they did an impeccable job against San Diego’s awesome defense. Seriously…Bravo. The defense sacked Brady only twice (led the league in the regular season with 61), and if I recall correctly, Shawne Merriman only did his “epilepsy dance” once. And if Brady’s O-line got a lobster dinner, then Troy Brown better have gotten to sleep with Brady’s wife, because he saved the game. (I’m too lazy to check if Brady’s married or not. If he isn’t, then Troy Brown gets to sleep with her whenever he does.) When Brady threw that interception to Marlon McCree, down by 8 with six and a half minutes left in the fourth quarter, the game was most likely over. But Troy Brown stripping that ball and Reche Caldwell recovering it saved the season, along with avoiding media comments such as, “Brady isn’t as clutch as he used to be.” [Sports Jew note, Brady is single, but recently broke up with actress Bridget Moynahan]

Blocking up front will once again be essential for the Pats to win this game. Indy’s free safety Bob Sanders is one of the best players on the field and they need to contain him. Defensive end Dwight Freeney’s first step is quicker than anybody’s, and Belichick knows that if he starts getting pressure on Brady consistently, it’s going to be a long day. All of a sudden, Indy’s run defense has been unflappable, but Belichick is too good of a coach for that to happen to the Pats. Last week, the passing game was the most important aspect of the offensive gameplan. (21 rushes, 51 passes) This week, the running game will be the main focus for New England. Indy’s front seven is more speed than strength, so expect Corey Dillon to get more redzone carries (Week 9 vs. Indy Dillon had 2 TD’s, a one-yarder and a four-yarder). Maroney is obviously faster than Dillon, averaging 4.8 yards per carry on 13 carries during their last meeting, and is certainly no weakling at 5’11, 220 lbs. I love how Kevin Faulk gets incorporated into the offense, and Belichick will continue to use him in key situations. New England wideouts Reche Caldwell and Jabar Gaffney stepped it up last game, and that’s a big reason why the Pats were able to come out with a victory. In this game Brady will still need them, but expect more passes to be thrown to the tight ends. Dungy will be anticipating the deep ball, so I doubt there will be too many shots down field. The short passes will be prevalent, and they are necessary for Brady to move the ball if the running game stalls. Brady made the plays last week when he absolutely needed to, but overall did not play a good game. He is known for his uncanny ability to rebound from bad games; so forget throwing three interceptions, he may not even throw one.

Key matchup - Peyton Manning vs. New England’s D: Peyton Manning…here we go again. There has never been more pressure on Peyton Manning in his entire life. He is now 5-6 career in the playoffs, and he knows if he plays the way he did the last two weeks, he'll be 5-7. He managed the game well last week in Baltimore, but he's going to need a little more than that to win this game. He needs to get in the end zone, but everybody knows that. He needs to read the defense better and not make any "Playoff Peyton Passes," but everybody knows that. He needs to get the ball in Reggie Wayne's hands, and not everybody knows that. Marvin Harrison will probably have a good game, because he’s Marvin. However cornerback Asante Samuel is playing the best football of his life, and he’s not leaving Marvin’s side for one second. That is why, REGGIE WAYNE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PLAYER IN THIS FOOTBALL GAME. If Reggie Wayne has a big game, the Colts will win this game. Tight end Dallas Clark has stepped up big time as of late, and he is definitely an offensive threat, as well as an excellent decoy. Clark will have an okay game, but nothing extraordinary. Look how well the Pats’ D guarded Antonio Gates last week: 6 catches for 61 yards, and Clark isn’t a freak of nature like Gates, and Rodney Harrison is playing this week (at way less than 100%). How are the Patriots going to stop Reggie Wayne? Ellis Hobbs? Artrell Hawkins? Their zone defense needs to be near perfect because Wayne is going to be a handful, and Peyton is no stranger to Belichick's defensive disguises. Reggie Wayne would be the No. 1 receiver on any other team in the league except for Cincinnati and St. Louis…remember that. [Sports Jew note, how about Carolina? Are we forgetting Steve Smith Gaba-gooz? Oh, how quickly we forget]

Back to Peyton Manning; it’s really mind boggling how someone this good could be this average in the playoffs every year. (This year, 101.0 rating in the regular season, 58.3 in the playoffs.) It’s like he turns into Jell-O every time the postseason rolls around. He's bound to have one good game...right? So as always, Peyton will come out firing, putting the pressure on the defense early. The Pats definitely don’t want a shootout in the RCA Dome, so like all teams their goal is to rush the pocket, forcing him to make tough passes on the run. If that happens, Joseph Addai will need to get going early. The Colts will have a pass-first game plan, but if Addai can take one of their legs out early and Peyton starts playing like his regular season self, the Colts are almost impossible to beat. Remember the Pats are the type of team that hang around all game, then crush you in the fourth quarter. If Peyton can get himself a 14-point cushion in the first half, there will be problems for the Pats.

Special teams: Don’t forget Adam Vinatieri is on the Colts; not only has he never missed a kick in the RCA Dome in his career, he just came off the game of his life (five field goals in Baltimore). He could be a big factor in this game, as he has a knack for big time kicks. Pats rookie kicker Stephen Gostowski has been lights-out in the playoffs, and he has a lot to prove. In spite of this, I don't think kicking will make or break the outcome of this game. [Sports jew note, I totally agree. Everyone is making such a big emphasis on kicking, when game-ending field goals are really a matter of chance]

X factor: Tom Brady is a winner, period. He doesn't just own Peyton Manning, he owns everybody in the league. And no matter what happens Sunday, Brady will always be a winner. Him and Peyton have quite a history, but I don't think Brady cares who he plays...he just wants to win. Peyton on the other hand HATES Brady. I don't care what people say, he has to hate him, and there's nothing he wants more than to run the Patriots into the ground on the way to a championship. Peyton has been blessed with what may be his last chance to crush Brady in the playoffs, and he knows it. He has been looking forward to this moment for years, and now the moment has come. So here it is: Peyton Manning is going to run amuck on New England's defense and Brady will be watching the Super Bowl in his mansion. The dynasty is over, but don't worry Brady: "You still got the best arm in the neighborhood."

Prediction: Indianapolis 38 New England 17

Michael Vick attempts to smuggle a chunk of resin onto airplane: stoner population shakes heads in disillusionment

2007-01-18T22:26:00.000-05:00

News out of Florida today reports that Michael Vick (aka Ron Mexico to all you ladies out there) was stopped at Miami International Airport yesterday, for refusing to hand over a bottle of water to security. And apparently, the bottle had a strong smell of the ganj. I’m still not exactly sure what he was attempting to smuggle onboard, but here's what I read in a story on ESPN.com.

“The bottle was found to have a compartment that contained "a small amount of dark particulate and a pungent aroma closely associated with marijuana," a Miami police report said. The compartment was hidden by the bottle's label so that it appeared to be a full bottle of water when held upright, police said.”

OK, first off, you’re not supposed to bring bottles of liquid on airplanes anymore ever since that security scare last year, in which the FAA discovered that terrorists could mix substances on planes, and cause explosions. So right off the bat, Vick was ignorantly attempting to do something illegal, marijuana aside. But the fact that he brought attention to a bottle that he was attempting to smuggle weed in is so beyond rational thinking that I’m really starting to wonder what is wrong with this guy. Did he think he was MacGyver with this little special compartment that he whizzed up? Better question, how high off his ass was he when making it?

And from what it sounds like, “a small amount of dark particulate” most likely means that what he had was resin (burnt weed, for all you straight-edged readers). So that means that Michael Vick, traveling back to Atlanta where he probably has a weed supply similar to Uncle Scrooge’s money pool in Ducktales, smuggled a chunk of resin (which smells ten times stronger than fresh weed) onto an airplane in a water bottle, when the Poland Spring alone wouldn’t have made it on board. All I can say is…wow. This tops Damon Stoudamire as the stupidest NBA related crime of all time. For all of you who forgot, the current Grizzlies guard decided that the best way to smuggle over 100 grams of weed through an airport metal detector was to conveniently wrap it in aluminum foil, and stuff it in his North Face pocket. I wonder how Damon would have performed on the Wonderlic test.

While Vick hasn’t been charged yet, and the content of his mystery bottle could take over a month to determine (for reasons I have no idea why), this guy is really stumbling and fast. He’s underachieving on the field and getting into a bunch of really random law run-ins off of it. Vick, you need to straighten up and fly right, or some guy named Matt Schaub is going to take your job. He’s actually starting to make his brother Marcus look like the normal one, who I know best for giving porno tapes to under-aged girls and pulling a gun out on people in a McDonalds parking lot (classy). I really was a big fan of Vick’s early in his career, but it officially seems that all hope is lost in him. He simply does not have his head on straight.

"From the Perfect Storm to the Perfect Season"

2007-01-18T01:10:00.000-05:00

(Note to reader, what was supposed to be an NFC title game preview turned into a brilliant piece on the 2006-07 Saints…and an NFC title game preview. I simply can’t help myself sometimes. Look out tomorrow for the AFC preview by guest-Jew Gaba-gooz.)

When I first read that the Houston Texans were even considering drafting someone other than Reggie Bush with the first pick of last year’s draft, I couldn’t fathom that such a desperately bad franchise would make such a blunder on such a no-brainer. But when it became close-to-official in the days leading up to the draft that they were taking Mario Williams (and this is because in the NFL, players practically sign with teams even before the first pick is announced), I tried to find a good reason why the Texans were passing on such a phenom in Bush.

For starters, taking a defensive end with the first pick is never a wise choice, because it’s simply not an “impact position” in my view. While the best of them (Seymour, Peppers, Freeney) are ridiculous athletes, they basically make a few “impact” plays a game, and at best put pressure on weak offensive lines and old white quarterbacks (see Mark Brunell weeks 1-6). And they usually thrive the most in pairs, as in teams with two great ends (Giants, Colts, Panthers) attacking from both sides. But I’m getting really off-base here - because it doesn’t matter who the Texans picked, just that they didn’t pick Bush. They needed a sure thing, and even if his all-around offensive prowess wasn’t enough to entice them, his marketability definitely should have. They are a young franchise in need of a star savior, and in the simplest terms…they fucked up big time.

One team who didn’t fuck up big time was the New Orleans Saints, which brings me closer to my preview of this weekend’s NFC title game (a bit of a delayed intro I know, and it will probably read more like a 2006 Saints biography). In my mind, and probably in those of many others, the team had three key off-season acquisitions. The first was the hiring of head coach Sean Payton, exactly one year ago to this day. The next came in March when they signed Drew Brees as their new starting quarterback. For the most part, both moves went unnoticed. More hype was surrounding around the nearby Dolphins, who passed on Brees for Daunte Culpepper and were supposed to host the Super Bowl this year, and blah-blah-blah…I’m sure you’ve all heard this a thousand times already. For those who didn’t, basically, every Saints move panned out very well, and two teams (Miami and Houston) came out looking like morons.

But what most people fail to realize (at least when I look at it) is how important Bush was to this Saints season, and you have to look at this from a Hurricane Katrina perspective, because it’s simply impossible not to. For a city that turned their football stadium into a makeshift homeless shelter/riot field/morgue last season; jeez, I dunno…I think they needed something BIG to happen to get them back into Saints football for ’06. And unfortunately, the Payton and Brees signings, albeit how incredibly successful they have both been, did not create that initial effect when either happened. A lot of it may have to do with the fact that New Orleans is a predominantly black city, which I’m sure welcomed the addition of their new coach and quarterback, but were probably not jumping out of their seats over them either. Brees was coming of an injury, and I’m pretty sure most people in New Orleans didn’t even know who Sean Peyton was (I’ll admit, neither did I).

But when the Texans executed the “Sam Bowie Move of Football” on draft day 2006, the disparaged fans of the Big Easy knew they would get the savior they were looking for at pick no. 2, and in the biggest case of “sports-politics” irony ever…his name was Bush. But unlike the President, this Bush gave them hope. I adamantly believe that the addition of Bush to the Saints, the mass production and sale of Bush jerseys all along the Bayou, and the excitement created around the home debut of the most exciting player to hit the NFL in years, all helped create the epic atmosphere in the Superdome on Sept. 25 against the Falcons. It was the first game in the dome since Katrina, and the highlight of the perfect season that overcame the perfect storm.

Obviously, I watched the game from beginning to end, even the grand pre-game musical number I usually avoid, because I knew it was going to be special. Green Day did a great job performing “Wake me up when September ends,” a song title that rang so true with what the fans went through just one year ago in the same month. In fact, I never even liked the song until I heard them perform it that night, it truly blew me away. But while watching, I began to sense that something (or someone) was lurking in the background, ready to take the stage. I should have figured it would have happened, what with a huge global cause like Katrina, and a perfect venue for a celebrity humanitarian to reach the masses, in Monday Night Football. It was like in Jurassic Park when the T-rex comes, but instead of the vibrations it was those whiny vibratos. And then…it happened. Bono hit the stage. He crept in and performed a stirring duet of the “House of the Rising Sun” with Billy Joe of Green Day, and I got to say I was still really moved. Nonetheless, I needed football to start immediately.

And what a game it was. With the crowd roaring (and not in a monstrous Raiders way, but more of a euphoric Bourbon street way) the Saints forced a three and out on their first defensive stand. Everyone knows what came next, the Saints blocked a punt, turned it into six points, and never looked back. It has truly been a remarkable year for the team, with Brees looking like Marino (once again the fact that the DOLPHINS turned him down only adds another ironic twist to this story) and Peyton doing everything right, including making a once laughable defense respectable. But I really believe that the drafting of Bush, a fluke chance that never even should have been given to the Saints, was the biggest factor in getting New Orleans back into football. And his season stats (9 touchdowns, 88 catches and over 1,300 yards from scrimmage) definitely didn’t hurt.

New Orleans Saints at Chicago Bears (Bears -2)

The Saints are really going to have to make this their type of football game if they want to come out on top; that being a high scoring game. The problem is they are facing a team that likes to control the game with defense, and at their home turf in the cold Chicago air (it will be a lot different than the dome for sure). Another problem is the Saints haven’t faired too well against tough defenses this season, with losses against the Redskins, Panthers, Steelers and Ravens. For them to have the upper hand in this game, the score will need to be in the 20’s, even though the same scenario didn’t prove true in some losses this year (case in point: final score in Baltimore game, Ravens 35- Saints 22).

But the fact of the matter is this, the Bears have not been playing like a dominant defense lately, not last week against Seattle or during the last third of the regular season. A big reason for that has been injuries, especially to run blocking tackle Tommy Harris. Without him, teams have been able to exploit the Bears rushing defense by gouging through the middle, something the Saints can easily do with Deuce McAllister (you know, the guy Bush still backs up, who ran for over 1,000 yards and ten touchdowns this year). This will allow Bush to be a decoy, and either have a decently productive day or a monster one. And all at the same time, Brees must be patient and not create turnovers for his team. I have a lot of faith in him for this game because he has been performing so well all season, and as long as he sticks to the game plan, there is no reason for him to choke now.

And in my view, the Saints game plan should focus on establishing the run early, to set up big passing plays. If the Saints execute well on offense, all they will need to do is rattle Rex Grossman (who I’m pretty sure my dad thinks is Jewish), something that many teams have had success with this year. In order for that to happen, the Saints defense will need to make some big plays, but most importantly take away the run and force Grossman to match drives with Brees (I’ll take Brees in that match-up). The bottom line is this, if the Saints can play like the team that won 10 games this season, the combination of Chicago’s glaring injury on defense should be more than enough for a win, and the first Super Bowl berth in N’awlins. The Saints are marching to Miami. Book it.

That's the way it all became "The Brady Hunch"

2007-01-11T16:53:00.000-05:00

(From time to time, I will allow a certain distinguished amount of "guest Jews" to contribute to the blog, with their own scribblings on sports. For my first "guest" spot, my good friend Gabel (I like to call him Gaba-gooz) has written an in-depth piece on this weekend's biggest matchup, Pats vs Bolts. It is really good I must say, chocked-full with football analysis (which I love) and of course, one totally irrelevent Dumb and Dumber reference. Enjoy!)

I would have loved to write about my New York Giants, but unfortunately they have the discipline of a kindergarten class. What's even worse is Tom Coughlin is coming back next year. What's even worse than that is the fact that I have to admit Jeff Garcia owns us. He's officially reached my top 5 athletes I hate the most. It would have been better to be a Jets fan this year, and very rarely do I say it's better to be a Jets fan. I'm not big on the Jets, however they deserve a lot of credit for playing the way they did in the regular season, and it would have been nice to see them advance to the Divisionals. So due to the early departed in the Empire State, I decided to write about the most exciting game this weekend: The New England Patriots vs. The San Diego Chargers.

The Chargers, clearly the best team in football this year, are loaded on both sides of the ball, with Zeus (LaDainian Tomlinson) at running back, Juggernaut (Lorenzo Neal) blocking for him at fullback, QB Phillip Rivers coming off a Pro Bowl year (I can't think of a good name for him), just a freak in Antonio Gates at tight end, and a top-notch linebacking core led by Colossus (Shawne Merriman), who led the NFL in sacks (17) despite missing four games. At the same time, the Pats seem to have a solid D no matter who gets injured, an offense of mostly no-names that play well as a team, and they have Superman (Tom Brady) at QB and Professor X (Bill Belichick) head coaching. And in case you haven't been watching football for the last six years, it's not too smart to bet against the Patriots in the playoffs. The Pats have an incredible amount of momentum, winning seven out of their last eight after they out-played the Jets, and Bill Belichick out-coached Eric “I still have baby fat in my 30’s” Mangini. Doesn’t Mangini look like one of those kids who went to college when they were 12? Anyway, last week the Pats’ defense came up with big plays when they needed to, and if Brady repeats his performance it’s near impossible for the Pats to lose. However with home field advantage, fresh off a bye week, LaDainian Tomlinson and a 10-game winning streak (undefeated at home this year), the Chargers are the clear favorite. And the last time the teams faced was in 2005, when San Diego went to New England and destroyed them 41-17, ending the Pats' 21-game home winning streak. But if you look at how the teams match up in 2006, considering it’s a playoff game, an upset is quite a possibility. But would it really be an upset?

First you have the head coaches: One who is famous for winning the big game and one who is infamous for losing the big game. Belichick has probably spent more hours watching Chargers game film than Bill Simmons has watching Rocky movies. You better believe the ingenious head coach has come up with tons of schemes to stop the run, and he has a disciplined defense that can execute (sixth in the NFL in total defense). No one can stop Tomlinson, but the defense just needs to prevent a monster day. There is more pressure on Marty Schottenheimer than ever, because this is his last chance to redeem himself and show everyone he's not a goat. (When I associate Marty with redeeming himself, I can’t help thinking of the “Dumb and Dumber” scene when Harry [Jeff Daniels] and Lloyd [Jim Carrey] get lost and Lloyd mysteriously gets that motorcycle: “Just when I thought you couldn’t get any dumber, you go and do something like this….AND TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF!”) Both head coaches have a myriad of playoff experience, but their success is so lopsided it’s laughable. (Belichick 11-2, Schottenheimer 5-12) Just ask yourself this: If either team’s game plan is disrupted, which coach is more likely able to adjust?

Brady vs. San Diego’s D: The second-most important match-up of this game. The Chargers’ front seven is among the best in the league, with a superb combination of speed and power. Not since the real LT have we seen a linebacker in Shawn Merriman that can sack a quarterback at will. Brady’s dinky six-yard and screen passes aren’t going to work as well against these speedy linebackers, so expect him to use more of the field. The secondary led by Quentin Jammer are excellent tacklers as well, so the deep ball will be the biggest difference maker for Brady. If the Patriots are to put up points, wideouts Reche Caldwell (very underrated), Jabar Gaffney and tight end Ben Watson need to step up. You would also be naïve to think Belichick doesn’t have a few offensive tricks up his sleeve. However if Brady doesn’t execute early and the crowd starts to get louder, the game could turn into a blowout fast.
In every game all you hear is, “In order to win they have to establish the run.” This is not true for this game, because there won't be much of a running game for New England. San Diego's rush defense was 7th in the league this year. Corey Dillon can’t even outrun Gilbert Brown, and even with a few holes provided by the O-line, he will be lucky if he can get five yards on one of his 8-10 carries. Dillon’s game is based on his power, which is inferior to the Chargers’ front seven. Lawrence Maroney always has potential for a big game, but with the linebackers’ speed, he won’t rush for any more than 70-80 yards. Running back Kevin Faulk played very well last week and can execute screens well, but again can't compete with San Diego's front seven. Because of this, all the pressure will be on the passing game. In order for the Pats to win, the O-line must contain the linebackers. Dillon, Maroney and Faulk have to stick their blocks; if Brady can get enough time to throw, putting him in a rhythm, he will be tough to contain. Like I said, all the pressure is on Tom Brady. But who else would you want the pressure to be on? The problem is, the Pats won’t score 37 points again and 21 points may not cut it in San Diego.

The most important match-up: Phillip Rivers vs. New England’s D: As previously mentioned, Belichick will come up with defensive schemes for Zeus (if you don’t get the nickname, it’s because Zeus is the king of all gods who throws lightning bolts. Chargers…lighting bolts…get it? Whatever it beats LT), however as clever as Belichick is, it’s hard to stop the eventual best running back of all time. At the same time LDT is human; don’t forget in their first six games this season Tomlinson rushed for 100 yards only once, and the Chargers lost two of those games. That is why Rivers needs to be big. More focus may be on Tomlinson, but Phillip Rivers is the single most important person in this football game. The D-line needs to get pressure on Rivers early because if he gets rattled, it will be tough to come back. Rivers has come off a stellar year, with statistics showing that he gets better towards the end of the game (116.6 QB rating in the 4th quarter). But that doesn't matter anymore; regular season stats don't mean anything once the playoffs roll around. The best of the best in the regular season often collapse, and those you would never expect to shine. If Rivers gets in his own head, Antonio Gates will ultimately be ineffective, who is vital for Rivers' passing game, especially with Rodney Harrison out. The Chargers’ wide receivers are above average, but the Pats’ secondary jump routes very well, and are even better at disguising it. Did you see Asante Samuel’s interception on Pennington last week? Brilliant defense. The Pats' linebackers are deceptive, so expect them to confuse Rivers a little bit. That’s where the offensive coaches are very important. THEY NEED TO KEEP RIVERS CALM. If he makes a mistake, he can’t get down on himself. The Pats’ D is ferocious. If they smell a weakness, they will exploit it all day until you can fix it. And in the playoffs, that's not easy to do, unless of course you're Frank Reich, or Jeff Garcia (God I hate him).

Rivers has to manage the game. That’s the most important quality in a quarterback. With the talent on his team he doesn’t need to play like an all-star. Look at Trent Dilfer in 2000, Brad Johnson in 2002, Rothlesberger last year…why did they win the Super Bowl? Yes their defenses were almost flawless, but besides that, they all did a masterful job at simply managing the game, keeping they’re composure. No turnovers. Another reason why Rivers vs. New England’s D is a more important matchup is because of his playoff experience. This is Rivers' first playoff start, so throw his QB rating out the window. Everyone knows what Brady is going to do, everyone knows what Tomlinson is going to do, but no one knows what Rivers is going to do. The Chargers must jump out early, because once the fourth quarter rolls around, do you really want to give Brady a chance to win the game?

In attempting to predict which team will win, I ask myself one question: Which team is more likely to play mistake-free football? There is nothing more valuable than experience, and New England has a great deal of it. This Chargers team might be amazing, but it’s extremely difficult to play like a 14-2 team in the playoffs. Only twice in each of the two conferences have the No. 1 seeds won the Super Bowl in the past 10 years.

What will ultimately decide the outcome of this game? Turnovers. Whoever turns the ball over more will lose. Both teams will thrive on good field position, especially San Diego. The Pats can ill-afford a turnover putting San Diego at their 30 yard line. Both teams have solid kickers, but if San Diego gets in the red zone…it’s probably a touchdown. All Rivers has to do is throw it up to Gates, or hand it off to Zeus. But when looking at Rivers' stats, I found it very interesting that out of his 22 touchdown passes, zero were over the middle. Belichick knows this I'm sure, and in a redzone situation the defense may force Rivers to throw there. The Chargers have an awesome defense but if you give Brady a short field in a must-score situation, odds are he’ll pick you apart. In the battle of on-field talent the Chargers dominate, but because of Belichick, you cannot count the Pats out…he has a knack for bringing out the best in his team, obviously. Oh yeah one more thing, in case you didn’t know, Tom Brady has thrown five interceptions in 367 pass attempts in the playoffs.

Prediction: Tomlinson will have a solid game, but Rivers will not play up to par. Special teams should not be overlooked in any football game, and as I said before, field position very important. Also be mindful of the fact that Brady and Bill are 11-1 in the playoffs together, and although Brady doesn't have anything to prove, Rivers got voted into the Pro Bowl over him.

Final Score: New England 27 San Diego 24

THE MAN-GENIUS VS. BELI-BITCH…ROUND 3:

2007-01-05T00:55:00.000-05:00

NFL Wildcard Weekend Playoff Preview

I begin this, my highly anticipated (words “highly” and “anticipated” in question) NFL Wildcard Weekend preview with an amendment of sorts, for the nickname I use to describe one Eric Mangini. In previous columns I referred to the Jets rookie coach as “Mangina,” a term first introduced to this world in the critically acclaimed Oscar winning film, “Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo.” Early on, my friend rebuffed my immature sense of humor, questioning as to why I would use such a demoralizing nickname for a man who has done so much for me. Well now, four days after the Jets, a team I had lower expectations for than the film “Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause,” have clinched a playoff berth, it is now time to eradicate Mangina, and crown…”THE MAN-GENIUS!”

OK, I didn’t come up with that one, and I’m still curious as to who initially did, but there is no better way to dub the chubby first-year coach. Heading into a playoff hunt with four teams (Bengals, Broncos, Chiefs and Jaguars) who all had much better pre-season prognosis’s, I knew the Jets would have to win out. After losing to Buffalo, a lot of people, like my horribly pessimistic father, lost hope. I didn’t. They were still in great mathematical shape, and had smooth sailings ahead, in regards to their schedule. Take two straight wins and a couple of Jacksonville losses, and the Jets did what nobody thought was possible. Well, except for the Man-Genius of course.

I have a gut feeling he knew from the get-go that with his team’s schedule, good health (minus Curtis Martin) and staggeringly low expectations, that a respectable season was possible. The Jets 2006-07 campaign has far superseded that. I have never been more proud of any of my sports teams, and the way they progressively matured and played better throughout the season is totally indicative of their coaching. In no other sport can you say this. I love Willie Randolph, but I don’t think him sitting on his ass, eating ranch flavored sunflower seeds while signaling Chad Bradford into the game is anywhere near what Man-Genius and his coaching staff have accomplished this year.

But enough Jets-jocking, because I can go on for days. It is time for the predictions. First, the non-New York Saturday games which I am slowly caring a lot less about…

Kansas City Chiefs at Indianapolis Colts (Colts -7)

So the Chiefs are in the Playoffs after an upsetting Sunday for the Denver Broncos, which saw their playoff hopes get crushed, followed by the tragic death of cornerback Darrent Williams. That means Herman Edwards, the Jets former coach, has now gotten another team into the playoffs in his first year with the team. It also pits him against his former mentor and head coach in Tony Dungy (the two previously worked together in Tampa), yet this match-up isn’t receiving nearly as much scrutiny as Man-Genius/Beli-Bitch.

This is probably because of the glaring match-up that is just too obvious not to exploit, that being Larry Johnson vs. Indy’s run defense. If you haven’t been following the Colts this year, let me fill you in a little on their Swiss cheese D, as Walt Frazier loves to call it. I compare their run defense best to those big paper banners players run through at the start of every game, that tear and break-apart easily upon contact. That’s the Colts front seven. They are almost as ineffective as a sheet of paper. Thick expensive paper I assume, but paper nonetheless. Need an example? In Week 16, they let Ron Dayne go for 153 yards and two touchdowns. Ron Dayne! The guy had two touchdowns in the past two seasons combined! On top of that, the man injured his ankle at the beginning of the second quarter, had to get it bandaged, and continued to run wild on the Colts. I can imagine him now, going “Ya can’t stop me! Ya can’t stop me! I’m too nice!” while knowing good and well that this would never happen against any other team. It’s nice the former Heisman winner turned huge bust had one day in his career to shine.

So at this point, I’m convinced early 90’s singer Taylor Dayne could muster at least 65 yards and a touchdown on the Colts defense. What does that mean for Larry Johnson, who broke the NFL record for carries this season, with 17 touchdowns and almost 1,800 yards? A guy who had close to an MVP season if it wasn’t for some guy playing in San Diego? I’ll put it in the words of my good friend Dan Gabel, who had this to say about the Chiefs-Colts game. “LJ might as well drop a deuce on the field.” Translation…he is going to shit on the Colts. I agree. I’m not going to waste my time and highlight what the Colts do well (we all know already) because it hasn’t helped them in the latter weeks of the season. I’m taking the Chiefs for the “first” road upset of the week.

Dallas Cowboys at Seattle Seahawks (Hawks -3)

I don’t know why, but this game doesn’t appeal to me very much. I don’t know if it’s because I’m sick of T.O.’s whining, or the fact that both of these teams have been so inconsistent all year, but I honestly don’t feel that the Super Bowl champ, or loser for that matter, will come from this game. Regardless, I still have to analyze it (If that’s why I claim to do) and there are some notable subplots going on. First off, the coaches; Bill Parcells and Mike Holmgren, both future Hall of Famers, both earn more bragging points with a victory. Second, the receiving cores; a deadly combo (Owens and Glenn) vs. a ball spreading foursome, that’s right, a “ball-spreading-foursome” (Branch, Jackson, Burleson, Engram).

I’ll also throw in two players of interest in this game, who probably have a lot more to prove than anyone else, one being Tony Romo and the other being Shaun Alexander. Romo started off red-hot after filling in for Bledsoe earlier in the season, but has cooled-off substantially, costing his team the division, a first round-bye and the always important “hottest team heading into the playoffs” label. If that isn’t enough, it’s also hurting Tony’s quality of poon as well. When he was doing everything right, he was linked to Jessica Simpson, but as his decline began, lesser attractive Carrie Underwood was spotted cheering him on in the skybox. If this goes on any further, he will have the chick from Ugly Betty sitting on the sidelines during pre-season. By opening day…we reach DEFCON 1, a drunken, boob-revealing Tara Reid puking on him after a 40-point-blowout. He better get his act together.

As for Alexander, does anyone remember this guy? He broke the rushing record last year, was named MVP, took his team to the Super Bowl, and now has practically fallen off the face of the Earth, because LaDanian Tomlinson (LT if ya nasty) is doing everything he has done and better. That’s got to hurt. Plus he is yet another player who has to deal with the scrutiny of the Madden cover jinx, after missing six games due to the video game related injury. The question is whether he is back to form from last year. Considering he had five touchdowns in December I’ll say yes. When I factor in his 3.6 yards per carry, I only get a little weary. But I like Seattle to win for two reasons. One, they have one of the best home-field advantages in the league, which has been rumored to use crowd-enhancing speakers. Two, they have an underrated defense that causes a lot of turnovers (something a struggling Romo does not need right now). This game may be the toughest one to pick, because I don’t know which Cowboys team will show up. With that said, I’ll take the defending NFC champs.

New York Jets at New England Patriots (Pats -81/2)

Surprise, surprise, the Jets are the biggest underdogs of the weekend. However, I think they like it that way. They have been dogs all season, no need for it to change right now. Before I write anything about this game, I would like to note that no matter what I know about match-ups, I’m taking the Jets to win. I want all my picks to be right, and I don’t want the Jets to lose, so I’m left with no choice. If I ever make it as a sportswriter, I will become the biggest “homer” (phrase used to describe home-town loyalists) in the history of sports journalism, and I don’t care. There are 29 other teams to give fair and balanced analysis to. When it comes to the Jets, Mets, Knicks and Liberty, I want them to win (sarcastic smile).

So, do they have a chance? First off, it is really hard to say which team has the advantage from playing each other twice already this season. Both road teams won, and it’s pretty safe to say everyone will be looking at the coaching match-up way more than the two teams playing on the field. So when it gets down to Man-Genius vs. Beli-Bitch, there is the obvious factor that both men know one another well, and will be trying to anticipate opposing plays all day. But who has the advantage here? Everyone says Beli-Bitch, the older and wiser of the two, but I honestly think it’s the Genius. Think about it, he knows Beli-Bitch the head coach, from his years in New England. On the other hand, the mentor only knows his star pupil as such, a defensive back coach and a defensive coordinator for one season. The Genius is like Luke Skywalker, strong with the force, but young and untested. Beli-Bitch is like Darth Vader. Evil. Cold. Ugly, with a face that looks like a decaying turd. Who would you root for?

The recently named “Most Improved Player of the Year,” Chad Pennington will have to follow Michael Scott’s proven mantra of KISS (Keep it simple stupid). That means no turnovers, especially interceptions turned into points, which Chad either avoided this season or provided in bundles, depending on the game. Another key factor will be the Jets in the Red Zone. The Patriots are widely known for their stinginess in this area of the field, and the Jets have struggled there this season. The Jets are going to need a lot of different scenarios to win. An uncharacteristic turnover fest from Brady, a few big plays from big playmakers Laveranues Coles and Leon “Neon” Washington or anything else that could penetrate and rattle the Patriots defense. Regardless of how it happens, the Patriots dynasty needs to, and WILL end with a Jets win. The Death Star has to be blown up, the Evil Empire has to be destroyed, and the decaying turd has to bow down to the power of the Man-Genius! JETS win!

New York Giants at Philadelphia Eagles (Eagles -7)

Before I dissect the last game of the weekend, I must say how amazing it is to have an all New York playoff football Sunday, against two division rivals to boot. I think some local wives across the country may witness their husbands having seizures at around 4 p.m. from sports overload, foaming at the mouths while knocking over their plates of wings and nachos. This has the potential for a full-blown epidemic.

The Giants should have that “just happy to be here” attitude for this game, but something tells me Tiki Barber isn’t satisfied. If this is his last season, it could have ended a lot worse, but now at least he has the chance to make something amazing happen, and it will only take winning four games on the road (ask the 05 Steelers, it’s not that unthinkable). Unfortunately, the 06 Giants are not that team, and a bunch of question marks attribute to that. Eli Manning didn’t make a noticeable improvement in his third year. He raised his horrible completion percentage to a slightly respectable 57.7, but threw for 500 less yards and one more interception. I really feel a lot of what this team needs to do falls on him, considering Tiki had a perfect performance last Saturday, and the Redskins still kept it close.

At the same time, this team has had been hit hard by the injury bug for two straight seasons now, and one of those losses, Amani Toomer, is severely affecting Manning. It’s hard to move the chains without your possession receiver. While Plaxico is exciting, he really has only a few, albeit big catches per game, and if those plays aren’t made, he’s a non-factor. On the D-side, the loss of Strahan leaves the Giants without the pass-rushing attack they have relied on in the past two seasons, and Coach Coughlin will really need to be smart in how he uses his linebackers, and where they are in coverage.

Problem is, and I mentioned it earlier, the Giants have drawn “the hottest team going into the playoffs,” as the Eagles are clicking on all cylinders. Their offense is looking very balanced right now, as Brian Westbrook (perhaps the most underrated player in the league) and the re-born Jeff Garcia are thriving. On top of that, they are playing in Philly, and the crazed fans will be smelling blood just like the Eagles defense already set claim to. Brian Dawkins said his team is going to “dominate” Eli this weekend, and not in the way he likes it, which involves whips, chains, whistles, yoyo’s, my grandmother giving me the finger riding on a bicycle and a duck. Are you crying? (Sorry, totally obscure Black Sheep reference).

I guess it’s all up to the level of confidence the Giants have left in them, and the following quote by Linebacker Antonio Pierce sums it up well. When asked by the Post about responding to Dawkins “dominance” remarks, Pierce simply said, “We [the Giants] haven’t dominated all year, so why should I say that?” Yikes…I’m going to take the Eagles.

FOCKKKKK!!

2006-12-29T23:46:00.000-05:00

Giants sweep in, and veto Zito deal to Mets

Wait, he’s got a wicked curve? He calls everyone dude? Wow, that’s got to be worth $126 million. The dude part alone is a prerequisite on the Hall of Fame ballot. Cy Young did it to his teammates all the time.
I have to admit it, when I first heard Zito signed with the Giants I was shocked. It kind of felt like your girlfriend cheating on you, like a line of trust was broken. But this is because like most Mets fans, I possessed this naïve confidence that no matter what, Barry Zito would eventually sign with the team and become their number one starter next year. I thought Minaya would get his man and that this year’s biggest free agent pitcher, about to sign his career defining contract, would love to come to the Mets and contend for a World Series. Everything was set in place. The wheels were already in motion.
But then, as the free agent pool continued to drain, Zito’ status remained in limbo. I’d get IM’s from fellow Met friends everyday saying, “What’s going on with Zito? You think he’ll sign with Texas? I have huge anal warts.” (OK, ignore that last one). What seemed inevitable became very doubtful, as the days turned into weeks. When I listened to Scott “the Devil” Boras on Michael Kay just one week ago, he said it was down to six teams, and a deal would be reached in the next 15-20 days. I didn’t like the sound of that. At that point, Amazin fans were on pins and needles, because the deal could happen at any moment, and the Mets were in no way the frontrunners.
And then yesterday when my friend Jon IM’ed me that Zito was probably signing with the Giants, I made nothing of it. That team came out of left field to me. But two minutes later, I noticed another blinking orange IM icon on my screen. It was my friend Jeff, another diehard Mets fan. This can’t be good, I was afraid to drag and click. Yet when I finally did…my worst fear became a reality. (And I should add how ironic it was that when you receive an IM, the icon blinks from blue to orange, the Mets colors. A tragic case of foreshadowing)
So obviously, I went on to hold three simultaneous AIM conversations with my three biggest Met friends (Jon “the pessimist,” Jeff “the optimist,” and Meir “the fanatical, lives and dies by the Mets pessimist,”). At the start, we were all miserable about it. But soon enough, after enough Boras bashing and “what’s our next move” questioning, there was some light at the end of the tunnel. We began to ponder, is Zito worth even half of 126 million? Is is worth our time and money, to sign him to a ridiculous long term contract, with possible detrimental effects to our team’s future? Didn’t we learn anything from Mo Vaughn?
OK, Barry Zito is no Mo Vaughn, but at the same time what exactly is he? Let’s break down his seven year career in the majors. He peaked in 2002, his Cy Young year, going 23-5 with a 2.75 ERA. He also had a decent 2001. But what about the bulk of his career, between 2003-05? 39-36 with a 3.9 ERA. And this year, he must have really impressed the market with his 16-10 record and 3.8 ERA. The truth is Barry Zito is a slightly above average pitcher, and most of that is due to the fact of how durable he has been. He is at the top of the list in starts and innings pitched in the past five years. While he is also fourth in wins, his highest win total aside from his Cy Young year is 17, and the amount of W’s is mostly attributed to his amount of starts.
Now I’m not saying I wouldn’t have welcomed Zito to the Mets. The fact that he stays so healthy is not a bad thing at all, especially for the injury plagued, over-the-hill rotation the Mets currently sport. But if Minaya had to even come close to the deal the Giants signed with the devil (literally), than I commend our Dominican GM for passing. So there, we have some clarity on the Zito deal. We were so desperate to get a starter, especially a young one with a good reputation, but it wasn’t worth breaking the bank for. But have fun in San Fran Barry, watching your fellow “Barry,” Bonds that is, inject steroids into his testicles while turning your first season into a homerun record chasing media circus. Should be a fun time.

(I would like to add that my older brother Avi wanted me to mention that he likes to call Barry Zito, Barry Ziti. And yes he is a high paid lawyer.)

Merry Christmas from Mango and friends!

2006-12-25T02:53:00.000-05:00

As Kyle from South Park once said, “It’s hard to be a Jew on Christmas.” Well it will be a little easier this year, because of a sweet day of games for the Sports Jew and his non-gentile friends to enjoy.

First off will be the now “traditionally mandatory” match-up of the Lakers and Heat. When this game first occurred two years ago, it was meant to hype up the first Kobe vs. Shaq battle since their big split. But now that the two guys finally kissed and made up, and because Shaq plays less games than Rebecca Lobo in her prime lately, it is now built around the match-up between Kobe and D-Wade, which is a lot more exciting if you ask me. I rather see Kobe trade dunks and improbable shots with Wade, than watch Shaq’s slow motion moves in the post. Just makes for more entertaining television if you ask me.

After that we switch over to football with a big division match-up between the Eagles and Cowboys. Now that the Giants have almost officially blown this season, it will be up to Philly and Dallas to see who wins the NFC East, while both teams have already clinched playoff births. This game also marks the first time Jeff Garcia faces off against T.O. since their “breakup” in San Fran, which ended with the star receiver accusing his quarterback of being a homosexual. I say just for the hell of it, Garcia should blow kisses to T.O. every time he enter the field, and do things like waive to him in a feminine manner while saying “Heeeeey Terrell!” in a really effeminate voice. That should add some intrigue to this one.

And finally, we cap the night off with Jets. Vs. Dolphins on Monday Night Football. No surprise here that this game strikes my fancy the most (damn you Garcia!) as the Jets can lock up the final playoff spot with a win against the Dolphins. I say this because all they would need to do after that is beat Oakland in the last week of the season. The Raiders are a team currently in what I call “bizzaro playoff hunt mode,” in which your season has been so meaningless, that you try to finish with the league’s worst record to land the number one pick in the NFL draft. I have total faith in Oakland throwing all their integrity aside and achieving this goal, so the Jets really need to take care of business in Miami to take control of their own destiny. It all rests on Chad Pennington. Hopefully the recent release of “We Are Marshall” will inspire him. We could use Matthew McConaughey on the sideline in aviators saying, “alight, alright” after every first down for good measure.

Merry Christmas everybody!

“Matt Geiger is an ugly man”

2006-12-22T19:53:00.000-05:00

The NBA season so far.

Alright, alright. It’s time to take a little break from the NFL, and divert some much needed attention to the first month and a half of the NBA season. Going into the 06-07 campaign, I had very little interest or faith in the league this year, most of this having to do with the dreadful forecast in line for the Knicks. If this sounds familiar, it’s because I had a very similar attitude towards the Jets this year. While the Jets have surpassed my expectations by a mile, the Knicks…well, they’re just about where I thought they’d be at. And they added a good ole brawl for good measure!

Isiah Thomas has proven that his off the court incompetence isn’t just limited to managing, but to coaching the Knicks as well. I think it was a few weeks ago when in the late stages of the game, and the Knicks down by a few, Zeke decided to truly demonstrate his worth to this team by arguing a call, getting two technicals and getting the boot. His retarded rant gave the opposing team a free throw and a possession. It’s truly something when your coach could affect the outcome of a game in such a negative way.

One more quick note about Zeke, before I continue on to some other notes about the Knicks and the NBA season so far. Has anyone noticed the puzzle piece on his lapel? I don’t know what it represents, I would hope it’s for a charity; but does anyone agree that Isiah may be trying to say he is the missing piece of the puzzle? That would truly be something. In my view, I don’t think the man can even complete a puzzle. He strikes me as the type of guy who would try to help his daughter match that one really irregular piece, only to get frustrated, start cursing, and then eventually jam it into the wrong spot. His daughter would look down at the puzzle in confusion, and then look back at her father, now sporting his classic creepy Isiah Thomas smile. So in a nutshell, that’s what I think of Isiah’s coaching style.

Moving right along, this season has provided some interesting subplots in its early stages. The Knicks managed to follow “Suspension Fest ’06” with two games that started synonymously with their season so far (getting blown out at home), only to comeback in amazing fashion to win both with two buzzer beaters! Is it something to marvel at in the moment? Of course. Does it mean the Knicks have a shot at doing something this year? Let’s find out.

A brawl, two buzzer beaters and a rebounding machine with a Jew-fro

I think that sums up the Knicks season so far, no? First off, here’s my two cents on the brawl. I didn’t see it live, so its hard to base my opinion in the context of what happened, especially what led up to it. All I will say is this. Isiah Thomas definitely had something to do with it. There is evidence of him verbally provoking a hard foul, if a Nugget drove to the basket (and yes, he was sporting the creepy smile while doing so). Mardy Collins was definitely the fall-guy in the situation, kind of like when they send a newbie to whack someone in the mafia. You’re not really going to miss his presence if your enemies (the NBA in this case) try to retaliate.

With that said, Carmelo Anthony definitely threw one hell of a sucker punch. I can only imagine his girlfriend, Lala from MTV, calling him a “punk-ass bitch” later in the night, and refusing to let him “hit that.” But the person who let me down the most in this whole thing is Nate Robinson. I really had high hopes for him coming into this year, and as of right now, these are the two things he is best know for this season. 1. Attempting a self alley-oop, and missing horribly. 2. Jumping on J.R. Smith like a cliché midget character in a movie when provoked with a barrage of “midget jokes.” On top of that, he is averaging -5 assists per game. Mighty Mouse has certainly not come to save the day. Zing!

But as low as the Knicks looked Sunday morning on the front page of every New York tabloid, they managed to revamp their image with two amazing finishes. Game-winning buzzer beaters are simply too rare and thrilling to ignore. But this team is still a mess in my view; without a real leader, without any intensity or effort on defense and “with” Isiah Thomas still calling the shots. They’re lucky they are playing in the worst division in NBA history as Greg Anthony labeled the Atlantic on ESPN radio, because I think the playoffs are a very realistic goal even for them.

More ball swapping than a Jenna Jameson film

When I first saw the new NBA ball, only one thing caught my attention. Why don’t the lines go all the way around? Instead, the seams (I guess that’s what you can call them) connect to create a futuristic looking ball, that I could imagine Neo and Morpheus would use for a pick-up game. Oddly enough, NBA analysts never discussed the ball’s new design. The debate over the new rock was all about its grip and bounce. I don’t really have a point here.

Rocky Mountain A.I.

The Allen Iverson trade fiasco didn’t last nearly as long as I thought it would, and even more surprisingly, Billy King scored a pretty decent deal. He got cap relief (Joe Smith’s expiring contract) a solid point guard (Dre Miller) and two first round picks. Sure those picks will be in the late first round, but this team is going to have a high first rounder next year as well. Plus there have been a bunch of talented guys going 20-29 recently, just look at David Lee. Now all King has to do is not fuck up this very important draft in 07. He probably will though.

As for Iverson’s impact in Denver, it’s going to take two re-adjustment periods. First when A.I. makes his debut with the team, and then when Melo is thrown back in the mix. It has the potential to be great, but no one with able to know for sure until some games get played. I don’t like to predict things that are so new and untested, as in Iverson playing alongside another superstar for the first time in his career. This is a guy whose big teammates have included a rejuvenated and bald Matt Geiger, which reminds me of a game from the Sixers finals run in 2001 on TNT. During the post game studio session, while breaking down the action, Charles Barkley decided to interject with this insightful observation. “Matt Geiger is an ugly man.” Sportscasting at its finest if you ask me.

One thing about A.I…he has to watch out in Denver. He’s not in Philly anymore, a city full of crazies who booed Santa Claus. He is now playing in a strict, conservative city, where Kobe was put on a witch trial. So Allen, you may want to take it easy with the gun-wielding drunken ambushes at your baby’s mama’s place. And if so, at least put a pair of pants on. Other than that, I think they have a shot at the title.

A tale of two teams…

2006-12-02T01:14:00.000-05:00

Why are Gang Green and the G-Men both 6-5 going into week 13? Because of coaching, injuries, scheduling, team chemistry, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and of course…the media.

It's quite the anomaly. Anomaly, meaning irregularity or abnormality. And if you don't know what those words mean, you're retarded. Going into this season, no one gave the Jets a chance to win more than 4 games, and for the most part, the Giants were being labeled a playoff contender in the crapshoot which is the National Football Conference (NFC). The reasoning for such? Justifiable. The Jets had no offensive identity, including an injury prone quarterback, a hall of fame running back at the end of his career and an unproven, untested offensive line. Their defense had scattered talent playing under a new coach, and in a new defensive scheme, the 3-4.

No one was labeling the Giants as serious contenders, but in the NFC East, they had as good a chance as anyone. And with a very proven offense, and a defense that included two pro bowl defensive ends, they were, as sportswriters like to say "better on paper" than the New York Jets. So why are both teams at the same record, almost two-thirds into the season? As my headline so clearly states, there are many factors determining why the Jets have overachieved so much at 6-5, and why the Giants are crumbling at…6-5. I want to focus on one team at a time, because both season stories are so different, it would be dizzying to compare their pros and cons. In the end, I will try to determine the fate of both teams, if they are playing in January, and if either have a chance to make something of it.

Let's start off with the Jets. Many people don't feel what the Jets are doing is something spectacular, and the truth is they're right. The Jets are not an elite team, and there's no reason they should be. But this is what irks me about Jets antagonism in 2006. Some sports analysts claim that the only games the Jets are winning are against bad teams and that with the exception of a win in New England, they do not have one impressive victory to stand on. OK, in an ignorant sense, that's true. But the Jets are still a good team, and for that same reason. Good teams are supposed to beat bad teams. It means they did their homework, exploited their opponent's weaknesses and won the game. That's why teams like Arizona and Detroit are bad teams. They don't win those so called "gimmes" on their schedule, and the games they do win are usually by chance.

In addition to that, the Jets have competed in every game but one this year, another impressive footnote in this noteworthy season. If you subtract the Jacksonville game where they obviously phoned it in, their other four losses all displayed the competitive side of this team. They were getting blown out by the Pats, but almost staged a last minute comeback. They had the Colts beat, but got iced by a 2 minute drill ala Peyton Manning (he does it all the time). The Browns game?? Well when a potential game winning touchdown isn't reviewed as a blatant force-out, you got to chalk that up to horrible officiating. Finally, the Chicago game was a good defensive stalemate, until the Bears cracked the board with a field goal. They wrapped it up with a td, only scored due to a missed Jets tackle.

And yet, that one missed tackle is a good example of what this Jets season has been so far. It was just "one" mixed tackle. Not a series of blown plays, or interceptions, or penalties. This team has been playing to their fullest potential all year, and then some. This has been especially evident on the offensive end. You probably couldn't trade their starting offense for any other team at the start of the season, and now they are looking better than half the pack. You have to credit an amazing draft which solidified their offensive line, a year after it fell apart. Can you believe that? It's been taking Arizona years to do the same thing, and they're still no where close, while the Jets are pretty much a tackle short of having an elite o-line. It's truly outstanding.

OK, now for the Giants. Remember those factors I was talking about? They were mostly applying to the G-Men. Plain and simple, before the Giants even snapped one play this year, they had a brutal schedule to go through. If you don't believe me, just check it out. Non division games included Indy, Seattle, Chicago, Jacksonville, Carolina and what was supposed to be a gimme in Week 15 before the season is now not, the surprising Saints. They only have two easy games on their schedule, Houston and Tennessee, and Tampa Bay even though they made the playoffs last year. So right away, it was going to be a battle for the Giants to win 10 games this season. Considering their schedule had no weak spots, they finished the first half of the season at 6-2. Their division record? 3-0. Their competition? Looking very shaky. It was a good time to be Giants fan, even though their star running back had just announced his retirement at seasons end.

Then, the injuries started to pile up. They lost both of their starting ends. They lost their no. 1 cornerback. They lost two of their outside linebackers. They lost their number two receiver. Well Tiki, your last season is going to be your biggest workload as well. Oh sorry, you just lost your left tackle as well. And that isn't even the full extent of it. So before I continue, let me say this. For the second straight year, the Giants have been almost completely decimated by injury, so regardless of what happens this year, they get a pass. But the team can't worry about that now. They desperately need to put their awful injury luck behind them, and try to save this season.

I'm not going to bother talking about the Bears or Jaguars losses. Those were two good teams, and the Giants were in fine shape going into an easy bounce back game vs. Tennessee. But that game was beyond discussion, and while radio hosts, newspaper columnists and TV personalities have been dissecting it all week, I'm going to save some time and make it pretty simple for everyone. You know who's fault it was they lost that game? Mathias Kiwa"fuckin"anuka! I'm sick of hearing idiots like Michael Kay attack Coughlin for chewing him out after the play. He missed a fucking tackle! Why is he worrying about getting a penalty when he hasn't even finished his assignment? In the NLF you only get credit for bringing your opponent to his FUCKING KNEES. This isn't touch football, you have to make sure that quarterback is down, and not worry about getting a 15 yard penalty in the process. I am still baffled as to why this rookie is getting off so easily for his lame ass excuse.

So what does peanut butter and jelly sandwiches have to do with all of this? Nothing really, actually. My brother just pointed out that during Michael Strahan's tirade on that ESPN reporter he was snacking on said sandwich. And there really isn't anything more offensive than an angry football player in your face while he licks peanut butter out of gapped teeth. As for the media's effect on the Giants lately, it's all self inflicted. The media are always going to be in you face, after a big loss, win, whatever. It's up to the team to provide the material for the picture that will ultimately be painted on TV and print. And the Giants are doing nothing to help themselves in this case. Can you believe that all of this nonsense wit Coughlin, Tiki, Strahan and Shockey has actually rendered the initials TO utterly useless to the media this week? I have to assume Parcells is thrilled about that. I just hope the Giants are coming up with a game-plan for the Cowboys, because despite what Shockey believes, this isn't the same team they creamed on Monday Night Football. I should point out that I've really grown to dislike the Giants talkative tight end. He is writing a lot of checks that his ass can't cash, and for a player to talk as much as him, he should really back it up on the field. He's been mediocre all year, and the less he does, the more he wines.

So in closing, just where do these teams stand as far as playoffs are concerned? As screwed as the Giants seem, they have a better chance solely because they play in the NFC. If they have to compete for the last playoff spot, it would be with the Rams, Vikings, 49ers and Falcons. I have to assume that even with their injuries, they're better than all those teams. Unfortunately, their remaining schedule will definitely not help their case. Dallas, Carolina, Philly, New Orleans and Washington. The Jets remaining schedule? Green Bay, Buffalo, Miami, Minnesota and Oakland. The remaining teams ahead of the Jets for the final two playoff spots? Denver, Kansas City, Cincy and Jacksonville. It's the Giants schedule vs. the Jets mountain climb. Take your pick.

And as for these teams Super Bowl chances, mark my words…neither of these teams will win one playoff game. Unless of course, they win a playoff game, kind of negating what I just wrote.

12-3...

2006-09-15T00:00:00.000-05:00

That's right, that's right. In my first week ever of picking winners in the NFL, I went an impressive 12-3 (with the exception of the Miami-Pittsburgh game, which was played before I wrote my column). I don't mean to brag, it's not like I'm trying to become Matthew McConaughey's character in "2 for the money" or anything. And I never really got that character anyway. I never envisioned someone who's an expert at betting football games to be a good-looking young guy who does push-ups in his boxers. To me, its more of a fat, balding guy who runs a betting pool at his brokerage firm, and owns league pass, while playing in 5 fantasy football leagues under the name "SuzyKolber fan69".

Speaking of fantasy football, my first week in that was not as impressive. It's not a good thing when two of the quarterbacks you've selected (in this case Jake Plummer and Drew Bledsoe) are the topic of every "which qb should be benched first?" segment on SportsCenter. I really hope it doesn't come to the point where I have to pick up some guy named Tony Romo in a couple of weeks (although I am a big fan of his ribs) because Bledsucks keeps throwing the ball directly into the hands of defenders. I swear he does it sometimes just to give that "I can't catch a break" look after going to the sideline, when it's obviously his fault.

Moving right along, Week 2 of the season is almost entirely made up of divisional match-ups, some will be good games (Giants-Eagles, Jets-Patriots) others should be blowouts (Bengals-Browns, Bears-Lions). I'm going to break down the NY teams playing this weekend, both playing their biggest rivals, and both in need of a win. The Giants case is obvious, they lost the Manning Bowl and do not want to give one up the Eagles, which would put them in the early season cellar of the NFC East. The Jets on the other hand won their Week 1 game, but against the lowly Titans. A win against Mangina's old battery mates (I don't know if I'm using that term correctly) would definitely make the Jets the talk of the town. Shit, it would make them the talk of the whole league. Lets go Jets!

Patriots at Jets (Patriots favored -6 "nigga please??")

Six points, eh? Well that's two field goals Mike Nugent probably won't hit, so who knows, it could be accurate. Seriously at this point, I rather have Ted Nugent handling extra points. He has long, limber legs that could definitely clear the uprights (and with that and the McConaughey comment, I've made my first two homo-erotic references of the season, and it's only Week 2). But screw the Jets kicker, this game has so many layers, that the whole "football being 90 percent (or something) mental" saying definitely comes into play. Lets break it down, shall we?

First off, these two teams are known for swapping coaches more than Fox is for swapping wives. It all started when Parcells left the Pats to coach the Jets in 1997 (New England, many people forget, went on to hire old Jets coach and current USC coach Pete Carroll). Then when the Tuna jumped ship, Bill "the traitor" Belichick performed some "dutch-door-action" on the Jets and left for the Pats (he resigned after one day, the coward). Throw in some jabroni named Al Grogh, and it's enough to make a sitcom out of. Mangina brings the coaching carousel full circle, by giving the Jets a piece of the New England Dynasty's infamous coaching staff.

While Gina had a sub-par year taking over for Romeo Cronell as defensive coordinator last season, his claim to fame was coaching the team's excellent secondary during their 3 Super Bowl runs. In the Jets week one win, they had 3 picks, and with a secondary made up mostly nobodies. Does this compute into Mangina being a pass defense guru? It's hard to say, Kerry Collins was playing quarterback.

This week they are going against Tom Brady, who didn't dazzle much in his debut either. A big problem with that may be the lack of his favorite receiving target, Deion Branch, which brings us to another one of the game's subplots. Earlier this week, the Pats had the nerve to file tampering charges against the Jets, who claim the team tried to lure him with trade talks without conferring with their (the Pats) front office. I can only imagine how much crazier it would be if Deion did sign with the Jets, and was in the lineup for this game. I could picture him scoring a touchdown, and Asante Samuel scissor kicking him in the face, while back-flipping his way back to the locker room. (Note, I have no knowledge as to any stealth ninja skills possessed by Asante Samuels. I just think he has a cool name).

So basically, this game should be a pressing one, physically and psychologically. The big question for me and every other Jets fan is "can Chad Pennington hold up." OK, he's talented, and his passing accuracy and determination is enough to make him compete. But I've said it before, and I'll say it again, his peripheral vision leaves a lot to be desired. If Chad keeps getting blindsided by two-man rushes, while his arm is in mid-swing, there's a good chance his rotator cuff will stop rotating, and this time for good. I want to have faith, but it's way too early. However, a successful game at home vs. New England will definitely help. I'm going to have to be a homer two weeks in a row, and say the Jets will have people talking on Monday morning, and not about Desperate Housewives, which is a very gay show.

Giants at Eagles (Eagles favored 3)

So, in a very entertaining game, which included a pretty sick and under-looked td by Plaxico, big brother conquered over little one. And I basically stated in last week's column that Peyton was still the premier quarterback, even though I picked the Giants to win. Looking back, I have no idea why I did that. I basically soaked Peyton's cork for about four paragraphs, and then said, "I'm gonna take the Giants." That's like the equivalent of macking a really hot chick at a bar, and doing a real good job at it, only to forget about her and drunkenly make-out with some ugly chick at the end of the night. It doesn't make sense. It's fucking stupid.

As for this game, I can tell I'm really going to hate picking Eagles-Giants games, and anyone who has watched them can understand why. The Eagles were realistically the most underrated team going into this season, as everyone forgot Donovan McNabb went to three straight conference title games before T.O. came to town. Plus, they have a solid "core," O-Line and defensive front seven. If Stallworth is a legit no. 1 receiver, and Westbrook could have a solid year as a combo-back, there is no reason why Philly can't rebound from their disappointing 05-06 year and win the division again.

Everyone says the NFC East is the best division in football, and I'm not positive it is. Look at the AFC North with the Steelers, Bengals and Ravens, who finally look to have their defense back to Super Bowl form. Of course you cant count at the high scoring AFC West, which has three teams all capable of winning the division, and is always a fight to the end. And if Tampa can rebound from their dismembering by the Ravens, you got to think the NFC South, with three elite defenses, and a last place team with Reggie Bush could be the conference's best team. So what does this leave the NFC East as? I'd say they're definitely the most "publicized" division in football, what with the TO saga, the Cowboys being "America's team," Dan Snyder's attempt to make the Redskins the salary-capped Yankees of football, and the G-Men, New York's favorite team...that plays in New Jersey.

In this division, I think success will truly be determined by quarterback play, which should have Dallas and Washington sweating early. The Cowboys have the potential to implode more than any of the teams, and the Redskins are underachieving big time with every pre-season move they make. So who does that leave at the top of the division? The Eagles and the Giants. And hey, they have good situations at quarterback, and solid defenses as well. Only with the Eagles, they have had a better track record of not choking when the postseason comes. Sure they lost three straight conference titles games, but the Giants lost in round one last year to the Panthers, and badly. I'm liking the Eagles this week to prove their NFC East dominance, setting up a probable all green Super Bowl. Yeah, that's right.

Rest of the week's picks:
Dolphins over Bills
Vikings over Panthers
Bengals over Browns
Bears over Lions
Colts over Texans
Saints over Green Bay
Ravens over Raiders (lock pick)
Falcons over Bucs
Seahawks over Cardinals
49ers over Rams
Denver over Kansas City
Chargers over Titans
Cowboys over Redskins
Jaguars over Steelers

WEEK 1 NFL PREVIEW: THE MANNING BOWL

2006-09-09T23:27:00.000-05:00

Well, my first attempt to write a sports column went the wayside when I was overtaken with laziness, leaving the three people (my brother, Bunz and Ian) who read the damn thing without their weekly dose of witty Dan Israeli pop culture references. But the return of my favorite sports league, the NFL, has inspired me to return, and Im back with a vengeance baby!

I dont know why the most exciting NBA playoffs in recent times, the resurgence of my beloved Nye Mets or several ridiculous side stories (like Eddie Griffin driving drunk while masturbating and crashing his car) didnt inspire me to pen a column, but for some reason the start of a NFL season does. And this is especially interesting considering the fate of my NY Jets, whose offense is so pathetic, that in my recent fantasy draft, a white receiver (Matt Jones of the Jaguars) was taken before any member of Gang Green. In fact, none were taken at all. They will truly suck asscheeks this year when it comes to crossing the goal line, unless you count safeties, which Im predicting Chad will have six of this year.

Fantasy football has truly become my saving grace for the past two seasons, as it is a great way to add excitement to a league when your team will inevitably stink. And aside from taking Drew Bledsoe in the sixth round, I had a pretty sweet draft. (Dont sleep on DeAngelo Williams or Reggie Bush, they will both outshine their teams respective starters by mid-season).

So for my first column of the 06-07 season I will break down 4 noteworthy games of Week 1, as well running down the rest of my picks. To start things off, who are the Jets playing??

Jets at Titans (Titans favored 2.5)

The Jets opener is bittersweet in a way, as theyll be squaring off against former All-pro center Kevin Mawae, who will be a great factor in the budding career of Vince Young. However, the game also pits the Jets against one of 5 teams (Titans, Raiders, Browns, Packers and Niners) I think they have a realistic chance of beating this year. If the Jets can win their first game of the season, think about it...they have a realistic shot at going 1-15 on the year.

I hate bashing them so much, but I've pretty much lost all faith in Chad "I have worse depth perception than a blind/deaf premature newborn" Pennington, and he is playing with a young O-line (two rookies) and running-backs-by-committee (but, unlike New Orleans or Denver, our backs suck). Add to that a defense depleted by the loss of pass-rusher John Abraham, playing under a brand new 3-4 scheme. This may take some getting used to. Losing games, that is.

Still, I have to say I like what Eric "Mangina" Mangini is doing with the team. When you're as horrible as the Jets were going into this year's draft, it's always wise to start from the core up (D and O line) and the Jets definitely solidified the latter by picking up two All-American guys in Ferguson and Mangold. As for their new 3-man front on D, I can only hope it will work out, as it will depend mostly on Dewayne Robertsons success at nose tackle and Jonathan Vilma's conversion to inside linebacker.

Well this game preview basically served as a season preview for my Jets, but what can I say, its not a very interesting game to dissect. The Titans are filled with concerns too, and I really hope they swap Collins with Young at some point in the game to at least add to the excitement. Im going to take the Jets in this one, but it wont be pretty.

Falcons at Panthers (Panthers favored 5.5)

Well, Ive been saying it for a while now, but this season is it. When he first came into the league, I immediately bought Michael Vicks number 7 jersey, after watching him almost every weekend play for Virginia Tech (remains the only college football team I ever partially followed in my life). Then I stopped wearing the jersey because the neck-hole got really stretched out (due to my large cranium), and it started to look really fruity on me.

Well Vick is kind of like that fruity neck-hole. If he keeps stretching out (i.e. running and not passing for completions) he's going to wear out and become a bust in his career. I always loved him for his athleticism and game-breaking plays, but he always threw a nice td bomb in the mix to make me think he was working on his passing game. But after a promising second year in the league, he has since not amassed 3,000 yards, and is starting to throw as many picks as touchdowns. And he doesnt throw nearly enough touchdowns as it is.

As for Carolina, they are fueled by preseason hype, and are coming off a successful year without All-pro defensive tackle Kris Jenkins, who is hopefully back in form. The main storyline for this game is the trash-talk exchange between DeAngelo Hall and Steve Smith, in which the third year cornerback was stupid enough to call out a guy who killed it last year, and is best not provoked (see Chicago Bears in last years playoffs).

Smith wisely decided not to entertain Hall's smack talk, simply rebutting that "he's barking up the wrong tree," while adding that it was a "big ass tree." The game will depend a lot on Smith's availability, who is a game-time-decision due to not one, but two pulled hamstrings. So, Im going to make it simple. If Smith plays, Panthers win. If not, Im going to give the Falcons the early division lead. (Special note, if Smith plays even one down, Im going to consider it, so he better make it count.)

Bengals at Chiefs (Chiefs favored 2.5)

Hmm...I wonder how Herm Edwards will do in KC. Regardless, he's going to appear at the post game conference saying something like this, "I tell ya, I am proud of that football team. The success of our season will be determined by how many games we win, ya hear?" I swear Edwards is a modern-day John Madden. Ony he blabs out his common-sense sound bites with more confidence and attitude, making him look less stupid and more like a smooth talking black dude.

Am I mad he left the Jets out to dry? Not really. I think he was a good motivational coach, but I want a guru, along the lines of Bellicheck and Parcells, and Mangini is a product of their school of teaching. Kansas City is replacing one motivational guy with another, so I dont see a big upside or downside in their season. The bottom line is they are playing in a 3-way division, where strength of schedule and head-to head match-ups should determine the winner.

The outlook for the Bengals is more intriguing, who are coming off a great year that was shattered by the shattered ACL of Carson Palmer. Well he's back with a leg brace, and looked pretty on point in the preseason. So hopefully, and I say this because I really enjoy watching Cincy play offense, Palmer will continue his career injury free, and Chad Johnson wont have to cry watching Anthony Wright enter the huddle. The game is the second best match-up of the week, and Im going to have to pick the Bengals to tear apart a KC secondary that has proven nothing yet.

And finally, the best game of the week, and maybe in the history of mankind...

Colts at Giants (Colts favored 3.5)

Well this is definitely the first time I'm more excited for the Giants opener than the Jets, but how can you blame me? This game has all the makings of the greatest season opener in sports history, by pitting brother vs. brother, in a clash of two very exciting teams. While everyone is picking apart the Manning match-up, I for one found out that they will actually never be on the field at the same time, and decided to do something crazy...look at this game from a team vs. team perspective.

And these teams are pretty evenly matched. They both have great pass-rushers at each end of the D-Line (Strahan and Omenyiora vs. Freeney and Mathis), and great offensive attacks. But it would be ignorant to ignore Indy's running back situation; Edge is gone, and nobody seems to think a guy who has basically hit the ground running since his rookie year will affect the Colts with his departure. I know their line is good, but Rhodes and Addai did nothing in the preseason (78 yards on 38 carries). Cause for concern? I think so.

On the other hand the Giants have Tiki "Freaky Diki" Barber following a career year, and definitely with enough gas left for 2-3 more amazing seasons. The Giants will have a clear edge in the running game this Sunday night, a game that should see both qbs getting a lot of edge pressure. (By the way, how depressing are these new Tiki Barber-Curtis Martin McDonalds commercials? What were they thinking when the shot this? I am convinced they shot it before last years season, because I dont see how they could put two guys going in totally opposite directions of their careers in the same spot. I almost feel like Tiki is going to turn to Curtis at one point and ask him "Hey, are you retiring or what?" while Martin rebuts by smiling and taking a bite out of that chicken snacker thing theyre plugging.)

OK, I guess Ill touch on the Manning match-up briefly. Right now, I still think Peyton is leagues above his little brother, in how he produces and especially how he runs an offense. Peyton is the optimal playmaker in the league, while Eli is trying to imitate his game (spying defense coverage and calling audibles) but is simply not as successful. And if you want to compare their stats at the same point of their career, I'll negate their rookie seasons, and look at the ever-telling sophomore numbers for both guys (Peyton-62.1percentage, 4135 yards, 26 tds, 15 picks) vs. (Eli- 52.8, 3762, 24, 17). Nuff said.

Finally, Peyton, despite his off-season reputation, has that winning charisma that Eli also lacks. Hes a personable, funny guy, as noted by that new commercial where he wears a fake mustache and wig for no reason. Eli on the other hand is a bit slow. He's the type of guy who would watch one of those break-dancing groups on subway cars that do summersaults rolls down the aisle, and Eli would be spinning his head around, smiling with every rotation, clapping, while drool slowly rolled down his chin. (I shouldnt have typed that, I actually found out he had trouble learning how to read as a child). In any case, Im taking the Giants. Until next time.

Remaining picks for the week
Denver over St. Louis
New England over Buffalo
Baltimore over Tampa Bay
Seattle over Detroit
Philadelphia over Houston (Lock pick)
New Orleans over Cleveland
Dallas over Jacksonville
Chicago over Green Bay
Arizona over San Fran
Minnesota over Washington
San Diego over Oakland

How Kobe and Artest made me forget about football

2006-01-27T22:57:00.000-05:00

Wow. Instead of jocking myself for correctly picking both conference title games, I'm going to have to devote all my attention this week to two crazy developments that occurred in my once favorite league, the NBA. While the Steelers and Seahawks both stamped their respective tickets to Motown this past Sunday, a media plagued superstar in LA was stamping his own ticket to the Hall of Fame. Not to say Kobe wasn't a lock already with his three rings, but now he has entered a territory only one other man has ever journeyedvideo game-like points!

81. That's Kobe's number plus a 1, because he is now in my mind the no. 1 player in this league (how interesting was that breakdown? It literally took me like 10 seconds to think of). Now I'm going to start by saying this, Kobe is no Jordan yet. Aside from the fact that I don't really see anyone becoming the next MJ, Kobe has tainted himself more in the past 3 years than Jordan has in his whole life of losing money in blackjack at Caesars Palace. But seriously, what the hell was with the backlash this guy got in the week that followed his historic performance?

I'm not a huge Kobe supporter, because he has proven to be an egotistical ball-hog several times in his career, but his performance on Sunday was not a case of a player being selfish. Pat Riley, with his slicked back greasy hair and old man tan had the AUDACITY to say that any player could score 81 if his team complied. This is a total crock of shit coming from a man who knows enough about the league to realize how ignorant he sounds. I'll write this in caps so everyone can see what my main point is in defending my argument, IF SCORING 80 POINTS WAS SO EASY, ALLEN IVERSON WOULD HAVE DONE IT ALREADY.

AI's highest total? A measly 60 points (ok, I know that's quite impressive). But come on, AI has chucked over 30 shots a bunch of times in his career, over 40 a few times. The reason Kobe was able to reach the unheard of amount of 46 shots was because he wasn't missing them! He steadily shot over 50 percent all game. Why the hell would he pass it to Von Wafer when he's that hot? (I could have said Lamar Odom, but it wouldn't have been as funny).

And then we have Vince Carter of all people saying Kobe was giving a bad example to the kids by taking over the game like he did. I never understood this expression, but is that ever the pot calling the kettle black? Yeah Vince, I guess openly admitting that you dogged it several games in Toronto to force a trade is really admirable. I guess all teenage players across the nation should start playing really bad in hopes of being traded to another high school instead of doing something atrocious like scoring 81 points in a huge comeback win. What a douchebag.

And that is the bottom line. His team was down by 18 in the third quarter. He scored 55 in 24 minutes (that's MJ's infamous double nickel in one half) so his team could win the game. Yet some people, mainly his peers in the league tried to analyze the situation as another way for Kobe to garner some media attention. Scoring that many points will always do that though, no matter who you are. Once again, you don't have to like him to acknowledge what Bryant did. Give respect where respect is due. Kobe dropped 81 points on the Raptors. Second most all time, behind a record few people ever thought would be broken, and now it possibly could. END OF STORY.

Moving right along, that crazy bastard Ron Artest finally got traded this week, in a move me and my sports loving friends have namedropped once or twice. The Pacers get Peja in return, who hopefully can raise his points per game and field goal percentage in his new locale. That's all he really has to do. People can rag on his defense and hustle all they want, but no one was bad mouthing him as much when he scored about five points more and shot a better clip. As for Crazy, he's reluctantly joining the struggling Kings. It's a great move for Sac Town, who are not losing any points but are gaining A LOT on hustle and defense. What's the problem though? I just said it, Ron Artest is crazy!

I mean come on, who doesn't want to play for the Maloofs? I can imagine when you join the team they shower you with casino chips from their Palms hotel and surround you with hot Vegas strippers. Just imagine Joe Maloof in that deep smelly voice of his saying, Hey Ron, welcome to the Palms! It's gonna be a blast man! Plus Crazy will be close to LA, a perfect spot to focus on that horrible R&B group he may or may not still manage (for stats I double check, for this I could care less).Speaking of Artest's unstable mental state, I was wondering who are the five craziest athletes in sports history? He has got to be up there, but I will exclude TO. He isn't crazy; he's just a dick. When my buddy Ian started iming me some quotes from a certain deranged boxer, I knew I had my number one set, I just had to come up with the rest. So, I leave you with my top five craziest athletes of all time! (or just the ones I could think of in the 35 minutes before going to Atlantic City. I'm going to kill the hold em tables baby!)

5. Bill Romanowski- Of his many scuffles as a linebacker in the NFL, Romo got the most attention for his altercation with teammate Marcus Williams in 2003, punching him in the face and breaking his eye socket, forcing him to retire. He has since apologized.

4. Bobby Valentine- OK, so he is a crazy manager. But does anyone remember his mustache disguise to get back in the dugout like 5 years back? In fact, does anyone remember any other manager doing anything remotely close to that just to come back and watch his team lose? I think not.

3. Ron Artest- I put crazy at number three, mainly for his off the court issues and the brawl in Detroit. But I have to include that he donned 91 in that shortened season to honor the no. 2 player on our list

2. Dennis Rodman- The transgender power forward was the bad boy of the league before Artest (in a much more sexually explicit way). But I will always remember the time he fell into a cameraman after a play, and decided to, for no good reason; kick the guy square in the nuts.

1. Iron Mike Tyson- Why bother getting into his wife beating, ear biting, children eating threatening life story?

Let me just show you those quotes I was talking about. [He] called me a 'rapist' and a 'recluse.' I'm not a recluse.

"I want to rip out his heart and feed it to him [Lennox Lewis]. I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children."

"Anyone with a grain of sense would know that if I punched my wife I would rip her head off. It's all lies. I have never laid a finger on her."

"I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating."

And finally...

"One morning I woke up and found my favorite pigeon, Julius, had died I was devastated and was gonna use his crate as my stickball bat to honor him. I left the crate on my stoop and went in to get something and I returned to see the sanitation man put the crate into the crusher. I rushed him and caught him flush on the temple with a titanic right hand he was out cold, convulsing on the floor like a infantile retard."

The results from last week are in, Marcy Darcy is the better lesbian basketball player

2006-01-19T22:52:00.000-05:00

Well, the results are in, and I couldn't have done much worse in my first column of predicting professional sporting events. I went 1-4 last weekend, and I can only say in my defense that it was a weekend of full of probable upsets. Thank god my lone correct prediction was also my "lock bet" of the week, in which I stated I would stop writing the column if I were wrong. So I would like to thank one balding/clutch quarterback in Matt Hasselbeck for not making my week a complete bust.

While I didnt foresee Tom Brady and Peyton Manning choking en route to the AFC Championship game, I did mention that a strong performance from Steve Smith (150 yards and 2 tds) would give Carolina the edge in their game vs. the Bears. Well, Smith did just that and more, scoring two big tds while grabbing 12 catches for 218 yards (thats more yardage than Bears starting QB Rex Grossman). And this came after a week of rants from Bears players calling out Smiths capability. He made them pay for it, causing d-backs to fall on their asses more than Tara Reid after a night of heavy boozing. This proves it's never wise to awaken a sleeping giant like Smith, (even though hes only 5'9, and is hardly sleeping, he is rather quite awake. I'm retarded).

The situation reminds me of me dwindling at my computer earlier this week trying to get several articles for work done before deadline. An interesting development was occurring nearby on my living room couch, as my twin brother Jon and his friend (who goes by the moniker Bunz) were playing a heated game of NBA 2K6 on my now obsolete X-BOX. While Bunz kept ridiculing Jon for previously saying he "found Ellen DeGeneres funny," the pressure got to my bro and he lost the game. Feeling that vengeance was in store, he decided to create DeGeneres in the "create-a-player" feature, make her a superstar and destroy Bunz with the openly gay comedienne in a rematch. Knowing he had to counter attack, the aforementioned Bunz created Marcy Darcy, the lesbian neighbor from Married with Children, and the rematch of the century was on. Darcy went on to drop 68 points in victory. What does this have to do with Steve Smith? Absolutely nothing, I just really felt the need to mention it.

Moving right along, I won't take up too much time on last weeks games, only to say that Peyton Manning and the Colts had that game gift wrapped to them and totally blew it. Forget the overrated Roethlisberger tackle on Harper that followed the Bettis fumble; how the hell do you throw it to the end zone on a 2nd and 2 at the Pittsburgh 30 yard line? Manning should have tried to secure an easy 35 yarder for Vanderjagt, before trying to end a game they had no business winning (note the Polamalu call). I was gunning for Indy because they make the regular season so exciting to watch, and Manning runs an offense like no other. But after watching him waive off his own coach's call to punt on a 4th and short, Im beginning to lose faith on the guy's psyche in big games.

I won't spend too much time on this weeks Conference title games either, mainly because I clearly have no idea what I'm doing in picking winners and I want to touch on Antonio Davis a little (yeah that's right). But here is what common sense has to say about two games that I didn't envision seeing, or still want to for that matter.

Pittsburgh Steelers at Denver Broncos

Damn it, if Indy would have won we could have had our first all-Equestrian Conference title game! (get it? Broncos? Colts?). Instead, the two teams I praised for controlling the running game will square off in a race that is too close to call. Momentum has got to be equally fueling both teams; the Steelers just beat the odds-on Super Bowl favorite on the road, while the Broncos have finally knocked off the Brady Dynasty. Both teams have great, veteran coaches with plenty of playoff experience. The quarterbacks are not only grizzly in their facial appearance, but are solid in their decision-making (Plummer has made some real strides this year) and are pretty impressive athletes for their stature. And both defenses are amongst the best in the league at working together and meeting their assignments.

I want to give Denver the edge for having home field, even though it has proven to mean nothing in this years playoffs. But I like Pittsburghs D more than Denvers, because of their balance in stopping the run and the pass. I should really throw stats out of the window this week, but aside from that, the Steelers had the calls going against them on Sunday and still won. Denver outplayed New England, but won the game with two questionable calls (the Samuel pass interference and Baileys questionable run back). Come on NFL gods; end this horrible playoff season on a positive note and put Sgt. Slaughter and the Bus back in the Super Bowl. Im taking the Steelers, with no confidence in my choice whatsoever.

Carolina Panthers at Seattle Seahawks

I'll say this right from the get-go; I'm taking the Seahawks to win because I am sick of all these upsets. And they have been; home teams with better regular season records usually win in the NFL playoffs. Aside from that, I was one fan seriously concerned for the Hawks when their MVP back went down with a concussion last week. Against a pressure D, I had little faith in Hasselbeck leading his team to victory with Maurice Morris in the backfield. But Hasselbeck came through, with a pair of tds, no picks and 215 passing yards. Not bad at all. Alexander will be back this weekend, and coach Mike Holmgren said he's at 100 percent. If that is true, Seattle will be at the top of their game, which they obviously weren't in last weeks win.

On the other hand, the Panthers have played great in two consecutive road playoff games. But they didn't play against an offense nearly as good as Seattles, with the inconsistent O of the Giants and the nonexistent O of the Bears being easily exploited by the Panthers third ranked defense. I am worried considering they shut down Tiki Barber in that first round match-up, but Alexander has a much better O line, and can run between the tackles more efficiently than everybodys favorite beef patty spokesman. Plus, Qwest Field has proven to be a tough place for opposing teams this season; the Hawks havent lost there yet. I believe the same will be said for this weekend. I predict that Seattle will win a close, high scoring game, even if Smith puts up big numbers, which he probably will.

Finally, I didn't have the pleasure of watching the live footage of Antonio Davis rushing into the stands against the Bulls last night, but from what I've gained, he saw some creepy random guy harassing his wife and felt the need to intervene. I feel like a big reason Davis got suspended 5 games is because of the sheer size of the man and how it looks seeing a 7 foot behemoth literally climb over a press box. In that sense, the NBA is treating their players like zoo attractions, that cause immediate danger to the crowd when they leave their cages, in this case a basketball court. But in the replay footage I saw, Davis did not threaten anyone while approaching the stands, and merely reacted to what he thought was a threat to his family. This is nothing close to Ron Artest, who literally ran into the stands with a clenched fist ready to do some damage. I did hear that Davis' wife is kind of a loud mouth, and that the guy's intoxicated state is still in question. But Davis is only slightly, Id say one percent wrong in this matter, and should have only been suspended one game. He went on his instinct like any normal person would do, and was wise enough to restrain himself. And if this pathetic loser of a fan is actually contemplating filing a lawsuit, the case should be thrown out like Tara Reid during last call at a Mexican Bar and Grill. I hate Tara Reid. She is a filthy whore.

MY FIRST SPORTS COLUMN!

2006-01-12T22:45:00.000-05:00

Hey everybody, I decided to use the myspace blog as an outlet for my only aspiration in life right now, to become a sports writer. Every week I will post a column discussing sports topics in a witty manner, similar to Bill "The Sports Guy" Simmons from ESPN.com. I hope to come up with a clever name for my column by next week, but for now it’ just ‘sports column, which isn’t very clever at all. If you’re a sports fan, give it a read and tell me what you think. For this week I will preview this coming weekend’s NFL playoff match-ups. Enjoy!

Southeast Jerome and a Hawaiian Warrior headline Week 2 of the playoffs

After an extremely uneventful first weekend of playoff football that saw two blowouts (Pats over Jags, Panthers over G-Men), a boring defensive battle (Skins over Bucs) and the tragedy that was the Bangles first playoff game in 15 years (Palmer’s second play of game, 66yd bomb = torn ACL)…this weekend’s divisional match-ups look pretty promising. Every game has the added intrigue of being a re-match from the regular season, a rarity in the wild card playoff era. Last weekend was filled with so-called “upsets”, with three road teams advancing. But now 4 strong home teams are being thrown into the mix, and is time to see if the “road warriors” of last weekend can prevail again. Here are my picks.

Washington Redskins at Seattle Seahawks

Undoubtedly the hottest team coming into the playoffs, the Skins bring a 6 game winning streak into Qwest Field. However, they shouldn’t feel too proud about last week’s sloppy win over the Bucs, after garnering only 136 total yards of pathetic offense. This included Mark Brunell throwing for 41 yards with no td’s (the earlier mentioned Palmer out-gunned him by 25 yards while getting injured, to show you how pitiable that is). So with Brunell looking like his old washed up self, the offensive burden will be placed on the shoulders of Clinton “Southeast Jerome” Portis, against the league’s 5th ranked rush D, that gave up a league low 5 running touchdowns this year. Yikes.

Which brings us to the Seahawks, a team that has been getting no respect this year besides having the league’s second best record, an improved defense and a td machine of an MVP in Shaun Alexander. Why aren’t they getting any credit? Because Seattle sports teams never do. Same thing happened with the Sonics remarkable run last year, which ended in the second round of the playoffs. Sadly people just don’t associate Seattle with sports. When people think of the Emerald city they think of rain, Starbucks and Kurt Cobain blowing his brains out (OK I could have easily just said Nirvana, but what the hey).

And come on, Alexander is a very worth league MVP. The guy can bust out 20 yard+ runs as well as short gains for tds. He can run between the tackles, outside of them...he’s just fucking ridiculous is what he is. The Skins did a decent job of containing him in their surprising week 4 win over Seattle, but that game was in DC, and by containing him I mean he ran for 98 yards with a td…yes, that’s an average game for Alexander. This is my lock game of the week. If Seattle loses, I will stop writing this column. Mark my words!

(Although I must say it would be fun to see Portis’ deranged alter ego’s make it to the Super Bowl. If you don’t know, Portis has been dressing up as strange characters during his Thursday practice interviews with the media. He never breaks character, and is fucking hilarious in the process. Can you imagine him on media day for the Super Bowl? With reporters from all over the world waiting, and seeing a man wearing something like a shower cap, fairy wings and a neo outfit from the Matrix enter the podium? It’s almost too good to be true.)

OK, I took a little too long on that one. Don’t wanna lose my readers on my first column.

New England Patriots at Denver Broncos

As Will Smith said in the Jadakiss song, The Champ is Here. The Pats really put a beatin’ on the Jags last week, showing why they are still the team to beat in the NFL playoffs (face it, even if you hate them like I do, they are). This week will not be as easy for Belichick and company, who are taking on a very good Broncos team. This also marks the first time in the Pats gloried Super Bowl run that they will play on the road. All this leads to some cause for concern in Bean Town.

Denver will attempt to do what they do best, control the running game. They have done this all year, the team is amazingly ranked 2nd in both rushing offense and defense. I’m not a math wiz, but that’s’ pretty damn good. Good news for New England is that their rushing D has improved greatly over the second half of the season. Denver doesn’t have one dominant back to worry about, but two very good ones in Mike Anderson and Tatum Bell. New England will have to keep these guys in check if they want to win.

Better news for the Pats is that Denver, despite having the league’s best cornerback in Champ Bailey, has the league’s 29th worst passing D. So Tom Brady, awkward smile and all, should deliver another stellar performance against the Broncos, (the man hasn’t lost yet in the playoffs). He has really proven to be a great player this year, and was my choice as runner up to Alexander as league MVP. As long as New England doesn’t let Tatum Bell shit on them with 50 yard runs, New England should just get by for the road win…but this game is going to be close. I just feel that Belichick is too good a coach, and will come up with a scheme to stop Bell from exploding. Take the champs in this one.

Pittsburgh Steelers at Indianapolis Colts

After the dirty play of Kimo von Oelhoffen, the Steelers stole a victory from the Bangles last weekend and secured a rematch with the Colts in the Dome. (OK, so it was an accident, but I just can’t trust anyone that sounds so German). The Steelers got bitch smacked by the Colts in Week 12, and lost again in week 13, a game that many thought spelled the end of their year. But the downfall of San Diego combined with the Steelers running off 4 straight wins to end the season gave them a playoff berth. They now face a team that is, in every way possible, built to win this game.

Like the Broncos, the Steelers key to success this weekend will be controlling the ground game (they are similarly impressive, 3rd in D, 5th in O). Stopping Edgerrin James will be especially difficult for the Steelers though with starting nose tackle Casey Hampton out, so expect the Edge to pound it through the middle. As for their ground attack, Pittsburgh will need Willie Parker to gain 100 yards. I’m sorry, I love watching Jerome Bettis run people over, but this game is on turf, and the Bus’ down n’ dirty rushing style is better fit for the outdoors.

I think Dungy is going to let Peyton Manning do what he does best in this one, run the no huddle, drive it down the field, and when the D is forced to push back, let Edge run it in for the easy score. The Steelers cannot match the Colts on offense. I don’t think Ben Roethlisberger (who looks a lot like Cal from the 40 Year Old Virgin lately) has ever won a shootout, or maybe he has but not against Peyton. Plus he’s going to get some serious pressure from the Colts two nasty defensive ends, Dwight Freeney and Robert Mathis, who like Indy’s Offense, excel on the turf. (See what I meant when I said the Colts are built to win this game?)

Peyton is going to need to watch out when he throws the ball in the middle of the field, where Steelers safety Troy Polamalu lurks. He is one of the few d-backs to pick off Peyton this season and is one dangerous player. Did u see him come out of nowhere for that pick against Jon “I will only throw to crappy white receivers” Kitna last week? Polamalu is like a crazy Hawaiian warrior turned football player, who can easily be playing the game with a spear and loincloth. (OK, I just managed to sound racist and gay in one sentence. And now I sound like a homophobe. Uh,, Colts win by 16).

Carolina Panthers at Chicago Bears

YAWWWWWNNNN!!! OK, so three games this week look promising. Sorry, I just don’t like defensive battles; they just lead to horribly un-watchable offense. The Bears D is mimicking the Super Bowl champion Ravens of 2000, a hard hitting group of guys that work around a middle linebacker who truly controls the game. Brian Urlacher has returned to his pro bowl form this year, winning the Defensive Player of the Award while leading the leagues best defense (I don’t care what the websites say, it damn well wasn’t the fuckin bucs).

While I don’t like defensive battles, I do like Steve Smith. He looks like rapper Xzibit, but plays like Andre Rison (before that crazy bitch burned down his house). If Smith has a big game, like 150 yards and two tds, that should be enough to win. I think the over-under for this game is like negative 5, so it’s safe to say who ever scores 14 points first will win.

Problem is, Jake Delhomme did not throw for a touchdown in the Panthers week 11 loss to the Bears. He did throw 2 picks however, and in my opinion has had a pretty disappointing season. So he beat up on the Giants last week, that team basically turned around, pulled down their pants and pointed towards their assholes during the opening kickoff (if that made no sense, I apologize). The truth is the Bears shut down the Panthers that game 13-3, and what makes this game any different? Their defense is healthy, rested and have only gotten better since that game. I have some faith in John Fox, a very underrated coach in this league, but I have to think a D as good as the Bears will win one playoff game. I wouldn’t bet the farm on it, but take the Bears to win. That would put them just 2 games away from Super Bowl Shuffle: 2006.

Phew, that was rouuuggghh! But let me know what you think, and you can even post your own comments or picks somewhere on my page. To all you football fans out there, enjoy this weekend’s game and don’t get too drunk. Peas.

THE SPORTS JEW

The End of the Melo-Drama

THE SPORTS JEW'S 2008 MLB PREVIEW

THE SPORTS JEW'S 2008 MLB PREVIEW

THE SPORTS JEW'S 2008 MLB PREVIEW

THE SPORTS JEW'S 2008 MLB PREVIEW

THE SPORTS JEW'S 200 MLB PREVIEW

Good riddance Matrix; Bring on the Diesel

THE SPORTS JEW'S 2008 MLB PREVIEW

THE SPORTS JEW'S 2008 MLB PREVIEW

Living in a Fantasy...

Who is Public Enemy no. 1?

Awards Predictions

BEST IN THE WEST? Think Steve Nash with a mean streak

The Sports Jew's 2007 NBA Preview

What goes up…Must come crashing down

It’s the Return of the Gangsta…

So…PRANOS.

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE:

I Hate New York

MLB Season Preview: AL EAST

Welcome to Jam Session

All-Star Weekend Recap

Jew-rotic Rants of the Week

Say No More…Mon Amour

THE NBA MID-SEASON REPORT: EPISODE II – THE RETURN OF G-CHILD!

THE FIRST ANNUAL SPORTS JEW NBA MID-SEASON REPORT

They came, they saw, they choked

Michael Vick attempts to smuggle a chunk of resin onto airplane: stoner population shakes heads in disillusionment

"From the Perfect Storm to the Perfect Season"

That's the way it all became "The Brady Hunch"

THE MAN-GENIUS VS. BELI-BITCH…ROUND 3:

FOCKKKKK!!

Merry Christmas from Mango and friends!

“Matt Geiger is an ugly man”

A tale of two teams…

12-3...

WEEK 1 NFL PREVIEW: THE MANNING BOWL

How Kobe and Artest made me forget about football

The results from last week are in, Marcy Darcy is the better lesbian basketball player

****MY FIRST SPORTS COLUMN!****

MY FIRST SPORTS COLUMN!